Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
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Top comments
Swift4Life 13
Sorry man. That really sucks & that's a terrible thing for your mom to say.
simplyblades 10
Girlfriends a bitch. Better before than if you got married.
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Comments (78)
AnimeWeedLord420 6
wow must suck being a beta pussy nerd with a tiny dick, lol u deserved it nerd xD
cman024 4
haha that may suck but you spelled defense wrong... like damn dude really?
Pandamonia88 9
Actually he spelt it correctly with the correct English spelling. You probably should have looked that up :)
WhiteCrimson 23
What a tit of a woman. Its not the size of the boat its the motion of the ocean. As for your mom, dude just skip her next time, she obviously doesnt give a flying duck what you do.
mosquito19 14
size matter mate, your girlfriend is too big for you. you only need room for one, not two.
ginawater19 13
So not only is she cheating on you, she's doing it because your penis is small; and your moms a bitch. FYL that's a triple wammy.
kalbrek009 20
I think the girlfriend was just lying to you in order for you to feel bad about yourself when it is her that should feel bad for #1: being a cheating bitch, & #2: doing so many guys that she has gotten so loose that she can't feel anything anymore from anyone & just wants you to feel bad about her looseness as if it really were your penis size instead...it's not you..it's her.
TiffGreen 11
****** will be ****** no matter what size penis you have. Mom's a jerk. You need to get some positive friendly caring women in your life OP. Hope you can move pass this:/
meherm 11
Bitches. Bitches everywhere.
JCal585 8
Man up. You know what you do when your girl leaves? Find a new girl. And quit whining to your mom, that's what ******* do.
nixophebia 5
Dude, you need to work on your tongue skills. After a couple of manual orgasms, women fail to care about penis size. Trust me. Ps - lick the alphabet.