Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML
Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML
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Top comments
Docbee 11
You're lucky he wanted your money and not the other type of booty
Redoxx_fml 22
Why is the rum always gone?
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Comments (132)
Axipiter 24
Where the **** do the YDIs come from with FML posts like this!?
olpally 33
Trolls that are heartless assholes... they just do it for fun... Don't take it too seriously.
missunderstanded 5
you are alive, thank god!
alohalili 0
Also at least there not kidnapped right I would be thankful!!!!
cheefer 0
I'd gamble a bit and thank Mithria.
HooHooHa 6
are you really that weak?
Dixbfloppin 11
How dare ye insult the captain?! For that, you will be hung at dawn, ye foolish landlubber!
nightwishs 13
36 are ye really that fail???
syguerra 0
in America that would just make him fat.
asherm 15
I think you could have taken him. A well placed knee can make all the difference
rockinrussianboy 6
Johnny Depp is losing it
Hockeyboy4280 18
In America, that would be considered rape...
TheLadyOpal 30
Well, look on the bright side. I'm sure the reward money you can get for finding Jimmy Hoffa's colon will make that stolen booty look like chicken scratch :)
jennayyyann 1
If you were mugged by jack sparrow you should have given him more then just that booty.
cindykitty 0
You got mugged bitch! Lol