Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
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Top comments
hornytoad13 15
He was just trying to get out of the mans best friendzone
JasonUMN 15
They say dogs are a man's best friend for a reason you know...
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Comments (76)
cjwayy 22
This started off so sweet and ended hilariously.
Peter_Ohnigian 14
Dogs have cleaner mouths than humans anyway
igive 29
My dog goes to town on his crotch. Don't know any humas that do.
PerditaDessa 38
Only because they can't reach.
crunchycheeto99 11
Dogs don't go for just one lick..
mainlineloser 9
Hows that bad, thats cute!
Zebediabolical 45
It's true. Dogs will lick peanutbutter from ANYTHING you can get it to stick to.
lexos 16
Your dog must be a good kisser if you can mistake a dog for your wife or it says something about your wife's breath
ladybugz23 13
aww thats so cute!
jackalsssss 6
Mm nothing beats early morning lovin
fantasyworld 39
How can you not tell the difference?
Nyx7 24
Oh you know you loved it