Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character... - FML

By idonteven - 12/8/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49900

You deserved it

4447

Tweet

Share

The best cat

Does it taste good?

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By smurftastic - 3/9/2013 03:03 - United States - Murrieta

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49433

You deserved it

3777

Tweet

Share

By owngoalscored - 22/9/2018 22:00

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3507

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2017 12:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1875

You deserved it

3696

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/6/2015 04:21 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31064

You deserved it

3359

Tweet

Share

By Lostring - 2/7/2018 20:30

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3024

You deserved it

922

Tweet

Share

By fsdjhgasjlhg - 3/8/2013 06:46 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52781

You deserved it

4964

Tweet

Share

By OL2R - 17/4/2012 08:29 - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13036

You deserved it

39118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/2/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

I agree, your life sucks

7734

You deserved it

35857

Tweet

Share

By gan-1991 - 15/6/2020 23:01

It's called caring, OK?

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1090

You deserved it

234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35484

You deserved it

19741

Tweet

Share

By Waitingtomoveout - 12/1/2017 17:09

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6310

You deserved it

741

Tweet

Share

By Herbiee - 18/8/2010 12:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32357

You deserved it

13034

Tweet

Share

By ziggers10 - 7/4/2013 03:19 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52902

You deserved it

9866

Tweet

Share

By Estranged Fiance - 26/12/2016 05:49 - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7606

You deserved it

3152

Tweet

Share

By wetandhungry - 6/10/2016 13:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9604

You deserved it

693

Tweet

Share

By FUCKFACECUNT - 2/8/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29543

You deserved it

2369

Tweet

Share

By blaise - 13/4/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

168018

You deserved it

13297

Tweet

Share

By missy - 9/3/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87215

You deserved it

8628

Tweet

Share

By meowtickmeow - 12/3/2010 01:18 - United States

Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32491

You deserved it

2677

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38386

You deserved it

8377

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 29/5/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60676

You deserved it

3011

Tweet

Share

By Andiii - 26/7/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30446

You deserved it

8566

Tweet

Share

By Andre - 29/7/2010 10:56 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31643

You deserved it

9375

Tweet

Share

By toomuch - 22/11/2011 09:36 - Australia

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40186

You deserved it

12827

Tweet

Share

By wheezy - 6/9/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14956

You deserved it

28118

Tweet

Share

By Motorless - 8/9/2017 01:30

Today, after months of riding a bike through the rain, I finally saved up enough for a car. It was a little aged, but ran fine. That is, until a tire blew out, the engine stalled, and the battery died within one week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3213

You deserved it

315

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 11:10 - United States

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45054

You deserved it

30494

Tweet

Share

By whoops - 10/6/2020 02:00

Exclusivity

Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1517

You deserved it

141

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - 16/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52321

You deserved it

7015

Tweet

Share

By lyssamarie316 - 1/10/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26595

You deserved it

4711

Tweet

Share

By Rednbumpy - 18/1/2017 08:00

Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5023

You deserved it

553

Tweet

Share

By Treats For Days - 19/7/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52994

You deserved it

26470

Tweet

Share

By owwwww - 19/7/2012 20:05 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30649

You deserved it

3496

Tweet

Share

By SickMaMa - 9/12/2014 22:39 - United States - Cortland

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37665

You deserved it

4022

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2013 06:03 - Australia - Wantirna

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36993

You deserved it

12535

Tweet

Share

By failure - 15/10/2014 01:06 - United States - Loomis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37258

You deserved it

4963

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/5/2014 06:08 - United States

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23748

You deserved it

36826

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/7/2019 22:00

Today, one of my friends came over to go swimming in my pool. Before going back into the house, as it's all carpeted, I automatically took off my trunks, forgetting about my friend. I realized my mistake when my friend commented on my abnormally long foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1066

You deserved it

1194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 15:49 - United States

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10991

You deserved it

38269

Tweet

Share

By Helmet - 20/10/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21997

You deserved it

8948

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wederoney | 16

#5624889 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

At least you can imagine what would happen if you did.

By Kiki242 | 19

#5624893 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

We've all had that moment where a parent is like "if you ever did that".

Comments

By Wederoney | 16

#5624889 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

At least you can imagine what would happen if you did.

Reply

football98_fml | 20

#5625284 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 6:57

my imagination isnt great enough to see what my dad would do to me if i said that to him, and i have a pretty big imagination

Reply

nurchok | 15

#5625935 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 18:37

The worst part is that there are almost 2200 people that YDId this. Why, people, why?

By TorturedXeno | 27

#5624890 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

Well, you've been warned - even if you didn't do anything this time.

Reply

gzmn91 | 6

#5625083 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:40

The perks of being a parent...must be nice for them...

By Kiki242 | 19

#5624893 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

We've all had that moment where a parent is like "if you ever did that".

Reply

horne2 | 9

#5624956 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:32

Yeah, but you never get slapped

Reply

michelleJ11 | 25

#5624967 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:41

#20, are you sure? You'd be surprised.

Reply

horne2 | 9

#5625125 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 3:30

I mean you wouldnt get slapped for someone in the movie saying it

Reply

webbface | 25

#5625505 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 10:23

Not the point he made.

By WiseGirl98 | 5

#5624894 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:04

that's one way to make sure your son doesn't talk to you like that. slap him upside the head and tell him not too, when it was a movie character.

By alexwow1 | 13

#5624896 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:04

He did it for fun

By lissa_jade | 22

#5624901 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:06

I'd rather endure that than the awkwardness of watching a sex scene in the movie with your dad right there.
see? silver lining.

Reply

illegalbeagle69 | 23

#5625092 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:51

Yeah that's a very awkward 30 seconds...

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#5625320 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 7:25

... how do you make it last 30 sec... OH IT'S A MOVIE!

By phoneYuNOlisten | 16

#5624905 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:09

He didn't realize it was a movie?

Reply

MissWhitneyB | 17

#5624959 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:33

He slapped him over the head to tell him to never say what the movie character said ... Pretty sure he would be able to tell if OP said it

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5624913 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:12

He just wanted an excuse to slap your head

By UnluckyGenius | 21

#5624923 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:19

I believe the military term for this is "preemptive strike" it is a usually a sound tactic.
Usually..

By pikachulove14 | 14

#5624924 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:19

My mom does that.they take it personally