Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
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Top comments
Swift4Life 13
Sorry man. That really sucks & that's a terrible thing for your mom to say.
simplyblades 10
Girlfriends a bitch. Better before than if you got married.
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Comments (78)
MzZombicidal 36
I'm so sorry, OP! I hope you do have a friend that you're able to talk to! Your (hopefully ex) girlfriend is a bitch and your mom is... not the best person for that. Don't let it get you down, you'll be okay :)
mariepastyglue 30
cheating is never acceptable if you're unhappy in a relationship you should simply just leave that person and then go on about your business that's all there is to it!
GrinchFu1 27
I bet if you had a bigger dick your mom would have cared...
Bunny21 11
I'll sorry you have such bitches in your life OP. At least you can get rid of one.
Zombi_builder 6
Tell her maybe if her ****** wasn't so loose, you penis wouldn't seem so small
Grayness_ 26
Having a small dick or a regular size dick doesn't mean anything. As long as you know how to do it right. Eat her right. If her legs ain't shaking you ain't eating it right.
Dilwann 27
... shaking legs doesn't indicate anything. When my legs shake when I'm with my bf, he's doing it wrong and needs to gtfo. Not all women are the same, even physically. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Grayness_ 26
Bahahaha. Burst my bubble? Um no.
upallnight11 19
What face? Lol
happylawyer 16
Women keep thinking they need a big one to enjoy sex. What they need is a man that knows how to please them. Sorry, OP, she did not know too well her body and you may not be lacking in size but skills. Read, learn, practice. The ****** nerves are not deep inside her but in the entrance; if it were the other way, tampons were much more popular.
DJSam909 8
That's awful! It sounds like you could do without either of those women in your life.
tintaroja 14
The size isnt really important. Is the performance!!!!!