Health: Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency...

By Kayla - United States

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30760

You deserved it

8538

Favorite

Health

Late term

Taking stock

Spread the news

By theshad - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9928

You deserved it

28639

Favorite

By RachelVanLannen9 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37111

You deserved it

10671

Favorite

By cheaphubbyswife - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80412

You deserved it

5964

Favorite

By Youknowwho - Australia

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28220

You deserved it

2419

Favorite

By keiran123 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46224

You deserved it

3314

Favorite

By Lennie Mcfish

We are legion

Today, I'm so lonely that I created multiple fake accounts on different social media platforms, just so I can have people to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1050

You deserved it

534

Favorite

By StepFather - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1990

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Stella - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13128

You deserved it

28342

Favorite

By sadddddd - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40764

You deserved it

3250

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks

86565

You deserved it

5484

Favorite

By fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz - Sweden - Solna

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52374

You deserved it

5018

Favorite

By anonymous - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11314

You deserved it

36907

Favorite

By WorkWeirdo - Peru - Lima

Today, my boss finally checked the presentation I have been working on for three weeks. She called me into her office, and told me everything was dreadful, and requested me to start from scratch. It's due in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17456

You deserved it

1530

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24336

You deserved it

10705

Favorite

By Anonymous - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41661

You deserved it

6311

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Lindsay

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43313

You deserved it

6577

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7636

You deserved it

28788

Favorite

By why?? - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12499

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1345

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Eagle River

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27222

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By burritobreasts

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44051

You deserved it

5290

Favorite

By morenita27 - Canada

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51376

You deserved it

4057

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28475

You deserved it

18459

Favorite

By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51757

You deserved it

20836

Favorite

By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34111

You deserved it

2319

Favorite

By dabull - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54812

You deserved it

4013

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2911

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By Motionless - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42915

You deserved it

23690

Favorite

By AGB10 - United Kingdom - Tunbridge Wells

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42802

You deserved it

25785

Favorite

By Insomniac - United States

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30089

You deserved it

2901

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28228

You deserved it

1878

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45615

You deserved it

4070

Favorite

By jlol - United States

Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15922

You deserved it

47579

Favorite

By Septy - Spain - M?laga

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20728

You deserved it

1884

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27460

You deserved it

26171

Favorite

By smashed - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24911

You deserved it

6370

Favorite

By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, while sitting down on the dentist's chair, the tooth to be removed came out on its own. I still had to pay $50 for the cotton and advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9764

You deserved it

755

Favorite

By hairy - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40315

You deserved it

3812

Favorite

By The_failure

Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1657

You deserved it

598

Favorite

By poorlyparented - United States - San Antonio

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32071

You deserved it

5668

Favorite

By zzarzzur - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33789

You deserved it

4288

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By YdoIhaveAchode | 4

#4127348 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:51

That doctor is smooth like Keith stone.

By TheOnlyAlan | 0

#4127356 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:52

I'm in med school... I can't wait to use this some day.

COMMENTS

By YdoIhaveAchode | 4

#4127348 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:51

That doctor is smooth like Keith stone.

Trainspotting_fml | 9

#4127414 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:01

Did he throw on some Aviators and shout, "Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaah!" afterwards?

LookOnBrightSide | 12

#4127480 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:16

OP has to bear in mind that her doctor might be bi-polar. Ah, these puns are so grizzly, I almost feel bad.

hellbilly205 | 17

#4127484 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:17

Wow, what a beary clever doctor you have there, maybe it was Docbastard.

ydi_4_suking | 20

#4127555 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:43

Poor OP that beary sucks

iamyummylicious | 14

#4127885 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 12:50

Your pun doesn't work. Hmmm.

You're beary bad at making puns.

blackheart24 | 10

#4128208 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 15:30

Haha number 1's name is awesome.

acdc923 | 0

#4128327 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 16:14

Once I swallowed a nickel and the doctor said "Now that's not a way to save your money!"

ClassyCommando | 13

#4128479 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 16:59

"Indeed, it was simply unBEARable."

cheaptrix | 6

#4129400 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 22:05

At least OP didn't choke on pedo bear O.o

upsidedownfrownn | 5

#4130107 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 1:15

Haha. Your picture. Love it

XtraEzeee | 8

#4130260 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 1:58

If there was any more laughter PANDAmonium may arise

periwinkle95 | 10

#4130390 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 2:48

I bet that was embearassing, OP. But hey, I would have laughed about it myself if it happened to me!

Guren | 0

#4130518 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 3:45

You have to admit that was a koalaty joke

max_wilder | 9

#4130662 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 4:27

Always

power6053 | 4

#4130901 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 5:49

After choking you I would expect it to be a sour patch kid.

By jDCrackpot | 7

#4127354 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:52

I don't blame him for making a joke, I find it quite funny that you needed to go to the emergency room because of a gummy bear in the first place.

ColCyclone | 17

#4127491 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:19

It seems to me that this is more of a "mlia" kind of joke, because that was so clever considering all the stress he's put through during surgeries.

TexasJosh | 0

#4127827 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 12:30

I bet that Doctor uses FML, lol. Sounds like something an FML user would say in an attempt to be funny.

fymother | 13

#4127954 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 13:24

Maybe it was one of those five-pound gummy bears?

SuperKnuckels | 6

#4128723 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 18:12

well that was beary beary rude. :P

PenguinSwag47 | 0

#4130177 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 1:31

Yeah maybe they tried to eat one of those whole.

By TheOnlyAlan | 0

#4127356 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:52

I'm in med school... I can't wait to use this some day.

BeefyQueef | 5

#4128268 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 16:02

Use it on someone who has been mauled by a bear lolololol!!!!!11!!1!!1!!!!111111111111!! oneoneone

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4128827 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 18:46

^obvious troll

eb0ny | 15

#4129285 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 21:28

^ thanks for pointing that out cocknipples.

By ShansAl | 21

#4127363 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:54

Haha. Awesome doctor! Probably could have come up with something a little better though!

By someindiandude | 6

#4127365 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 8:54

Drinking some warm water to slightly soluate the gummy bear might have spared you this beary embarassment.

sadistmonkey | 19

#4127643 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 10:43

When you drink warm water (or anything for that matter) it passes through your esophagus, which probably not where the gummy bear was if the OP was choking on said gummy bear.