Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
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Top comments
anniemeece 23
Why on earth would he do that? D:
JJ88 0
Little kids are dicks today, I blame mtv and disney. You should have said something that would have sent him crying lol
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Comments (161)
theDIVA_NL 3
how did this mutant freak thing come about? iMean that came out of nowhere....being allergic to peanuts has nothing to do with being a mutant freak
Psh_ily 0
damn evil kids!
HayItsHaley 0
That made me laugh!
kukopia 0
Tell the parents. If they give you any sh!t (which wouldn't surprise me) you accidentally trip when jogging past their house in a month or so... and have one of those mysterious back injuries that can't be cured. You, of course, blame it on frantically looking around for the brat-kid that likes to throw peanuts at you so their home-owners insurance has to pay.
DanizzleXFoSho 6
Is it bad when I read this the Eminem song "Kill You" came into my head?
doughnutboy99 2
sue the parents
xTinyLovex 0
Dude, what did you do to your neighbor?!? FYL.
17xVampx17 0
Oh this is hilarious..this isn't am FML hes a six year old. Six year olds believe in the Easter bunny....reality is just a jumbled mess to him....plus you obviously didn't die so stop whining..
CosmicPossum 2
It's not whether the guy would or wouldn't die from contact with a peanut, it's the fact that a six year old is trying to trigger a potentially lethal reaction in him and shouting "DIE!" That kid is messed up.
asquithpat 0
pull out your shotgun and....(u imprpvise the rest)