Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family....

By Jacquelinez - 20/5/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27954

You deserved it

3092

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Messed up

NRA fanboy

By Anonymous - 5/1/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33153

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By thinner than you - 20/11/2012 21:57 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37574

You deserved it

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By UncleRory - 16/5/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks

65175

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 16:58 - Australia

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37937

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13597

You deserved it

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By sucker - 7/9/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

645

You deserved it

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By Dead Inside - 3/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Elkhart

Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2805

You deserved it

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By Janitor - 8/3/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26208

You deserved it

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By soundbox - 27/1/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24388

You deserved it

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By Mom2boysonly - 15/6/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3082

You deserved it

351

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39217

You deserved it

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By NotDrunk - 4/4/2015 00:42 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30873

You deserved it

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By whymyroomthough - 6/8/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43070

You deserved it

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By ouch - 15/6/2013 04:48 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44434

You deserved it

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By oops - 27/3/2014 23:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48019

You deserved it

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By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42737

You deserved it

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By KaRaSu - 22/11/2008 12:24 - France

Today, whilst doing it with my girlfriend she goes :"are you done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37693

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45558

You deserved it

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By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37897

You deserved it

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By thetheatreguy - 26/2/2009 14:56 - Canada

Today, I went on the best date I've been on in years. Later on, over drinks we get talking and I explain how I came out to my friends and family. When I ask him how he came out, he replies that he isn't gay, and oh, did I think this was a date? FML

I agree, your life sucks

62455

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43646

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23238

You deserved it

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By ThisBlows - 21/9/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51129

You deserved it

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By Allycat - 9/10/2013 01:19 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47032

You deserved it

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By Kittykatkrunch - 12/11/2009 05:09 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend was crushing on his best friend. When I found out I asked him about it. He replied. "Don't worry babe, she is perfect and way too good for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39625

You deserved it

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By CallmeEddie - 14/11/2013 16:44 - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45778

You deserved it

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By O_O - 12/7/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46543

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2016 03:18 - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16118

You deserved it

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By bdjsbskl - 7/10/2011 05:55 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38492

You deserved it

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By liveviathetredmill - 1/10/2012 20:04 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19913

You deserved it

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By Ignored - 11/4/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39404

You deserved it

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By Bones - 24/10/2017 22:00

Today, on my way to work, I realized that I took my Viagra instead of my blood pressure medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3271

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By lady_jeni - 9/7/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60346

You deserved it

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By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60619

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:24 - United Kingdom

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10930

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 19:00 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46211

You deserved it

4518

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27392

You deserved it

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By JazzyandAlice - 20/9/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51845

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2013 07:09 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50665

You deserved it

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By cleangirl - 14/3/2011 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

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39409

You deserved it

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Top comments

By elerbears | 9

#4460752 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

mini golf is serious shit

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4460764 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:06

This is the part where you shove your putter up his arse and yell "HOLE IN ONE".

COMMENTS

By OL_What_FER | 1

#4460747 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

tjv3 | 10

#4460767 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:06

Sounds like he is a sore loser. Better run.

ucoolgirl31 | 20

#4460806 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:09

I hate it when guys get embarrassed when girls are better at things. I like it when guys are ok with it.

Roevera | 14

#4460993 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:14

Oh, okay 1.. cause i'm sure that would solve all their relationship problems.

HoboSmeller | 6

#4461122 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Boygenius50 | 8

#4461539 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:19

41, it would appear that your sarcasm detector needs new batteries.

trivel64 | 16

#4461577 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:33

It's hilariously ironic how you can say that but not understand HER sarcasm, 41.

starman02 | 12

#4461714 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:26

LOL! I thought the FML was funny! Some people ( gals and guys) get so competitive! I hate losing!

Tali147 | 16

#4461734 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:33

I think you can tell a lot about a man by his reaction when he is not the best at something. My Hamud is proud that I am a good shot and doesnt get mad that this means he is not as good with guns. He is better at many things.

kyarush | 10

#4461837 - Monday 21 May 2012 7:12

Lol That's awesome

taco_bender | 12

#4461876 - Monday 21 May 2012 7:27

If you can't beat her in mini golf join her.

taco_bender | 12

#4461889 - Monday 21 May 2012 7:30

Just take her paintballing after.

By thanks_asshole | 2

#4460749 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

he's a keeper

cradle6 | 13

#4460836 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:12

I disagree. He sounds like a prick.

Your call though

reddudeover | 2

#4460903 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:32

He's a creeper!

GuyFluteBandGeek | 0

#4461048 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:33

That's what I said, too.

dogluver900 | 2

#4461168 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

white16sox | 19

#4461324 - Monday 21 May 2012 4:08

There is a difference between sarcasm and using a crappy overused comment.

shellz102 | 12

#4461504 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:08

You just questioned his manhood. Don't ever do that...

ddddddddg | 9

#4461787 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:54

How original

nateiztite | 5

#4473461 - Wednesday 23 May 2012 23:28

#70 i've never seen that comment used on this site before. I'd say it's not that over used at all.

By jesspie | 8

#4460750 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

what a dick.

Rosado | 0

#4460839 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:13

I don't know. Some people are way too competitive over such shit like that, and always get best of some people. It's better to have fun than striking one.

moodi_fml | 0

#4460927 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:40

I hope he solves his jealously issues before marriage or they should end their relationship now

Wreakorofhavoc | 1

#4460968 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:05

That's not a jealousy issue. He's probably just very competitive.

boofgall | 16

#4463078 - Monday 21 May 2012 15:59

If I heard that, I probably would've said, "Oh yeah? You're dangerously close to losing this game."

Us3rn4m3_H3r3 | 9

#5550471 - Monday 24 June 2013 22:04

You're a fucking genius, 118. That was hilarious.

By elerbears | 9

#4460752 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:04

mini golf is serious shit

TheMysticSilas | 0

#4461192 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:28

^agree

white16sox | 19

#4461532 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:15

This is why we have the thumbs up/ thumbs down feature. Instead of making a comment saying " I agree," you just hit that thumbs up button.

PYLrulz | 17

#4461619 - Monday 21 May 2012 5:50

Yes it is...

... Maybe that's why my previous girlfriend broke up with me a while back

By MEM0817 | 18

#4460757 - Monday 21 May 2012 1:05

It's not your fault you're awesome! Tell him to bugger off. :]

tygerarmy | 35

#4461079 - Monday 21 May 2012 2:50

I'd wait 'til the end of the game, then say "hey honey, just like this game we're over."
Anyone who'd break up with you over a game isn't worth your time.

dogluver900 | 2

#4461185 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:26

Yet your telling op to break up with him over a game @51

Shrike | 22

#4461201 - Monday 21 May 2012 3:30

Not over a game - over his immaturity and obvious anger issues.

beastroish | 0

#4461782 - Monday 21 May 2012 6:52

5- Haah!! I love your shirt!

bvxf | 2

#4462152 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:52

Boobs

EvilTwerp | 12

#4462957 - Monday 21 May 2012 15:24

Ah sweet Jesus. The fact that you capitalized and used correct punctuation satisfies me! It's hard to believe that a grammar enthusiast site is allowing that sort of behavior.