Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up… out my left nostril. FML
Today, while I was relaxing outside drinking a beer after a long day, a moth decided to fly right into my ear canal. I instinctively threw my hand up to swat it out. With the same hand holding the beer. I soaked the side of my face and down my ear. At least I got the bug out. FML
Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML
Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML
Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML
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Top comments
crazytwinsmom 25
Puff the magic earwig ...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I don't actually know what an earwig is. I keep imagining a tiny mustache/toupee that lives in one's ear. I won't google it because I like thinking that. Don't judge me.
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Comments (86)
RedPillSucks 33
How long had your inhaler been sitting around that bugs had a chance to take up residence?
lovecrazy12 14
That's what I was wondering and why wasn't it covered?
Sputnikspak 13
Earwigs can squeeze into ridiculously tiny places - it probably got in the inhaler through the gaps in the top (where the medication goes in - usually it's a cylinder in a rectangular hole, so there's plenty of space that way). And if it's a rescue inhaler? You don't necessarily have to use it that often, if it's been sitting in a drawer in the bathroom, could have easily got in there. We always end up with a pile of earwigs in our mailbox, which is really confusing, because it seals shut with weather stripping and has no holes. You kick them out and they'll be back in a few hours whether there's mail or not. Creepy little bastards.
WolfAtTheDoor 7
So...how was your asthma after that?
Aregonde 15
Oooooh. That's happened to me before, except the earwig had been camping in the spout of my water bottle. *Shiver*
Shadow_Phantom 26
*cringes and curls into a ball* NOPE.
nonnieluv 9
I am also unsure of what an earwig is. But since fml is such a learning community I learned that its gross when shot in your mouth
Aregonde 15
They're those longish bugs with pincers on their tails.
Relenaz 9
Fat, beefy-looking clumsy, shiny bugs with horns on their butts. I HATE THEM!!!!
jordanhraye 18
That's gross!
rhapsodys 12
How did it taste like?
BlueFlatts 20
How is someone supposed to answer that without trying it themselves? And covered in chocolate doesn't count. Although I can't get rid of this feeling that it tastes like a earwax Berttie Bott's every flavor bean. But we know one thing for sure, it doesn't taste like an ice cube.
sarah17xx_fml 10
Oh, it's better than Bertie's every flavored bean. It comes with the extra crunch! ;)
MeLikeBigBoom 8
I don't think I would ever be able to eat ever again if that we're to happen to me...
movetoyou 2
Damn I'm terrified of those things and to have on in your mouth! I feel terrible for you.
perdix 31
Is it now a mouthwig?
ManInTheMachine 20
Your comment reminded me of this freakish insect I saw on animal planet that latches onto you tongue, eats it, then replaces it in your mouth. Thanks for that. X(
perdix 31
#29, my sincere apologies. To ease your mind, try to resist the urge to look up Alabama Hot Pocket in the Urban Dictionary. That image'll **** you up!
ManInTheMachine 20
Only if you can resist the urge to look up Special Fried Rice. The challenge begins!
perdix 31
#39, oh, I've been resisting one that for a while ever since I fell prey to the Blue Waffle and the Lemon Party. I had a close call with "Two Girls, One Cup" since the first site I went to was a written description of the action and not the video itself. Now, I can accept being a Know-A-Lot instead of a Know-It-All ;)
Pleonasm 36
Octopus girl and tubgirl are good ones, goatse too, meatspin is a classic. All good gifs.
bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8
MITM, you're thinking of Cymothoa exigua. I, too, saw that episode and was thoroughly repulsed. They actually only attach themselves to fish, though, so we're safe for now.
EpicBlondie89 19
Perdix and MITM, you may also want to refrain from looking up red pancake. *shudders*