Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML
Today, I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding, but she doesn’t want me in the photos because I’m over a foot taller than her and the other bridesmaids, and it will look silly in the photos. I told her I won’t even bother attending, and mom actually took her side. FML
Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML
Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML
Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML
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Top comments
L3Paparazzo 7
its okay not to look like a Oompa Loompa :P
artc91 0
Wow, i really can't figure out why that matters.
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Comments (195)
Grammar_Nazi101 0
YDI for needing a spray tan in the first place.
brooooks 0
lol Jersey shore orange.
sheethapins 13
Jersey Shorange.
baden18830 5
spray tan = white trash 100% of the time. disobey and be proud.
Soloman212 28
orange trash*
DeLpHe3zY 7
looks like she burned you first ;)
ohSNAPyall 27
At least she has a good imagination.
mrahhhhh 21
So your mom must be one of the people on the U.K. version of Jersey Shore. Fyl for living in Guidoland, Europe edition. It took me five minutes to get the above to show. **** the Official FML app.
Takador 3
Lol im not the only one that know about that, yay! :D
Lisa89 3
What's the U.K edition of Jersy Shores? I'm from the UK but not entirely sure what you're on about.
ugliness 6
we have our own version now?
Bogrollbloke 4
Geordie Shore. It's epically funny.
KLern 0
spray tans have come a long way. now you can go get one and gasp! you're tan not orange! suck it up and be sexy and tan for a bit...
SteelCladAngel 0
hm pretty sad that being tan is the only qualifier for bing sexy these days
KLern 0
nah a hot body and killer curves are qualifiers too. judging by your cinnabun, I bet you like to focus on "inner beauty".
MissFukMyLuck 0
suck it up! and be happy with what you look like! really? you have to have a tan to feel sexy girl? I mean obviously you gotta do SOMETHIN to feel sexy if you're posing like that for your profile pic
KLern 0
I don't feel sexy, I am sexy. don't hate.
Rosuto_Megami 12
No, you're not sexy, you're actually pretty trashy. Oh, and that pose with your boobs hanging out like that makes you look like a desperate harlot.
randomreader2315 4
Next thing you know, she'll be commanding you to do the stupid duck face for the wedding photos...*shudders* who gives a **** if your skin isn't Jersey Shore orange? I'm hoping you won't let your mom convince you to get that fake tan!!!
kiaralove53 0
I am arachnophobic... your picture scares me to pieces.
Takador 3
61- thats not a spider -.- spiders have 8 legs, that insect has 6 -.-
laden_swallow09 35
CRAP! Sorry, Takador, I meant to thumb UP your comment! >.
kiaralove53 0
You are right sorry, I couldn't look at it for more than 2 seconds before I had to scroll down.
Snowlight_fml 7
Wait. So now that you know it has 6 legs, it's completely fine? What the...
randomreader2315 4
It's a dead Jerusalem cricket, found it by the pool. It creeped me out and fascinated me at the same time when I discovered it, couldn't help but take pictures :P
NecroParade 3
Bad spray tans look ridiculous. Good spray tans are barely noticeable. Why would you pay for either?
goshpeople 4
You should get the spray tan just for the awesome way your mom put it.