Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
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Top comments
Swift4Life 13
Sorry man. That really sucks & that's a terrible thing for your mom to say.
simplyblades 10
Girlfriends a bitch. Better before than if you got married.
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Comments (78)
xcarlito615x 24
If she's only interested in sex then you're better off without her lol
Kyle_Kawi27 7
Hence the term "relationshits"
RagerOnTheRocks 5
Dump her and tell her that you hope the door doesn't hit her in the big vajayjay on the way out
jackyjoker 2
"Look at those small boobies of yours, but I never go around cheating on you for larger boobies!" Its time to move on OP.
thatkidhesh 11
I'm sure the herpes she gets one day will teach her a lesson. sorry OP
phillysportsfan 13
Your friend did you a huge favor.
dmattimeoj 12
...and if she weren't such a ***** you wouldn't be forced to start your search for a new girlfriend after going to the doctor to get screened for any STDs she may have inadvertently exposed you to. sorry OP, getting cheated on really sucks - believe me, i know. the sooner you found out the better though.
relaxeazy 24
Wow that girl is a bitch!! She should love you for you
mikiyuro 4
have u tried your dad??
mr_sarcastic416 29
Not sure if i'm understanding the FML correctly but...You discussed the size of your dong with your mom??