Miscellaneous: Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding.... - FML

By why? - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32886

You deserved it

6406

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Serious times

Late term

By ShayanFCB - United States

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41933

You deserved it

2711

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28108

You deserved it

3657

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, despite all my begging for him to at least be civil, my son started his eulogy at his dad's funeral with the words, “Let me tell you a few things about the bastard in the coffin over there.” It only got worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2049

You deserved it

513

Tweet

Share

By wowsucks - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29754

You deserved it

4106

Tweet

Share

By Nafypoo

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3202

You deserved it

865

Tweet

Share

By Melaknee - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35363

You deserved it

149441

Tweet

Share

By Rush Snake - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8136

You deserved it

31486

Tweet

Share

By Sean - United States

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41180

You deserved it

7635

Tweet

Share

By bitchyskier - United States

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7921

You deserved it

63584

Tweet

Share

By D: - United States - Denver

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43051

You deserved it

3933

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35063

You deserved it

8137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39206

You deserved it

9645

Tweet

Share

By littlelia

Mirror, mirror…

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1522

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

By poor girl - 27/6/2020 05:03

Chill out, Mom

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By Maryann - 19/3/2021 05:01

Word of the day

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

798

You deserved it

66

Tweet

Share

By Jims - Singapore

Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39367

You deserved it

5747

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40612

You deserved it

3842

Tweet

Share

By John S. - 25/4/2021 16:59

Seize the day

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

817

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By effmylife - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50061

You deserved it

3655

Tweet

Share

By Rebecca - Australia - Dural

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13242

You deserved it

34677

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36050

You deserved it

3471

Tweet

Share

By Shuttie - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15552

You deserved it

43481

Tweet

Share

By wasntme - Netherlands

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

67445

You deserved it

7426

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56710

You deserved it

12867

Tweet

Share

By fattymcbutterpants - United States

Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36684

You deserved it

3497

Tweet

Share

By Ellencrazee - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28671

You deserved it

5247

Tweet

Share

By rastamerican - United States - San Jose

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25719

You deserved it

1794

Tweet

Share

By EternalBlossom - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28429

You deserved it

23859

Tweet

Share

By storyofmylife - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33108

You deserved it

7950

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36283

You deserved it

2575

Tweet

Share

By loving grandaughter - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34843

You deserved it

2736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 23:00

Sibling rivalry

Today, I found out my dad gets my younger brother a Big Gulp from 7/11 every time he mows the yard. I mowed for three years straight and never got anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1397

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By dm206 - United States

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18104

You deserved it

51740

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/5/2020 05:00

Father of the year

Today, I realised that anyone who claims they enjoyed spending quality time together with their spouse and children during quarantine is a liar, a big fat liar. I know my kids aren’t even 10 yet, but god, I can’t wait for them to get houses of their own and move the fuck out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

743

You deserved it

1844

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30798

You deserved it

58677

Tweet

Share

By regrub - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8348

You deserved it

29578

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20981

You deserved it

1336

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend got heartburn. She started freaking out, convinced she was having a heart attack. Five hours and an ambulance later, we finally left the ER with a diagnosis of 'too many hot dogs.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

3818

You deserved it

434

Tweet

Share

By hanzastfu - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34706

You deserved it

9293

Tweet

Share

By RIPLife - Switzerland - Carouge

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23587

You deserved it

1529

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MrConcise | 34

#6278934 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:59

Hey, a man has to look good for his wedding. Now he's smokin'.

By khorstmye | 15

#6278932 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:58

How do you do that!?

COMMENTS

By khorstmye | 15

#6278932 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:58

How do you do that!?

Reply

dcam13 | 19

#6279017 - Friday 1 May 2015 20:33

ahaha I know right? this fml made my day.?? sorry and thank you, op.

Reply

wchil | 14

#6279033 - Friday 1 May 2015 20:58

"this will teach you to marry into my family"

Reply

siggy_mcsigx | 22

#6279044 - Friday 1 May 2015 21:15

#1 I think you stumble onto the set of a rom com film

Reply

ZombieVampirez | 24

#6279090 - Friday 1 May 2015 22:52

Which part did you catch on fire first? O.o

By CosmicElk | 26

#6278933 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:59

Atleast you tried OP!

Reply

KK3137 | 31

#6278980 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:34

Yes, unsuccessfully tried to light candles..

Reply

ironmany_fml | 23

#6280261 - Sunday 3 May 2015 7:24

tried what? lighting the groom on fire?

By MrConcise | 34

#6278934 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:59

Hey, a man has to look good for his wedding. Now he's smokin'.

By Ecudaniel | 16

#6278937 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

Well you can say the groom was really hot.

Reply

TheBelt | 19

#6279110 - Friday 1 May 2015 23:45

Smokin hot.

Reply

thebosslikeaboss | 18

#6279812 - Saturday 2 May 2015 20:15

Hot damn!

By jessie85678 | 15

#6278938 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

Accidents happen, right? Lol fyl.

By Hunter_the_Ninja | 22

#6278939 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

I guess you just dropped your mixtape on him OP... It's ok. It happens.

Reply

zBLAKEz | 23

#6279031 - Friday 1 May 2015 20:54

Bardock Obama?

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6279073 - Friday 1 May 2015 22:08

Adolf Hitler?

By cutycat136 | 28

#6278940 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

Accidentally or "accidentally"? Was he really standing that close to a candle when you were trying to light it or were you just really bad at the task?

Reply

santosb1 | 11

#6278945 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:03

ahhh!!!! Too much thinking! Fire burn!

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6279102 - Friday 1 May 2015 23:28

Perhaps OP lit the candle and whatever was holding it up wasn't very sturdy, causing it to fall on the groom?

Reply

Ashfyr | 18

#6279338 - Saturday 2 May 2015 8:03

Or the groom may have been holding the candle, tons of ways it could have happened, would love a follow up to know the details however

By booze_n_bitches | 35

#6278942 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

The fire should stop him getting cold-feet at his wedding! Great job, OP, very thoughtful.

By 1dvos_grl3 | 21

#6278943 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:01

At least he went up in a blaze of glory.

By jentrynicole | 20

#6278944 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:02

I really need a follow up so I know how the hell this happened.