Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
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Top comments
hornytoad13 15
He was just trying to get out of the mans best friendzone
JasonUMN 15
They say dogs are a man's best friend for a reason you know...
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Comments (76)
dudeman1212 22
Makes me curious to see how your wife kisses? Huge tongue? ;)
azyjazy713 11
Baby, your nose is so wet!
vikky538 29
make sure your wife don't complain saying you are cheating on her...
fatman1970 25
Smooch the pooch? Yuck!
noah_1234 24
yoir wife never kisses you until you clean yourself up, part of rules of marriage
SimoneTaylor1994 15
That's sad you can't recognize your wife's kisses with your dogs. That is really telling you something right there
more4me 27
Your wife must have a pretty big tongue and furry face if you can't tell the difference ;)
cinskeep43 15
plot twist his wife is a furry
annarcheer 19
Dosnt that happen to everyone atleast once? Hahaha I woke up to my cat trying to choke me..
martin8337 36
Was your dog bigger than you? Red rocket?