Work: Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who...

By hushnow - 07/02/2011 18:04 - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 786

You deserved it 3 725

Work

Empathy lives

The runs

Deception

By Anonymous - 06/11/2011 21:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 5 577

Live chat

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 01:00 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I found my best friend's girlfriend on a webcam site. I then told him, and his only response was, "Yeah, I know, that's where we met." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 560

Grandma rocks!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 21:38 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 402

You deserved it 5 168

By confused - 02/09/2010 21:09 - Canada

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 553

You deserved it 3 552

By KamiyaHaine - 02/10/2013 05:54 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got married. The officiant of the ceremony referred to me as Amanda through my ceremony. My name is Anna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 329

You deserved it 4 255

By duped - 15/08/2011 05:45 - Pakistan

Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 325

You deserved it 22 865

By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 967

You deserved it 12 668

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 03:29 - Australia

Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 260

You deserved it 4 101

By Brinty - 16/09/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 597

You deserved it 4 535

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 201

You deserved it 48 054

By AnRom - 17/12/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 590

You deserved it 43 874

By jasonnn - 30/03/2012 05:00 - Australia

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 207

You deserved it 2 363

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 233

You deserved it 8 504

By spadesmollusques - 06/06/2016 05:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 009

You deserved it 1 322

By Husband - 13/03/2017 18:00

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 358

You deserved it 872

By anonymous - 03/12/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 724

You deserved it 82 540

By oopsydaisy - 07/03/2017 11:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 682

You deserved it 610

By Anonymous - 06/09/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 161

You deserved it 268

By Wilhelm - 26/04/2016 14:47 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 823

You deserved it 1 482

By Tigerninjagoalie - 20/06/2016 23:13 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to kiss me. It was a 5-year-old at the daycare I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 595

You deserved it 1 022

By takeiteasy - 07/01/2009 03:58 - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 648

You deserved it 34 449

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 715

You deserved it 373

Dreamweaver

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 08:01

Today, I woke up with a scream of pain to find the reason I've had so many realistic dreams lately: my boyfriend has been messing with me in my sleep because he thinks my reactions are funny. For instance, when he pinched me today, I experienced a very realistic wasp sting in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 93

Hmmm, candy

By SleepEat - 25/02/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 140

By wtf bro - 20/05/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 016

You deserved it 3 602

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 359

You deserved it 4 569

By whoops - 29/06/2014 20:37 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 322

You deserved it 60 776

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 2 856

Online shopping strikes again

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 20:00

Today, after saving up for a beautiful new dress to wear to my partner's 30th birthday party, it finally arrived in the post. I tried the dress on and the stitching instantly ripped, leaving two big holes in it. Turns out I'm no longer a size 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 723

You deserved it 1 983

Out of it

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 04:01

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 191

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 2 615

By anon - 25/12/2014 20:20 - United States - Irwin

Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I don't have a mother who cares about me. She is my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 153

You deserved it 2 492

By Username - 27/06/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 345

You deserved it 7 737

You tried, yay!

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 06:03 - Australia - Wantirna

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 056

You deserved it 12 631

By off the family - 17/06/2018 20:30

Today, my daughter apparently have had enough of my mother-in-law's favoritism and constant bashing at me by going: "Grandma, might I highly recommend death at this point." She's 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 352

You deserved it 369

By liver - 19/03/2012 00:51 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 809

You deserved it 3 576

Medicare for all

By US_Healthcare_Sucks - 30/07/2021 14:01

Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 74

By MAWZ - 19/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 567

You deserved it 5 132

By debodave - 22/07/2009 20:06 - Germany

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later; I was feeling devilish, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 139

You deserved it 68 521

By frenchfrypotater - 24/09/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 4 247

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Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:03

"Snowglobes" I chortled.

katy513 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:03

I can't believe you said snowglobes.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:03

"Snowglobes" I chortled.

Aerious 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 2:35

I cackled.

iliketurdles 7

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 2:55

I sneezed. ohh wait..

derpherp 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 2:57

I crackled.

zakkyzebra 11

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 3:14

I sneeacrackled...

shaneac 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 3:53

I guffawed.

MrNewOrleans 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 4:11

I exploded

BlackHoleSuns 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 4:15

C-C-COMBO BREAKER :D lol but really that was humorous. Its called Germ-X rub some on and get over it... Shit happens. Unfortunately so does ball sack smell.

RiskiBusiness 1

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:23

I... well uhm... laughed..

funnyFMLSplz 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:28

you fucking beat me to it. ^ by a lot tho. ;(

morgs1213 4

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:32

I chuckled at how I felt the need to say I chuckled.

uncbballwins 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:33

I jizzed.

Mirelly13 6

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:36

omg! Do you work at a gift shop?!?

ahole123 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:38

I sneeacragawplozzed

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 6:24

I pooped

blaine72 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 6:52

I tittered

C6Racer 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:55

I sharted.

kazzz23 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:03

I love your reply. xD

ohSNAPyall 26

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:28

"Snowglobes" is back!

kile88 2

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 10:22

I peed just a little

xIINotorious 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:48

I jizzled

crazypomgurl3 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 16:02

I coughed and then died

Katy326 10

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 16:24

I giggled

HouseHunter 2

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 0:42

I snap-crackle-popped

you_failed 15

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 4:16

I just took a ride on the ROFL-copter.

TheAftermath 0

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 9:29

I laughed so hard till I..... farted.

kibbleskid911 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 6:54

i ate taco

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 10:07

he has snowglobes? lucky i only have testicles

madeline9322 17

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Saturday 28 June 2014 15:16

I teeheed.

katy513 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:03

I can't believe you said snowglobes.

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 7:47

Snowglobes are so smooth and pretty <3

shaannonwilding 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:07

75- Yeah but balls are neither of those!

iloveloosy12 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 15:00

we call them testicles or of you still can't say it, we accept 'balls'

Edsterr 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 23:49

I, on the other hand, can't believe it's not butter

ahriel 0

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 0:44

haha!! nice

demo3000 0

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Friday 20 January 2012 6:03

You're a fucking idiot.

piiing 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:05

Turner_22 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 23:22

What, wouldn't you want to be in that situation?

DarkHelmet 10

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:07

no u didnt u couldve fist bumped or done the bow

Frickmetinajenks 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:10

Ah balls.

kcnutt10 1

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 6:38

To the window.......to the wall! Until the sweat drops down these balls! All the females crawl! Aw, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet! Aw, skeet, skeet mutha fucka!

ArielTheMermaid 17

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:55

what song is that? my friends sing it sometimes and I'm just wondering

bavegla 0

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Monday 3 October 2011 2:20

Google it

onepluszero 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:14

snow.... GLOBESSS!! hahahaha...

nolli024 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:16

Well, if it was just snow globes, then it shouldn't be a problem!

SluggerJ 7

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:30

he/she means balls, gonads, the family jewels need I go on

Thejackel79 9

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:05

i think he was being sarcastic

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:19

Scratching them or shaking them?

emileeann 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 3:07

win

Cypherrr 13

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:36

"Snowglobes." xD

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:36

I don't understand why he had snowglobes down his pants. Was he stealing them? Is this an American thing?

mazesm 11

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 2:15

There talking about balls, you stereotyper.

stitch_book 4

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 2:18

*they're don't take the joke too seriously. besides, it was funny.

poisonflower 6

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 4:07

Yes, Americans find it convenient to stick things in their pants as a way of stealing them. I do it all the time.

IHeartJimi02 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:14

18, Doc was kidding.

ConfusionsLoveMe 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:25

Canadians don't need to steal snowglobes , they live in one . :) no jk, but Op I find that rather nasty . FYL , clean your hand so that the remnants aren't on you . and FYI #18 , jokes , jokes ......