Miscellaneous: Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding.... - FML

By why? - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

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Messed up

Rock, hard place

Season finale

By Anonymous

Today, I found out my fiancé can't wear his ring at his parents house cause his mom and dad don’t want him to marry me, and it has nothing to do with me. They don’t like my parents so I’m not good enough for their son. FML

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By hcditfi5foygy

Today, I went to my dorm's community bathroom to do my business. After releasing the Kraken, as I was wiping, I accidentally let go of the toilet paper. Instead of the toilet, it hit the floor in the next stall. Someone was in there. FML

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By Wowfmylife - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

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By Noname - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

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By Kimmiko - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

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By TheKunitzShow14 - United States

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

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By nerdsgetmehot - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

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By sal - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

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By Kourou - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

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By Bonnie and Clyde - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

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By Tagged - United States

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

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By swimmonster81

Today, my mother told me how she managed to afford all of the expensive Christmas presents we got. She took out extra money when applying for my student loans. FML

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By Burny

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By Brody89 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

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By B - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

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By pencilskirt

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

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By traumatized4life - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

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By guy - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

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By Alexis - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By jannister - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

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By j - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

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By leem - Belgium - Zoersel

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

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By pyroman1127 - United States

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

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By "7thwardlord"

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

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By karen

I'm a meme

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

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By ex-wife - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

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By hairball - United States

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

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By 'creep' - United States - Littleton

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

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By Sad Sally - United States

Today, a therapist told me that I was too depressed to attend his depression group meetings. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

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By masterofblues - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML

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By Dead_Eye - United States

Today, I turned down an invite to a huge private party that is rarely given to freshmen in college, because I felt bad that I hadn't had a chance to talk to my girlfriend in a couple of days. I called her a couple of hours later. She answered with, "Hey, I'm at a party. I will call you tomorrow?" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

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By blondie101 - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

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Top comments

By MrConcise | 34

#6278934 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:59

Hey, a man has to look good for his wedding. Now he's smokin'.

By khorstmye | 15

#6278932 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:58

How do you do that!?

COMMENTS

By khorstmye | 15

#6278932 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:58

How do you do that!?

Reply

dcam13 | 19

#6279017 - Friday 1 May 2015 20:33

ahaha I know right? this fml made my day.?? sorry and thank you, op.

Reply

wchil | 14

#6279033 - Friday 1 May 2015 20:58

"this will teach you to marry into my family"

Reply

siggy_mcsigx | 22

#6279044 - Friday 1 May 2015 21:15

#1 I think you stumble onto the set of a rom com film

Reply

ZombieVampirez | 24

#6279090 - Friday 1 May 2015 22:52

Which part did you catch on fire first? O.o

By CosmicElk | 26

#6278933 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:59

Atleast you tried OP!

Reply

KK3137 | 31

#6278980 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:34

Yes, unsuccessfully tried to light candles..

Reply

ironmany_fml | 23

#6280261 - Sunday 3 May 2015 7:24

tried what? lighting the groom on fire?

By MrConcise | 34

#6278934 - Friday 1 May 2015 18:59

Hey, a man has to look good for his wedding. Now he's smokin'.

By Ecudaniel | 16

#6278937 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

Well you can say the groom was really hot.

Reply

TheBelt | 19

#6279110 - Friday 1 May 2015 23:45

Smokin hot.

Reply

thebosslikeaboss | 18

#6279812 - Saturday 2 May 2015 20:15

Hot damn!

By jessie85678 | 15

#6278938 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

Accidents happen, right? Lol fyl.

By Hunter_the_Ninja | 22

#6278939 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

I guess you just dropped your mixtape on him OP... It's ok. It happens.

Reply

zBLAKEz | 23

#6279031 - Friday 1 May 2015 20:54

Bardock Obama?

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6279073 - Friday 1 May 2015 22:08

Adolf Hitler?

By cutycat136 | 28

#6278940 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

Accidentally or "accidentally"? Was he really standing that close to a candle when you were trying to light it or were you just really bad at the task?

Reply

santosb1 | 11

#6278945 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:03

ahhh!!!! Too much thinking! Fire burn!

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6279102 - Friday 1 May 2015 23:28

Perhaps OP lit the candle and whatever was holding it up wasn't very sturdy, causing it to fall on the groom?

Reply

Ashfyr | 18

#6279338 - Saturday 2 May 2015 8:03

Or the groom may have been holding the candle, tons of ways it could have happened, would love a follow up to know the details however

By booze_n_bitches | 35

#6278942 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:00

The fire should stop him getting cold-feet at his wedding! Great job, OP, very thoughtful.

By 1dvos_grl3 | 21

#6278943 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:01

At least he went up in a blaze of glory.

By jentrynicole | 20

#6278944 - Friday 1 May 2015 19:02

I really need a follow up so I know how the hell this happened.