Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
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Top comments
Swift4Life 13
Sorry man. That really sucks & that's a terrible thing for your mom to say.
simplyblades 10
Girlfriends a bitch. Better before than if you got married.
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Comments (78)
dermor 3
and you didn't rebut with a loose ****** joke? Shame.
Africanguy2 0
It ok i am here for i will take care of u if u want to
xkbz510 13
So sorry that happened man. I hope shes your ex, youll find someone better.
Omniprism 15
Holy shit. No wonder you choose bitches. I'd stay single for a little while and then try to find a sweet girl. And it's not how deep you fish it's how you wiggle your worm. But I think your ex was just being a bitch. Don't let it get to ya.
IsRaeliPrinCess 8
Well on the bright side at least you get rid of your girlfriend.
BeachBumNC 5
You told your mom you have a teenie weenie?
alkolaali 7
So you really told your mom that your GF cheated on you coz u have small dick. No wonder she she did.
rebel501 4
Once a cheater always a cheater and hopefully u heed ur moms words. Could come in handy later.
chuckcloninger 12
YOU TOLD YOUR MOTHER???
nani_rox 9
Did you ask her?