Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered...

By amayasoma - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

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Transportation

There's no helping some people

Modernity

Join in the fun

By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

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By shiznit - United States

Technique

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

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21136

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

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By Spencer Chan

Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML

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4364

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By OutOfWork.OutOfTime - United States - Cookeville

Today, I had my first job interview since graduating from university. The person who interviewed me informed me that not using my degree after two years practically makes it null and void. I guess instead of being a financial advisor at the company, I could always be a janitor there. FML

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By Forever alone Guy - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

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31042

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By loser doctor - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

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By alex - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

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By Gabriela

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

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35665

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

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By Kenny - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

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By n1a1t1h1a1n1 - United States - San Francisco

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

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By scruffy - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

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By lehonX9 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

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By Johntheladdo - United Kingdom

Well?

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

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By Nalya - France

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

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By That escalated quickly.

Today, I was excited by the thought of the bathroom in my rental being replaced after the plumber advised that the leak can't be easily fixed. Instead, the owner's decided to fully renovate and is kicking me out. FML

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By TOOshort

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

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1487

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By Project-Mayhem - United States

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

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By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

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31071

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By Stop being healthy

Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML

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4341

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By Mrs.Slyfox - Canada

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

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By xxlexi_lovexx - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

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By Claire.L - 10/5/2020 20:00

Catch 22

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

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By gatorhead - United States

Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML

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30369

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By BadIdea - France

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

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By whoops - United States

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

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By Tee - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

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22676

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML

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By Kiimmy - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

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By fuckparents - United States

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

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By yeah - United States

Nightmare

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

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58654

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

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By Demotivation - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

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By Rojo

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By unfortunate419 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

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Top comments

By EpicKid07 | 10

#5624892 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

Hey, at least you didn't have anything valuable taken. I'd rather have a $4 pack of cigarettes stolen than a $700 computer.

By alexwow1 | 13

#5624891 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

Hope you have insurance

COMMENTS

By alexwow1 | 13

#5624891 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

Hope you have insurance

\ | 28

#5624903 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:08

Maybe the mugger from a few days earlier is on a rampage... "The Serial Smoke Stealer" strikes again!

PterodactylMan | 23

#5624993 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:04

It's always the weird things they take

amayasoma | 19

#5625000 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:10

Sadly, I don't. I went to my car to get my registration papers for the insurance. :/

Gothicbunnyx3 | 16

#5625002 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:12

That's almost as bad as when someone broke into someone's car for cookies and then left a sticky note saying "thank you".

mattlw | 25

#5625005 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:14

Even if you had insurance the price of the window and cigs probably wouldn't have met the deductible. Still
Sucks either way.

alexwow1 | 13

#5625085 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:41

Sorry OP

OnlyTheDarkest | 17

#5625099 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:58

Oh wow.. I just got this really weird feeling that theres a button that says that! Strange..

\ | 28

#5625126 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 3:30

Enough of these ridiculing comments. Just thumb them down and move on...

iAlissa | 34

#5625128 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 3:31

#67, seriously. Move on with those comments.

SkyDog | 9

#5625305 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 7:15

Can't remeber exactly but some people have the bare minimum of Car Insurance.

If I hit someone. My insurance covers them.
If I hit something, my Inurance won't pay a cent.

SwaggCapone | 11

#5625669 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 14:03

Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess

By EpicKid07 | 10

#5624892 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:03

Hey, at least you didn't have anything valuable taken. I'd rather have a $4 pack of cigarettes stolen than a $700 computer.

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5624907 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:09

A lot of people where I live wish cigarettes were $4 a pack... But exactly OP. It could've been a lot worse

Isa_fml | 20

#5624937 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 0:23

Where the heck do you live that cigarettes are that cheap?! But yep, you're absolutely right. I mean, it'd be best to avoid broken windows altogether, but it could have been worse.

coversquirrel | 8

#5624990 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:03

Where i live cigarettes are 8 dollars. And he doesn't care about the cigarettes he cares than now his window is broken

Treveyon56 | 14

#5625009 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:21

The store near where I live sales them for under two bucks.

amayasoma | 19

#5625020 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:29

#39, I'm a she. Lol And yeah...the window is going to cost more than the pack of $5 cigarettes lol

StanBVB | 10

#5625030 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:34

Jesus. It's $12 here for a decent pack of cigarettes.

outoftown | 26

#5625066 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:24

52 - But the heart transplant is free, right?

sarah6786 | 14

#5625072 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:30

I live in upstate New York cigarettes are over ten bucks.

Naitras | 15

#5625077 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:32

@52... Only $12?! In New Zealand the cheapest is $15, it's $17 for the good ones

Sfaizi24 | 17

#5625079 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:36

I think op doesn't care about the lighter or cigs. He now has a window to replace, which is extremely expensive

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5625095 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 2:51

60- as do I. the only place that's cheap is the Indian Reservation

j_729 | 18

#5625130 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 3:36

Here is a solution. Stop smoking! The people who don't smoke find it really annoying to smell that everywhere we go. Not to mention how unhealthy it is for you and everyone around you

Pevira | 15

#5625134 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 3:45

Someone finally points out the obvious, number 74!!! Thank you!

amayasoma | 19

#5625155 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 4:10

74 - I don't smoke around people. I am not even a chain smoker. A pack can last me a month or longer. Plus,i am trying to quit. Even still. There was NO excuse to destroy my car window for a pack of cigs.

j_729 | 18

#5625183 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 4:31

80 - My comment wasn't directed only at you. It was also for the people complaining about how much cigarettes cost.

Incognito_1924 | 17

#5625276 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 6:41

80, I'm really confused. You seem to be claiming that this FML is yours, but it doesn't say that when you comment, nor does it say you have any confirmed FMLs..

SkyDog | 9

#5625308 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 7:17

105 It does for me?

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5625449 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:40

105 - If you notice, her comments are backgrounded with a different color than ours - as are all OP's with their own FMLs

zandalee | 19

#5625450 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:40

Love yr pic OP!

coldsteelstu | 4

#5625589 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 12:09

$4??? yeah they have gone up in price. depending on where the Op lives that could be a $15-20 value all together.

Lonus | 9

#5625793 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 16:17

Well since the usernames match...

Incognito_1924 | 17

#5625817 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 16:48

Yep. At the time I commented it hadn't changed. It just appeared as a regular comment. I thought it would have been a different color right off the bat. Sorry for the confusion.