Miscellaneous: Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the... - FML

By maggie2014 - 23/06/2013 23:48 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 270

You deserved it 28 755

Empathy lives

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

The Teaching Life

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 185

You deserved it 9 114

By TLT - 16/11/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 299

You deserved it 5 812

By j_Lauren - 28/01/2013 04:48 - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 518

You deserved it 3 300

Contagion

By Girlygal32 - 13/09/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 469

By Matt - 27/06/2010 18:54 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 764

You deserved it 9 902

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 11:22 - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 179

You deserved it 13 140

Sashay away!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2017 20:00

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 698

You deserved it 369

By WTF - 27/09/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 606

You deserved it 1 536

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 20:02

Today, I went to a seminar about non-prejudice and acceptance. I spent the whole time being made fun of because of my pink shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 118

You deserved it 67 841

Thwack

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 14:24 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 584

You deserved it 2 785

By blahblah - 14/12/2010 02:01 - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 308

You deserved it 52 913

Can't take the heat

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 00:01

Today, I almost paid off my credit card. Then, a couple of hours later, my air conditioner broke. Found out it’s 12 years-old and leaking Freon. I’m going to have to get a whole new unit, which will cost me $6,500 to $10,050. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 03/06/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 7 354

Instagone

By Anonymous - 02/01/2018 22:00 - United States - Lyons

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 219

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 04/07/2019 00:06

Today, my fiancé accidentally ran over the priest who is supposed to be marrying us in 3 days. Now, not only do we need a new priest, we need a new church to get married in, with only 3 days to find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 258

By LP - 16/02/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 543

You deserved it 2 356

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 13:56 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 3 221

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 140

You deserved it 2 559

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 198

You deserved it 2 486

By lifesuck - 19/09/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 3 751

By Snickers - 12/05/2012 04:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 246

You deserved it 53 964

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 650

By Unluckiest Guy of the group - 28/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 682

You deserved it 4 950

By Star_Wars_Lover - 26/04/2016 15:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 709

You deserved it 1 634

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 18:58 - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 2 406

By rickjameson - 29/08/2016 10:19 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 104

You deserved it 1 019

By miewann - 03/03/2015 19:06 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 113

You deserved it 2 555

Some winners…

By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04 - United States

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 1 046

By Salzburg - 06/05/2019 12:00

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 163

Overreaction club

By Punk'd - 03/04/2021 08:00

Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 891

By buckid310 - 03/11/2009 21:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 842

You deserved it 2 639

By Beaky - 12/10/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 096

You deserved it 49 874

By kharrington - 07/04/2011 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 510

You deserved it 3 513

OK Shaggy

By familydisaster - 05/08/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 504

You deserved it 2 502

By anon - 27/04/2016 16:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 868

You deserved it 2 162

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 6 848

By LightsOut - 21/05/2013 22:47 - United States - Melbourne

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 700

You deserved it 3 390

By Titanic - 07/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, the girl I've been hitting on for months on MSN and that I'm about to meet told me "I know you are in love, and you know I'm not". Erm, no, I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 921

You deserved it 5 109

By jolene11 - 17/05/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 651

You deserved it 3 841

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:45

burnt twice! sorry OP!

ElementaryEdGuy 18

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:46

For some reason I pictured you having your iPhone on part of your body and everything was burnt except for that iPhone spot.

Comments

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:45

burnt twice! sorry OP!

MzZombicidal 36

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Monday 24 June 2013 9:00

The first of many burn puns.

Pwn17 25

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Monday 24 June 2013 9:07

Burned twice! That's a second degree burn!

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Monday 24 June 2013 12:09

Sounds like the guy who ran off with the someone's beats in the subway.

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Tuesday 25 June 2013 2:48

You didn't hide your phone? The beach has a lot of untrustworthy people.

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:45

That burns

jw90 18

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:46

Well that just plain burns

Monday 24 June 2013 8:46

Being an android user....i cant understand why anyone would steal an iphone?

Chelsea_bella 20

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:54

4 - Obviously to sell it so they can have enough money to buy an android.

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:56

I see....a method in their madness

omg36 7

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Monday 24 June 2013 9:10

iPhones > android

ironichalibut 24

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Monday 24 June 2013 9:29

Maybe they were an android user who wanted to upgrade, ohhhhhhhh snap!

CharresBarkrey 15

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Monday 24 June 2013 10:14

Being an iPhone user, I can't understand how anyone would have an Android... See what just happened there? We're different people with *GASP* different opinions.

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Monday 24 June 2013 10:37

You're an iphone user....your arguement is invalid

ironichalibut 24

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Monday 24 June 2013 11:44

I find this thread to be both about advertisement and not fun at all.. And yes, I did take that directly from the comment policy

Pwn17 25

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Monday 24 June 2013 12:39

Everyone, just use whatever the hell you wanna use, android or iPhone, it doesn't really matter.

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Monday 24 June 2013 15:52

You guys argue like your OS is your religion. Live and let live. Actually fuck it, I kinda want to see a Crusade between Android and iOS users fighting over the smartphone holy land.

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Monday 24 June 2013 16:30

I imagine that you can't understand why you got so many "thumbs down"......iPhone resale value is far higher than android (regardless of wether its a good/bad phone)...just so you understand now.

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Monday 24 June 2013 17:21

argument* :)

whiplash2289 19

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Monday 24 June 2013 19:27

where would the smartphone holy land be?

heyyitsemilia 11

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Monday 24 June 2013 22:09

I was once an android user. Then I upgraded to an iPhone. Since I have experience with both, I'll say that the IPhone is better.

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Tuesday 25 June 2013 10:22

I used to have an iPhone 4. Then I got a Droid DNA. Most aspects about my Droid I like better than my iPhone. But there are some things I miss about iPhone. There are perks to both. Personally, overall I prefer my DNA, but that's just me. And when this phone breaks I may get another iPhone (though a more up to date model) because who cares? One isn't more superior than the other.

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Saturday 29 June 2013 11:13

iphone 5, galazy s3, lumia 920, blackberry z10, htc one are all good phones (yes I listed the old editions because apple hasn't released a phone capable of competing with the galaxy s4 yet) just enjoy whatever phone you have, I like my galaxy s3 because you can download songs straight onto it for free without jailbreaking and I like the big screen and the large phone feel in my hand (big hands) but I'd be happy to use any of the other phones above because they're all good in different ways, personally the best phone for me would be a thinner htc one body with a samsung screen and speakers, microsd slot and ios6 (don't like ios7) with the samsung notification bar and soft touch buttons as well as the ability to download free music and torrents straight onto the device and be able to customize like an android

BobbyTheBilly 12

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Sunday 20 December 2015 21:13

Just get a Windows phone and be done with the fighting

ElementaryEdGuy 18

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:46

For some reason I pictured you having your iPhone on part of your body and everything was burnt except for that iPhone spot.

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:47

A burn within a burn....burnception

saxybandgeek 14

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Monday 24 June 2013 11:29

That would be awful just because phones get really hot in the sun. Op might have gotten an actual burn in that case

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:47

I'm going to have to admit you to the burns unit cos that was fire...

cuppycakeslove 20

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:49

No phone, and a sunburn. Both very painful...FYL.

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:49

It sucks not being a light sleeper

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:51

People Are so cheap these days

tragicnightmare 15

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Monday 24 June 2013 8:53

That sucks OP. However IF this was a large, crowded beach you were on, you deserved it because people will steal shit like that. Might i suggest you get an iPhone finder app for your next iPhone.

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Monday 24 June 2013 10:17

She deserves it if it was a quiet, secluded beach too, something even worse could have happened to her.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 166

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 2 731