Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family....

By Jacquelinez - 20/05/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 003

You deserved it 3 098

Miscellaneous

Leave me alone!

CIA-level batshittery

Noise annoys

By u.p.i.c. - 02/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 533

By mizzleshizzle - 09/03/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 276

You deserved it 64 603

By Tipless - 07/11/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 2 452

By Overlord247 - 28/06/2019 07:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 442

By mat - 21/01/2009 06:02 - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 2 594

Happens at all ages

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 23:02

Today, my roommate had to ask to check if I was drinking water instead of alcohol. Twice. Then she 'suggested' that I 'might' be an alcoholic. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 221

By CandyCrushAddict - 21/09/2013 15:09 - United States - Wilson

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 352

You deserved it 50 909

By gudmarjoh - 08/12/2010 23:09 - Iceland

Today, after studying all night for an exam, I ran out to catch the bus. On my way to the bus, my hair got caught in a branch for some minutes. Thinking I'd missed the bus but thankfully didn't, I went on. A few minutes later I remembered that my exam had been postponed for 3 hours today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 119

You deserved it 10 200

What's my name?

By Laura - 22/09/2019 12:00 - Paraguay

Today, as they have for the past three years, my boyfriend's parents have never called me by my actual name. They always "accidentally" call me by my boyfriend's ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 03:46 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 091

You deserved it 1 820

By ... - 04/01/2014 05:25 - United States

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 282

You deserved it 8 760

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 187

You deserved it 8 460

By Trimacle - 24/08/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 508

You deserved it 15 790

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 109

By nicbear - 15/06/2017 04:00

Today, I was fired from my job over a coupon a coworker offered me for bonus reward points. Apparently, it wasn't one I was entitled to. I never even looked at the coupon and assumed it was fine since they offered it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 089

You deserved it 478

By stillloveherthough - 26/02/2016 17:54 - Germany - Aachen

Today, my girlfriend had a complete breakdown. I was trying to calm her down and reassure her that she will accomplish all of her dreams. Her response: "Then why am I even with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 257

You deserved it 2 010

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 533

You deserved it 43 520

By skyhawk13 - 30/10/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 110

You deserved it 53 726

Let it all hang out

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, my mom was pulling up weeds on the terrace while wearing gardening gloves. Why is that worth mentioning? Because that's literally all she was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 78

Never? NEVER?!

By Anonymous - 01/05/2020 08:00

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for 4 years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 140

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 672

You deserved it 11 766

Fighting fit

By AnonThoughts - 24/10/2019 06:00

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 300

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 05:00

Today, my husband waited until our honeymoon to reveal his scat fetish, because he didn’t want me to think he was too weird to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 121

Oh, hai Mark!

By Bribri - 18/11/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 2 454

Teamwork

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 05:01

Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 137

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 329

By Lauren Smith - 17/10/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 6 161

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 04:00 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 135

By muffincakess - 21/01/2010 00:55 - France

Today, I went to buy some spray paint for a project. I've never used a spray can before, so I decided to try it on paper provided. Unfortunately I didn't hold the can the right way and ended up with black, permanent, paint all over my face in the middle of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 36 986

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Roxboro

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 1 889

By itsnotyouitsme - 20/04/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 294

You deserved it 35 153

By jgw - 07/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 668

You deserved it 668

And today, on Dr Phil…

By pretty poly - 10/11/2020 11:01

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. He wants to introduce our girlfriend to our kids and make her a part of our everyday family life. When we started this, I was under the impression that it was just a sex thing, and wouldn’t leave our bedroom. He wants to make her his second wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 4 263

By no, YOU raised him - 03/04/2015 21:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 988

You deserved it 6 474

Precision strike

By Zodiacfall - 27/10/2019 02:00

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 221

By UrbanCass - 25/06/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 378

You deserved it 76 587

By Anonymous - 18/07/2016 01:02 - United States - Mio

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 547

You deserved it 1 412

By Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis - 07/08/2015 02:55 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 869

You deserved it 3 591

By anonymous - 20/03/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 195

You deserved it 4 709

By norestforthewicked - 02/03/2016 20:41 - United States

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 269

You deserved it 1 699

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Top comments

elerbears 9

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

mini golf is serious shit

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:06

This is the part where you shove your putter up his arse and yell "HOLE IN ONE".

OL_What_FER 1

Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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tjv3 10

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:06

Sounds like he is a sore loser. Better run.

ucoolgirl31 20

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:09

I hate it when guys get embarrassed when girls are better at things. I like it when guys are ok with it.

Roevera 14

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Monday 21 May 2012 2:14

Oh, okay 1.. cause i'm sure that would solve all their relationship problems.

HoboSmeller 6

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Monday 21 May 2012 3:04

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Boygenius50 8

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Monday 21 May 2012 5:19

41, it would appear that your sarcasm detector needs new batteries.

trivel64 16

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Monday 21 May 2012 5:33

It's hilariously ironic how you can say that but not understand HER sarcasm, 41.

starman02 12

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Monday 21 May 2012 6:26

LOL! I thought the FML was funny! Some people ( gals and guys) get so competitive! I hate losing!

Tali147 16

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Monday 21 May 2012 6:33

I think you can tell a lot about a man by his reaction when he is not the best at something. My Hamud is proud that I am a good shot and doesnt get mad that this means he is not as good with guns. He is better at many things.

kyarush 10

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Monday 21 May 2012 7:12

Lol That's awesome

taco_bender 12

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Monday 21 May 2012 7:27

If you can't beat her in mini golf join her.

taco_bender 12

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Monday 21 May 2012 7:30

Just take her paintballing after.

thanks_asshole 2

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

he's a keeper

cradle6 13

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:12

I disagree. He sounds like a prick. Your call though

reddudeover 2

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:32

He's a creeper!

GuyFluteBandGeek 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 2:33

That's what I said, too.

dogluver900 2

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Monday 21 May 2012 3:23

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white16sox 19

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Monday 21 May 2012 4:08

There is a difference between sarcasm and using a crappy overused comment.

shellz102 12

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Monday 21 May 2012 5:08

You just questioned his manhood. Don't ever do that...

ddddddddg 9

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Monday 21 May 2012 6:54

How original

nateiztite 5

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 23:28

#70 i've never seen that comment used on this site before. I'd say it's not that over used at all.

jesspie 8

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

what a dick.

Rosado 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:13

I don't know. Some people are way too competitive over such shit like that, and always get best of some people. It's better to have fun than striking one.

moodi_fml 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:40

I hope he solves his jealously issues before marriage or they should end their relationship now

Wreakorofhavoc 1

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Monday 21 May 2012 2:05

That's not a jealousy issue. He's probably just very competitive.

boofgall 16

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Monday 21 May 2012 15:59

If I heard that, I probably would've said, "Oh yeah? You're dangerously close to losing this game."

Us3rn4m3_H3r3 9

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Monday 24 June 2013 22:04

You're a fucking genius, 118. That was hilarious.

elerbears 9

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

mini golf is serious shit

TheMysticSilas 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 3:28

^agree

white16sox 19

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Monday 21 May 2012 5:15

This is why we have the thumbs up/ thumbs down feature. Instead of making a comment saying " I agree," you just hit that thumbs up button.

PYLrulz 17

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Monday 21 May 2012 5:50

Yes it is... ... Maybe that's why my previous girlfriend broke up with me a while back

MEM0817 18

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Monday 21 May 2012 1:05

It's not your fault you're awesome! Tell him to bugger off. :]

tygerarmy 35

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Monday 21 May 2012 2:50

I'd wait 'til the end of the game, then say "hey honey, just like this game we're over." Anyone who'd break up with you over a game isn't worth your time.

dogluver900 2

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Monday 21 May 2012 3:26

Yet your telling op to break up with him over a game @51

Shrike 23

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Monday 21 May 2012 3:30

Not over a game - over his immaturity and obvious anger issues.

beastroish 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 6:52

5- Haah!! I love your shirt!

bvxf 2

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:52

Boobs

EvilTwerp 12

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Monday 21 May 2012 15:24

Ah sweet Jesus. The fact that you capitalized and used correct punctuation satisfies me! It's hard to believe that a grammar enthusiast site is allowing that sort of behavior.