Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
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Top comments
Swift4Life 13
Sorry man. That really sucks & that's a terrible thing for your mom to say.
simplyblades 10
Girlfriends a bitch. Better before than if you got married.
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Comments (78)
timss4 19
Or maybe she's just loose from being a *****??? Lol I'd cut ties with both of them
JoshuahColins 19
Some people bro...
r0cks0 6
Girlfriends a bitch but why are you talking junk size with your mother
amifaiyaz 12
Your friend cares at least.
sassy2085 16
Your girlfriend went on the defensive because she got caught out. Women don't usually cheat because of the sex it is the intimacy they are after. If she felt that was an issue perhaps talking with you first would of been better. Karma is that if you cheated then you suspect everyone else of doing it and you are plagued with trust issues forever . :)
LyraAlluse 25
Your girlfriend needs a slap in the face and your mom needs a good kick in the buns. I'd be happy to do both for you.
jw90 18
That sucks man. You deserve better anyway.
jman26 11
First off, I'm sorry. Second, why would u even tell your mother?
blvcklvnd69 14
You should say I got a small pecker? ill find another hole to put my nector.
ZeroGK 9
whatwhatwhatwhat. bud, it's.. it's time to move on.. hope you can recover from this :/ you will find such a better girl i promise. i don't think that girl deserved you at all. lost in words.