Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
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Top comments
hornytoad13 15
He was just trying to get out of the mans best friendzone
JasonUMN 15
They say dogs are a man's best friend for a reason you know...
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Comments (76)
PoisonOrchid 21
Hey, a lot of people are into that. No need to be ashamed lol
ChildrenOfFilth 12
Did you get any tongue?
ohSNAPyall 27
Only if it was a French poodle.
worldclassrager 41
Well it is said the human's mouth is filthier than a dogs...now after this I think this might be a new record
lina21 12
How do your dog's and wife's kisses feel even remotely similar?
elixaaaaa 13
Your wife must be a real bitch if you can't tell the difference
TanzWolf 26
You can't tell me you've never kissed your dog before.
FMLwithethan 1
If you can't tell your wife from your dog...she might not be the most beautiful lady
Dave_Davington 35
Just like all the movies, eh?
Kougeru 12
I don't see the problem
kkraemer 1
I think its adorable that you would kiss your wife even if your half asleep