Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally...

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 766

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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 9 225

Messy

By chuchie - 12/06/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 569

You deserved it 6 656

By foolmetwice - 16/05/2011 14:28

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 093

You deserved it 40 109

By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 627

You deserved it 39 165

Thought crime

By Son of a BITCH - 21/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, while babysitting a 9-year-old boy, I stubbed my toe on a coffee table. I yelled, "SON OF A…" but managed to stop myself before saying the last part. The boy yelled, "You were gonna say bitch! I'm telling mom and dad!" and, despite my desperate attempts to dissuade him, he did just that. Guess who's fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 246

You deserved it 4 260

By jbhadafuckedupday - 15/03/2018 01:30

Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 451

Public announcement

By Pissed - 05/10/2011 15:29 - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 739

You deserved it 8 425

By Anonymous - 13/12/2012 12:37 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 605

You deserved it 2 298

Noped out

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 00:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 980

You deserved it 2 989

Charlie Given 26

Sunday 20 January 2019 2:17

Aww the joys of toddlers 🤣🤣

blahblabbity 19

Sunday 20 January 2019 2:28

just explain what happened to them, i bet they won’t be too mad. also tell her those aren’t nice words

Comments

Charlie Given 26

Sunday 20 January 2019 2:17

Aww the joys of toddlers 🤣🤣

blahblabbity 19

Sunday 20 January 2019 2:28

just explain what happened to them, i bet they won’t be too mad. also tell her those aren’t nice words

mas12806 24

Sunday 20 January 2019 4:05

Everyone learns eventually, why wait

darkshadus 10

Sunday 20 January 2019 13:51

If you don't make a big deal about it most kids stop on their own

disturbedgd 26

Sunday 20 January 2019 14:42

And at that "moment" you used your time to post it on FML.

Miss_Red 18

Monday 21 January 2019 11:55

As a mum of a three year old, i literally laughted out loud.. then immediately remembered that my son wouldnt stop calling the family pet a ******** today.

AmbrosiaFan 18

Monday 21 January 2019 18:59

The reason kids keep saying it is because some adults make it such a HUGE THING. My son said "holy shit" when he was four. After my husband and I hid our laughter and just looked at our son, we said "try not to say that again as I know you are just copying what mommy said. definitely don't say it around maw maw and paw paw and not in public either ok?"... My now 7 year old hardly swears, he let damn slip once and I just reminded him to not say it in public. He also doesn't like the word "****" so he doesn't say it.