Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family....

By Jacquelinez - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

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27966

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Messed up

Egg mode

By Invisible - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25544

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3273

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By brokeandalone - United States

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59110

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45977

You deserved it

5585

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By Stiffed - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21091

You deserved it

1475

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By FuckPollen - United Kingdom - Hartlepool

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24816

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40080

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58659

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 17:01

Daydream believer

Today, I apparently fell asleep during a work Zoom meeting. I awoke to no meeting on my screen and an e-mail from my boss saying I was terminated, and to do something about my "sleep apnea." FML

I agree, your life sucks

772

You deserved it

813

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

The cheek of some people

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1324

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By emily

Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn’t even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1198

You deserved it

182

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 16:54

Clocked

Today, I was stopped by a customer who told me that I looked like a nice woman. I thanked him for the compliment and pointed out that I was a man. With an obviously male name on my name tag. And visible facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

145

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By Casey - France

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88082

You deserved it

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By Jimbob - 28/9/2020 17:01 - United States - Austin

Facts, feelings…

Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1118

You deserved it

238

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35409

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Get the hell out of Dodge

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1185

You deserved it

215

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2020 16:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Weddings suck

Today, I got dragged to a wedding where I knew no-one. It went on for hours, I got so hungry. We get to the meal, my wife had forgotten to order a vegetarian meal for me. I couldn't eat the main meal, due to allergies and no alternative. I then spent two more hours just waiting to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

991

You deserved it

234

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By WTFLY - United States - Hilo

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44141

You deserved it

3069

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By Helpful Smile - United States - Bettendorf

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20631

You deserved it

1211

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50237

You deserved it

3517

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By WelcomeWagon - United States

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10510

You deserved it

42081

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By Hunter Ferguson - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3699

You deserved it

233

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By Anonymous - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3719

You deserved it

290

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57660

You deserved it

3170

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By gaggin - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56061

You deserved it

3972

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By komp6390 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10134

You deserved it

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By wench - United States

Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9530

You deserved it

36511

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By bridezilla - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55390

You deserved it

6827

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By Anon - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44782

You deserved it

5476

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46355

You deserved it

3634

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By VibeCheck - 10/3/2020 07:57

Hangover blues

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks

528

You deserved it

1693

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By xswitch74 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32456

You deserved it

4198

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By waiterrrrrrrrr - United States

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45730

You deserved it

6955

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

My family

Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2295

You deserved it

308

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By jo - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24337

You deserved it

6011

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By Anonymous

I am the law

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1099

You deserved it

336

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67823

You deserved it

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By hnickell93 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27646

You deserved it

5372

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By harambae - United States - La Grange

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13130

You deserved it

3119

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By MJensen - Denmark - Herlev

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10907

You deserved it

4209

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By forever damaged - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21612

You deserved it

1618

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Top comments

By elerbears | 9

#4460752 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

mini golf is serious shit

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4460764 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:06

This is the part where you shove your putter up his arse and yell "HOLE IN ONE".

COMMENTS

By OL_What_FER | 1

#4460747 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

tjv3 | 10

#4460767 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:06

Sounds like he is a sore loser. Better run.

ucoolgirl31 | 20

#4460806 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:09

I hate it when guys get embarrassed when girls are better at things. I like it when guys are ok with it.

Roevera | 14

#4460993 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:14

Oh, okay 1.. cause i'm sure that would solve all their relationship problems.

HoboSmeller | 6

#4461122 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Boygenius50 | 8

#4461539 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:19

41, it would appear that your sarcasm detector needs new batteries.

trivel64 | 16

#4461577 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:33

It's hilariously ironic how you can say that but not understand HER sarcasm, 41.

starman02 | 12

#4461714 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:26

LOL! I thought the FML was funny! Some people ( gals and guys) get so competitive! I hate losing!

Tali147 | 16

#4461734 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:33

I think you can tell a lot about a man by his reaction when he is not the best at something. My Hamud is proud that I am a good shot and doesnt get mad that this means he is not as good with guns. He is better at many things.

kyarush | 10

#4461837 - Monday 21 May 2012 7:12

Lol That's awesome

taco_bender | 12

#4461876 - Monday 21 May 2012 7:27

If you can't beat her in mini golf join her.

taco_bender | 12

#4461889 - Monday 21 May 2012 7:30

Just take her paintballing after.

By thanks_asshole | 2

#4460749 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

he's a keeper

cradle6 | 13

#4460836 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:12

I disagree. He sounds like a prick.

Your call though

reddudeover | 2

#4460903 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:32

He's a creeper!

GuyFluteBandGeek | 0

#4461048 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:33

That's what I said, too.

dogluver900 | 2

#4461168 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

white16sox | 19

#4461324 - Monday 21 May 2012 4:08

There is a difference between sarcasm and using a crappy overused comment.

shellz102 | 12

#4461504 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:08

You just questioned his manhood. Don't ever do that...

ddddddddg | 9

#4461787 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:54

How original

nateiztite | 5

#4473461 - Wednesday 23 May 2012 23:28

#70 i've never seen that comment used on this site before. I'd say it's not that over used at all.

By jesspie | 8

#4460750 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

what a dick.

Rosado | 0

#4460839 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:13

I don't know. Some people are way too competitive over such shit like that, and always get best of some people. It's better to have fun than striking one.

moodi_fml | 0

#4460927 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:40

I hope he solves his jealously issues before marriage or they should end their relationship now

Wreakorofhavoc | 1

#4460968 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:05

That's not a jealousy issue. He's probably just very competitive.

boofgall | 16

#4463078 - Monday 21 May 2012 15:59

If I heard that, I probably would've said, "Oh yeah? You're dangerously close to losing this game."

Us3rn4m3_H3r3 | 9

#5550471 - Monday 24 June 2013 22:04

You're a fucking genius, 118. That was hilarious.

By elerbears | 9

#4460752 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

mini golf is serious shit

TheMysticSilas | 0

#4461192 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:28

^agree

white16sox | 19

#4461532 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:15

This is why we have the thumbs up/ thumbs down feature. Instead of making a comment saying " I agree," you just hit that thumbs up button.

PYLrulz | 17

#4461619 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:50

Yes it is...

... Maybe that's why my previous girlfriend broke up with me a while back

By MEM0817 | 18

#4460757 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:05

It's not your fault you're awesome! Tell him to bugger off. :]

tygerarmy | 35

#4461079 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:50

I'd wait 'til the end of the game, then say "hey honey, just like this game we're over."
Anyone who'd break up with you over a game isn't worth your time.

dogluver900 | 2

#4461185 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:26

Yet your telling op to break up with him over a game @51

Shrike | 22

#4461201 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:30

Not over a game - over his immaturity and obvious anger issues.

beastroish | 0

#4461782 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:52

5- Haah!! I love your shirt!

bvxf | 2

#4462152 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:52

Boobs

EvilTwerp | 12

#4462957 - Monday 21 May 2012 15:24

Ah sweet Jesus. The fact that you capitalized and used correct punctuation satisfies me! It's hard to believe that a grammar enthusiast site is allowing that sort of behavior.