Miscellaneous: Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me... - FML

By kilo1_13 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

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They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

Catch 22

Corporate ass

By Leigha - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

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By Sarah91

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

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By Busted - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

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By elizio - United States - Trenton

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that getting an awesome new phone with all the new bells and whistles doesn't mean that people will now actually want to talk to me. FML

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By gali-ma - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

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By snowwhite - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 05:02

Gotta start somewhere

Today, I found out my parents paid my "best friend" to be my friend for the past 7 years. She's my only friend too. FML

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By byebyeromance - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

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By CSPKrissi

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went on a dinner date with the guy I like. He ate all his food then started eating off my plate, going on to eat over half of my food. When the bill came, he made me pay for it. FML

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By Its My BDay I Can Cry If I Want To - United States - Ephrata

Today, all of my friends bailed from the birthday party I was throwing myself. This was also after they had encouraged me for months to have one, knowing I'd never had my birthday celebrated before. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

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By kewlio45 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

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By stink - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

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By Anonymous - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

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By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's my third day in the hospital. On Monday, my mother grounded me for not going to school because I was “milking” a sore foot. On Wednesday, we finally went to the ER and it turns out I have a very bad infection in my foot. She refuses to come to the hospital. FML

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By backtothelaundrettethen - Germany

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

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By Alex - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

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By chlorinesmells - United States

Today, a kid I taught to swim became my new boss, at the pool that I have worked at for nine years. FML

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By Slow Down - 29/10/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Close Zoom, quick sharp

Today, I had a first date via video, due to Covid. It was the first time a girl had asked me out, and she seemed very enthusiastic. Until she started to worry me by throwing in the L-word about 10 minutes in, and talking about our wedding. I've never even met this person in real life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

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By Bedrest Blues

Today, my boyfriend told me that we can’t be together because I’m not the person he fell in love with since I don’t do anything all day. I’m 6 months pregnant and on bed rest. FML

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By Scammed - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

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By anti-peecleaner - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

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By shirley - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

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By :( - Japan - Tokyo

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 23:01

Let's go girls!

Today, someone said that women shouldn’t hate their menstrual cycles, because the hormonal changes were so "interesting". Sure, that’s the word I’d use for alternating between cramps and zits, being an insatiable nymphomaniac, and being so depressed I want to die. FML

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By dirtytoes - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

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By trainE - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

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Top comments

By noshitsherlock | 0

#264819 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:08

That sucks. I HATED working retail (part time). RUDE, STUPID people, and you don't even get tipped.

Or morons who can't read, "But the sign says..." NO, it DOESN'T, go learn how to read.

Geez, the general public is so stupid.

By eightroses | 0

#264816 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:07

Wow. I hope she was made to pay for the ones she broke. :/

COMMENTS

By TotallyAwesome | 0

#264814 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:06

I bet she did that on purpose, sucks for you.

By eightroses | 0

#264816 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:07

Wow. I hope she was made to pay for the ones she broke. :/

By noshitsherlock | 0

#264819 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:08

That sucks. I HATED working retail (part time). RUDE, STUPID people, and you don't even get tipped.

Or morons who can't read, "But the sign says..." NO, it DOESN'T, go learn how to read.

Geez, the general public is so stupid.

Reply

Time_killer | 0

#480022 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 16:48

I couldn't agree more with you ^.^

Reply

Thabb | 0

#992197 - Friday 14 May 2010 0:45

Make her clean it up and pay double the prices for the snowglobes.

Reply

rightonlooser | 0

#1030768 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 10:28

125. youre retarded

By julietluvpanda | 0

#264825 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:10

Hahahaha!!! That sounds like something I would do..... I'm a klutz

By karpaltunnell | 0

#264834 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:12

Haha maybe she likes watching you clean it up? ;)

By L_rR_Mo0_3 | 0

#264846 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:15

Hell, If your on brake...say fuck the bitch and tell her to find someone else in a polite way.

By JamesEast | 0

#264848 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:16

Ida teabagged the cunt!

By Tashation1 | 0

#264858 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:18

#4 i agree. i work for the dmv and i totally understand to what levels of stupidity they can reach, and then some.

By Walt_1990 | 3

#264864 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:20

She was destined to be there to ruin your break lol. FYL.

By thesaras | 0

#264889 - Thursday 4 June 2009 9:27

Oh your life is real fucked up 2 snowglobes what a badass.