Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a... - FML

By Modeon123 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12355

You deserved it

1146

Tweet

Share

Deadly cocktail

Craft beer bores

Laundry drama

By justagirl - United States - Roseville

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41742

You deserved it

5854

Tweet

Share

By WhyGod

Today, I got a diaper rash from a pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8629

You deserved it

1038

Tweet

Share

By Tabby - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28474

You deserved it

3829

Tweet

Share

By keyshame - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38239

You deserved it

6448

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

You deserved it

348

Tweet

Share

By apparently_disabled - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33012

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By man-period? - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23310

You deserved it

1614

Tweet

Share

By spaceavery - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16065

You deserved it

1536

Tweet

Share

By Manu - United States - Columbia

Today, I went to get my first manicure. While waiting, I looked at the menu board. When I wondered aloud: "I know what a French manicure is, but what on Earth is a Polish change?" The whole place started laughing and I guess I'm not going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5679

You deserved it

1559

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 05:00

Stuck in the past

Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1294

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the two weeks since my paycheck should have arrived. During these two weeks, my battery has failed, tire has blown, and my phone and water bill have become past due. When I called the guy who's supposed to pay me, he said he has a note about it "somewhere on my desk". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29726

You deserved it

2293

Tweet

Share

By keifer13 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15582

You deserved it

56094

Tweet

Share

By fanaticalfuckspawn - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39062

You deserved it

3150

Tweet

Share

By FabFor87 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6605

You deserved it

508

Tweet

Share

By Itsnotmeitsyou - Australia

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45841

You deserved it

5069

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29070

You deserved it

8734

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40874

You deserved it

2725

Tweet

Share

By PuddlePirate - United States - Mountain Iron

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30528

You deserved it

3416

Tweet

Share

By Gabriel A - United States

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18233

You deserved it

83984

Tweet

Share

By Matthew - United States - Largo

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5041

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By Wellpoo

Today, I started 2018 with a bad case of food poisoning. Not exactly the new year cleanse I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3151

You deserved it

302

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27818

You deserved it

46539

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24061

You deserved it

4558

Tweet

Share

By Invisible

Today, I realized how little my husband, son and I mean to my in-laws. We were somehow left off the distribution list for my sister-in-law's birthday party. I even texted her to wish her well. It wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't the fifth consecutive family event we were left out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3719

You deserved it

307

Tweet

Share

By armenta427 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44762

You deserved it

3245

Tweet

Share

By Randomspaghetti - United States - Lehi

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14060

You deserved it

2295

Tweet

Share

By young grandpa - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65972

You deserved it

40682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5095

You deserved it

567

Tweet

Share

By Kourou - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34097

You deserved it

3004

Tweet

Share

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33697

You deserved it

4088

Tweet

Share

By textfail - United States

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31008

You deserved it

103848

Tweet

Share

By ishweta56 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14483

You deserved it

26327

Tweet

Share

By Mikey832 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46771

You deserved it

14745

Tweet

Share

By cockblocked - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14833

You deserved it

23799

Tweet

Share

By Isabell - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23578

You deserved it

5822

Tweet

Share

By asdfasdf - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44030

You deserved it

5911

Tweet

Share

By hopeless1 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

104597

You deserved it

5748

Tweet

Share

By Emma - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22145

You deserved it

1556

Tweet

Share

By Earthling - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14222

You deserved it

978

Tweet

Share

By Airplane crap - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33881

You deserved it

4102

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6704426 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:24

"Today, I witnessed a predator devouring what I thought was my hive's larval population, so I took it upon myself to defend the queen's honor and attacked. I nearly got eaten. Protecting rice. FML"

By WCARlover | 34

#6704418 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:03

I'm sorry OP but if you want honey on your rice that's not the best way to go about it

COMMENTS

By WCARlover | 34

#6704418 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:03

I'm sorry OP but if you want honey on your rice that's not the best way to go about it

By stingray112 | 24

#6704419 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:07

Just eat through your nose next time

By FalloutScrolls | 25

#6704421 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:09

Hope you bit down and exacted your revenge. It actually would have been merciful, granting it a quicker death like that.

By stevenJB | 25

#6704423 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:12

Gotta get your protein one way or the other!

By species4872 | 19

#6704424 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:13

I'm home honey!

By Tripartita | 44

#6704426 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:24

"Today, I witnessed a predator devouring what I thought was my hive's larval population, so I took it upon myself to defend the queen's honor and attacked. I nearly got eaten. Protecting rice. FML"

Reply

sungrays | 16

#6704450 - Thursday 20 October 2016 19:36

Plus he would've died, right? From stinging something. So it's ghost bee writing the fml.

Reply

MasterTron | 24

#6704472 - Thursday 20 October 2016 21:19

She. Some where around 90% of a hive is female

Reply

ShadowWyvern666 | 16

#6704480 - Thursday 20 October 2016 22:52

Very few bees die from stinging something, it's mainly just bumblebees.

Reply

buttcrackles | 9

#6704652 - Friday 21 October 2016 16:10

#17 Feel free to read the FML again.

By el_Jeffe_D | 11

#6704427 - Thursday 20 October 2016 17:24

I guess the phrase "Bites without a sting" doesn't apply to you.

By RichardPencil | 28

#6704434 - Thursday 20 October 2016 18:02

Are you sure it wasn't sriracha sauce? That shit is hot!

Reply

Alup132 | 22

#6704491 - Friday 21 October 2016 1:49

It's not very hot, actually.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6704515 - Friday 21 October 2016 4:30

I had Sriracha when Subway was doing the Hunger Games promo. It may depend on you but it was kinda there.

By Yourheadache | 19

#6704440 - Thursday 20 October 2016 19:13

hope you ate the motherfucker too, lol!

By olpally | 32

#6704445 - Thursday 20 October 2016 19:30

I'm cringing at the mental image of this. Ouch!