Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
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Top comments
anniemeece 23
Why on earth would he do that? D:
JJ88 0
Little kids are dicks today, I blame mtv and disney. You should have said something that would have sent him crying lol
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Comments (161)
bosshaug 0
I told him to do it
fyl4sure 0
I blame the internet
Serix 0
#38 lmao, I totally agree!
dayrin7 4
HAHAHAHA.! this sounds like someting my 5 year old brother would do :]
popemichael 9
That sounds like assault because that COULD have killed you. I'd get the police involved if I where you.
spacer_ 0
chillax. He's a kid, they can't do anything to him anyway.
Underwhelmed 0
WTF is wrong with this kid?! DEFINITELY call the parents! I was at the park once with my adorable dog that everyone adores, and this six or so year old kid walks by, picks up a handful or rocks, and PELTS them at my dog. I almost killed him. I probably would have if his mom wasn't with him. No one would have missed the little shit. Kids are really ****** up sometimes.
wyld3fyr3 3
start throwing darts and the such at him, yelling "I HOPE THIS KILLS YOU!!!"
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
1. u must be a bad neighbor 2. i like that kid[: he sounds cool. 3. thats hilarious.
the_deuce 0
i would have taken one of the peanuts, shoved it up his nose and said I HOPE IT KILLS YOU back. lls
Shotta 3
What the hell did you do to him