Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
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Top comments
tjanes 16
Moving kinda fast, don't you think?
SonOfAMitch 14
What did it taste like? Hopefully something okay, as you don't want you to remember your first kiss as 'dog butt and dirt'.
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Comments (66)
khaoticpanda 28
Mm your first makeout sesh
chutney_02 22
Not human, doesn't count
SemiAuto 21
Never thought I'd hear that being a reason to why a kiss doesn't count
vipirius 18
20. Damn it, so you're saying I'm still a virgin?
FucYoCouch 13
Pretttty sure you're implying ***********..
falon142012 22
It's actually spelled **********. Like BEST. I find that weird.
SonOfAMitch 14
What did it taste like? Hopefully something okay, as you don't want you to remember your first kiss as 'dog butt and dirt'.
HarrisonVR 17
at least you can be sure you didn't give the dog any STDs
wcc7777777 5
I don't think that was a worry, seeing how kissing can't transfer STDs.
kinky44 28
Herpes exists. So yes he can.
CatchMe25 16
Herpes, warts, gonorrhea, syphilis, thrush (or candida)....yea there's actually a lot that you can catch via mouth. Forewarned is forearmed!!
tjanes 16
Moving kinda fast, don't you think?
beaglegal 42
Family members don't count!
dawsonstar 15
Sorry OP. That's pretty gross.
noatak 6
Well now you can only have better kisses from here on out. Stay positive OP.
False_Stupidity 41
I would hope so... o0
fluffywaspluka 7
A whole new meaning to “doggy style!”
SgtAssCheeks 21
No. Oh God, just no...
angelgirl52796 8
#29, your profile picture goes perfectly with your comment.
MisterDoge 14
That's happened to me countless times when I fall asleep. I honestly dont even care anymore.
Nyarlothatep 12
I condemn you to the deepest of the internet's Hell.
Verst 16
Beggars can't be choosy.
Voij 16
I might be alone with this thought, but I wouldn't put that much importance on a first kiss. Chances are that the experience will, similarly to one's "first time", be fairly disappointing in hindsight. That's just how it is for pretty much everyone. My advice would be to treat kisses in two ways: "Normal" kisses that should not be considered all that importantly. Treat these like common interactions between people who are willing to allow each other to enter the respective comfort zones. "Intimate" kisses are something that you should treat preciously and put importance onto, these are special and you should consider them as such. PS: I should probably note that I'm not suggesting that you go around kissing everyone you meet. Always do this stuff within reason and, if you're in a relationship, only as much as you know that your partner is comfortable with.[E.g. some people are alright with their partners giving kisses as greetings, some are not. Find out beforehand before you attempt this stuff.]
how_to_implode 17
Getting licked on the mouth =/= getting kissed. Dogs will lick you all over the face if you let them. Honestly, I'm sure it's not the first time your dog's gotten you on the mouth. (This wasn't supposed to be a reply to the above comment, just somehow got put here.)