Love: Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah,...

By Forever alone - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

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26646

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12444

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Love

There's no helping some people

Triage

Walk on the wild side

By leapple - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

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9692

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

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34663

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3488

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 10:01

Bonjour!

Today, in a job interview I confirmed I could speak French, as I lived in France for 6 years and became fluent, but I was so nervous that when my interviewer started speaking French, I froze up and the entire French language exited my brain like it was escaping a fire. I was kicked out for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1331

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219

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By Frozen Delight - United States - New York

Bewitched

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2038

You deserved it

386

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By wearyconsumer

Today, I threw out all the food in the freezer that my mom had been keeping since 2013. When she found out, she said, "frozen food doesn't go bad." FML

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8417

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1103

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By sad_dad - Canada

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39920

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10209

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By helplesssssss - United States

Today, I took a shower in a beachhouse we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my cell phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37050

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By no, oh god no

Babe, I am your father.

Today, it was only as my boyfriend met my dad for the first time that I realised how alike they are. Same opinions, same dress sense, same moustache and beard, same height and body shape, similar jobs and cars, and they support the same rugby team. They got on like a house on fire as soon as they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2712

You deserved it

700

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 10:59

Who's that weird guy?

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

270

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647

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By stairmaster

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13389

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By fabz - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24951

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By rolyat - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36320

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By Lori_ftw - United States - Oakland

Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40809

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3659

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By bianca131 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with someone I've been casually seeing. He got all weird during it, and said, "That's a good girl". Once he left, I told my housemates about it. Now every time I do something nice for them, they respond, "That's a good girl". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27142

You deserved it

7804

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By Zach Got Robbed - United States - Clifton

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52182

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5259

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By ditched - United States - Ashland

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39958

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3818

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22227

You deserved it

5074

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Mystery message service

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of with, whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

764

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169

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

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33311

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By FML - Sweden

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34690

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5038

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By Disappointed - United States - Angleton

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24127

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7376

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By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37629

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30514

You deserved it

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By emeraldapostle

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

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2082

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131

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By mike oxsmall - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50938

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6532

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By beforegirl - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

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47448

You deserved it

8956

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By PaperInfection - United States

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32195

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Whittier

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

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43354

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3019

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By pyrosythan - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's dad chased me with a baseball bat because he found a pair of my boxers in her room. They were not there because I left them there, they were there because she stole them. FML

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51241

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39082

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By FunGhoost - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

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37330

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By mylifesucks22 - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14505

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By Broke Mama - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27638

You deserved it

7947

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By Anonymous - United States - Irvine

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

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40269

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2517

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By sadman - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35934

You deserved it

3768

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By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12820

You deserved it

51763

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By has-evil-friends - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31617

You deserved it

3605

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By chumman - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58014

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By Mylifesucks - United States - Lexington

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51213

You deserved it

3399

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By loser - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

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367568

You deserved it

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Top comments

By MrConcise | 34

#6279132 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22

Why would you even fucking brag about that?

By Roythetickler | 21

#6279127 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:21

Why say you kissed a girl when it was your money?

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6279126 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:21

Still counts.

feven | 32

#6279241 - Saturday 2 May 2015 3:27

Welshite is human too.

AlwaysWatching | 27

#6279708 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:42

I've seen my fair share of negative Welshite comments. Nobody is a comment-genius every time.

By Roythetickler | 21

#6279127 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:21

Why say you kissed a girl when it was your money?

MrsHaxxo | 22

#6279139 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:25

money?

tzemmy | 25

#6279150 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:33

I think he meant mommy

Jason89 | 14

#6279281 - Saturday 2 May 2015 4:57

i wished i was kissed by money, except i kiss it goodbye

SadLittleTurtle | 11

#6279297 - Saturday 2 May 2015 5:59

At least you have money to kiss goodbye.

be82tw | 17

#6279310 - Saturday 2 May 2015 6:23

@2,9, 14, Autocorrect can be a real birch.

muarif | 19

#6279512 - Saturday 2 May 2015 13:03

Birch, yep xD

By guinea_pigs | 9

#6279130 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22

Hopefully on the cheek? No worries, OP! You'll find your love someday!

By MrConcise | 34

#6279132 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22

Why would you even fucking brag about that?

TheBelt | 19

#6279220 - Saturday 2 May 2015 2:19

Probably his first kiss.

clemscott | 10

#6279232 - Saturday 2 May 2015 3:07

Your picture fits your comment perfectly

meganmax | 14

#6279279 - Saturday 2 May 2015 4:51

they cray cray?

Wabbajack789 | 15

#6280051 - Sunday 3 May 2015 1:54

No 42, just no.

By archnarquibquib | 21

#6279133 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22

You should have told them "No, it was my grandma!"

By boberle83 | 10

#6279136 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:24

How did this get past moderation

By feven | 32

#6279140 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:27

Yeah.. You definitely had that coming

By feven | 32

#6279142 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:29

To be fair we don't know OP's age

By abNormal62 | 23

#6279145 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:31

Absolutely

By abNormal62 | 23

#6279147 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:32

Anyone else placing this guy's age as under 15?

Vestin | 18

#6279167 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:43

#13: 30 seems more amusing to assume...