By Forever alone - United States - Lincoln Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML I agree, your life sucks 26640 You deserved it 12432 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/3/2020 15:01 Deez nutz hurtz Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML I agree, your life sucks 1821 You deserved it 452 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By maconda99 - United States Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML I agree, your life sucks 71834 You deserved it 5155 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad date - United States - Bennet Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML I agree, your life sucks 30241 You deserved it 3705 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By placard3 Cruel Summer Today, I went to the hospital to get a cast that I have been wearing for the past three months removed from my wrist. Thanks to said cast, I couldn't have any summer fun at all. The doctor took a final X-ray and said, "Well look at that, your wrist wasn't fractured to begin with." FML I agree, your life sucks 1846 You deserved it 135 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Amanda Today, my daughter has been using the "supertaster" excuse to not eat my cooking. To prove to her that she isn't one, I blindfolded her and gave her a bowl of jelly beans, then asked her to plug her nose and identify the flavors. She got every single one correct. FML I agree, your life sucks 1788 You deserved it 3823 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ima_Moronski - United States Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML I agree, your life sucks 39323 You deserved it 7081 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 22838 You deserved it 1669 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML I agree, your life sucks 53679 You deserved it 4896 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Prince George Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML I agree, your life sucks 36486 You deserved it 5003 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vicious circle - Sint Maarten (Dutch part) Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 21506 You deserved it 1670 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Almostlovedchild Today, my father made a post on Facebook with an old baby picture, saying how proud he was that I got into college. This would have been sweet if the baby picture was actually of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 6899 You deserved it 561 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wot02 - United States Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML I agree, your life sucks 30168 You deserved it 3266 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Augusta Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML I agree, your life sucks 22365 You deserved it 1758 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arctic1 - United States Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML I agree, your life sucks 20262 You deserved it 68409 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unreasonable - 23/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML I agree, your life sucks 2150 You deserved it 138 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 11:02 Conspiracies claim another victim Today, after learning that "phones are tracking you" and that "Google is spying on you" from some shady website, my son destroyed all our phones and computers. FML I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 159 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 48943 You deserved it 4164 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Crap - United States - Seminole Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML I agree, your life sucks 29062 You deserved it 1693 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By karebear - United States Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML I agree, your life sucks 33573 You deserved it 4622 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bridetobe - United States Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML I agree, your life sucks 51499 You deserved it 4820 253 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KitCatAttack - 11/10/2020 10:06 Hit and miss Today, I told my close friend that I have a thing for him. His reaction? "Oh, fuck." FML I agree, your life sucks 945 You deserved it 136 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 23:00 Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 1308 You deserved it 503 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MissIsabel - France Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML I agree, your life sucks 29043 You deserved it 12417 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Charleston Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML I agree, your life sucks 21563 You deserved it 1887 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58 Big boss man Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML I agree, your life sucks 775 You deserved it 205 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML I agree, your life sucks 8011 You deserved it 50554 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckerman - Canada Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML I agree, your life sucks 65477 You deserved it 4351 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom - Wisbech Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML I agree, your life sucks 28052 You deserved it 3793 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML I agree, your life sucks 13613 You deserved it 1387 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I care too much Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML I agree, your life sucks 1487 You deserved it 110 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Just keep the pins - Sweden - Floda Today, it's been 2 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML I agree, your life sucks 7987 You deserved it 837 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By michellemoyah - United States Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML I agree, your life sucks 30276 You deserved it 6868 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By swee t - United States - Greensboro Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML I agree, your life sucks 15446 You deserved it 1028 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ashlee - United States Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML I agree, your life sucks 41343 You deserved it 7783 341 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoFriends - Australia Today, I found out that my friends from high school have yearly meet-ups to catch up and talk about what they've done since school. They've done this for 3 years. I havent even been invited once. FML I agree, your life sucks 9219 You deserved it 864 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By girl - United States Today, in dance class we did a choreography where we wear two shirts and take one off in one quick motion. After I took mine off, the audience goes "aaah". Then I realize that I had taken both my shirts off as stood there with only my bra on. I was being videotaped. FML I agree, your life sucks 33204 You deserved it 6415 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 39167 You deserved it 3227 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fishyrael What he is thinking? Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1733 You deserved it 268 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ItWasOurAnniversary - Australia Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML I agree, your life sucks 12303 You deserved it 2447 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LonelyCashier Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML I agree, your life sucks 1903 You deserved it 181 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MrConcise | 34 #6279132 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22 Why would you even fucking brag about that? Send a private message 343 5 Reply
By Roythetickler | 21 #6279127 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:21 Why say you kissed a girl when it was your money? Send a private message 47 12 Reply
By Welshite | 39 #6279126 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:21 Still counts. Send a private message 29 49 Reply
Reply feven | 32 #6279241 - Saturday 2 May 2015 3:27 Welshite is human too. Send a private message 47 1 Reply
Reply AlwaysWatching | 27 #6279708 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:42 I've seen my fair share of negative Welshite comments. Nobody is a comment-genius every time. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By Roythetickler | 21 #6279127 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:21 Why say you kissed a girl when it was your money? Send a private message 47 12 Reply
Reply tzemmy | 25 #6279150 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:33 I think he meant mommy Send a private message 33 1 Reply
Reply Jason89 | 14 #6279281 - Saturday 2 May 2015 4:57 i wished i was kissed by money, except i kiss it goodbye Send a private message 30 0 Reply
Reply SadLittleTurtle | 11 #6279297 - Saturday 2 May 2015 5:59 At least you have money to kiss goodbye. Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply be82tw | 17 #6279310 - Saturday 2 May 2015 6:23 @2,9, 14, Autocorrect can be a real birch. Send a private message 15 1 Reply
Reply muarif | 19 #6279512 - Saturday 2 May 2015 13:03 Birch, yep xD Send a private message 1 6 Reply
By guinea_pigs | 9 #6279130 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22 Hopefully on the cheek? No worries, OP! You'll find your love someday! Send a private message 17 5 Reply
By MrConcise | 34 #6279132 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22 Why would you even fucking brag about that? Send a private message 343 5 Reply
Reply TheBelt | 19 #6279220 - Saturday 2 May 2015 2:19 Probably his first kiss. Send a private message 15 1 Reply
Reply clemscott | 10 #6279232 - Saturday 2 May 2015 3:07 Your picture fits your comment perfectly Send a private message 25 1 Reply
Reply meganmax | 14 #6279279 - Saturday 2 May 2015 4:51 they cray cray? Send a private message 1 17 Reply
Reply Wabbajack789 | 15 #6280051 - Sunday 3 May 2015 1:54 No 42, just no. Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By archnarquibquib | 21 #6279133 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:22 You should have told them "No, it was my grandma!" Send a private message 34 2 Reply
By boberle83 | 10 #6279136 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:24 How did this get past moderation Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By feven | 32 #6279140 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:27 Yeah.. You definitely had that coming Send a private message 20 2 Reply
By feven | 32 #6279142 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:29 To be fair we don't know OP's age Send a private message 29 3 Reply
By abNormal62 | 23 #6279147 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:32 Anyone else placing this guy's age as under 15? Send a private message 37 1 Reply
Reply Vestin | 18 #6279167 - Saturday 2 May 2015 0:43 #13: 30 seems more amusing to assume... Send a private message 22 2 Reply
Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea.... I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 117 8 Comments
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s... I agree, your life sucks 520 You deserved it 412 6 Comments