Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML
Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML
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Top comments
Docbee 11
You're lucky he wanted your money and not the other type of booty
Redoxx_fml 22
Why is the rum always gone?
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Comments (132)
unknown_user5566 27
Too bad you didn't have any cupcakes. From what I hear, those are a great way to distract robbers. ;)
jetsown08 21
Are you speaking from experience here?
unknown_user5566 27
From FML experience. :) There was another post recently where the OP got mugged for their cupcake.
Roevera 14
Maybe it was the same thief.. He realized that one cupcake wasn't enough so he needed the money to buy more!
LGFUADnow 12
Well pirates always get the booty.
crankawank 19
Do what ye want for a pirate is free. YOU ARE A PIRATE!
umxduh 3
I think there should be a "Captain" in there somewhere.
KjoeLjan 4
Thank you! It bugged me that nobody noticed this before.
UltimateGIRness 16
(I know this is a stupid comment,but) I love the way this is worded
rooney0710 5
Whatch for the poop deck
unknown_user5566 27
The way you spelled "watch" made me think of the Family Guy where Stewie and Meg were putting a weird emphasis on the "h" in random words.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Everything is better with cool whip.
Xythenol 6
We're gonna be here a hwhile...
unknown_user5566 27
52- "Aw, c'mon, that one doesn't even have an 'H' in it!" ;)
KiddNYC1O 22
Stewie's ******* hilarious.
unknown_user5566 27
Kidd- That he is, good sir! He is truly a demented, homicidal, hilarious baby. :)
brohamas16 7
Least he was creative either sorry bout what happened
Axipiter 24
Engrish pease?
brohamas16 7
.....not Chinese.....and that was English
olpally 33
Loved the wording of this FML. Lol... You were mugged alright. Captain jack sparrow says thanks! :D
greenie213 23
Arrr! Hand over ye pieces of eight. Surrender ye gold doubloons!
Dcm210 19
i would've picked a fight with him