Sleep, Awkward and Medication: Ambien nights - FML

Ambien nights

By Nosy ex - 10/06/2023 22:00

Today, even though I was curious about my ex's new fling, I didn't want to do anything that would put them in an uncomfortable situation. Apparently, that changed when I took an Ambien to get some rest, as I woke up to find out that I'd sleep-followed them. They've already followed me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 367

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 21:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 405

You deserved it 2 799

By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 08/03/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 34 785

Dumbass move

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 00:00

Today, I stupidly liked a post on my ex's social media account from three years ago. They then texted me immediately to ask why I was stalking them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 975

By hoody - 22/01/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 472

You deserved it 5 911

By OutOfMyMind - 22/10/2013 00:12 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 869

You deserved it 12 055

By anyoi - 25/04/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 310

You deserved it 3 435

By Anathema_360 - 20/09/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 3 914

Not now, mom!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 18:02 - United States - Gillette

Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 181

This is happening

By mikmak - 20/12/2015 13:26 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 561

You deserved it 3 121

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 133

You deserved it 8 048

Next

Top comments

Yudith 24

Sunday 11 June 2023 17:07

I hope you meant "on Facebook", and not sleep-walking behind them from the restaurant to the movie theater to the beach and back to your ex's house.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 11 June 2023 16:42

They're on Ambien, too?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 11 June 2023 16:42

They're on Ambien, too?

Yudith 24

Sunday 11 June 2023 17:07

I hope you meant "on Facebook", and not sleep-walking behind them from the restaurant to the movie theater to the beach and back to your ex's house.

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The Top

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 097

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 74

The Top

Today, I was hit with a sudden onset of diarrhea and had to use the washroom on the train. As soon as I pulled down my pants, my worst nightmare came true, as someone opened the door and exposed me to the other passengers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 5 080

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss's office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 406

You deserved it 5 303

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and who knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night… It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 7 361

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 124

You deserved it 3 063

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 3 190

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 442

You deserved it 4 432