Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
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Top comments
hornytoad13 15
He was just trying to get out of the mans best friendzone
JasonUMN 15
They say dogs are a man's best friend for a reason you know...
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Comments (76)
tony1891 22
oh yeah doggy style
gracehi 33
Soft kisses from a dog? Damn. And I thought nothing could top the sloppy ones.
cathrope 10
Awww, puppy love :)
Dumbledora 9
I'm sorry, but how do you confuse those? Unless your wife licks your face?
Brandi_Faith 34
Exactly. This was my thought too. A kiss from a dog and a human are nothing alike, even the tongue of a dog feels different.
Miss_Whipped 43
You guys are overthinking this. Just sit back and enjoy it. Like OP.
RedPillSucks 33
"...half asleep..."
Enslaved 38
Only your dog smelling your mouth for leftover bacon would tolerate that dragon breath!
mkymouse90 17
aww.. If you locked your dog and wife in the trunk of your car when you let them out the dog would still be happy to see you... true love there
ironhead_fml 20
A sloppy wet one in the morning will always get ya going.
abattior 18
at least your dog knows how to you wake you
Awesomeify 15
Your wife must have one furry face, or your dog must have a pretty bald one.
gracehi 33
It's not cheating if you put peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off.