Miscellaneous: Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a... - FML

By Modeon123 - 20/10/2016 10:11 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 395

You deserved it 1 150

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Broken heart

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 6 169

Stay classy, bro

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 02:02

Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 01:54 - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 027

You deserved it 3 095

By cAtaLanbLoOd - 24/10/2013 06:06 - France - Perpignan

Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 51 524

Food porn

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 14:00

Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 368

Oh gosh

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 14:00

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 649

By joanikens - 26/03/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 029

You deserved it 6 063

By chloecamp - 15/07/2014 03:35 - United States - Ellington

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 166

You deserved it 4 233

By ashamed - 14/12/2014 02:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 051

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 471

You deserved it 52 137

SK8 OR DIE

By TeenaIs - 25/10/2019 16:00

Today, I asked a random guy at the skate park if he knew anyone who could sell me some weed. Turns out he was a parole officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 2 823

By rr - 15/08/2011 15:55 - Canada

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 633

You deserved it 37 654

By jolene11 - 17/05/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 651

You deserved it 3 841

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 234

You deserved it 8 063

By FBfail - 28/02/2010 13:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw my boyfriend of two years had joined a group on facebook called 'Guys who are proud of their girlfriends'. I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying "Awww thanks babe :) xxxx". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 591

You deserved it 2 987

By shut up. - 11/11/2013 10:36 - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 874

You deserved it 3 205

By finalyearsofhate - 13/03/2017 22:00

Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 237

You deserved it 520

By grace - 13/08/2015 14:54 - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 1 644

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 06:51 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend of eight months that if she didn't start taking my band's music seriously, we couldn't see each other anymore. She said fine, and I hugged her, but then she stood up and said 'I hope we can still be friends,' and walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 063

You deserved it 71 890

Are you a wizard?

By elaine - 02/02/2021 21:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I tried to prove a point to my six-year-old son who refuses to drink water from the kitchen sink in favor of from the bathroom faucet. I filled up two cups, one with the kitchen water and another with the bathroom water, thinking he wouldn’t tell the difference. He gagged on the kitchen water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 835

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 23:02 - United States - Rocky Point

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 824

You deserved it 5 618

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 674

You deserved it 9 413

By Mulee - 07/03/2009 12:03 - Belgium

Spicy

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 167 712

By i_am_forever - 06/01/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter was putting clothes in the drier when she yelled, "Mom!! The drier won't start!" I had to explain to her that the door needed to be shut. Her response, "Oh. I didn't know that mattered." She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 712

You deserved it 6 070

By stellarshaun - 16/01/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 204

You deserved it 10 838

By Chris - 27/08/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I thought it would be funny to take an airhorn to a golf course and blow it while people were teeing off. It was very funny, until I blew the horn during some guy's backswing and his ball was shanked in my direction and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 5 053

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 696

You deserved it 3 255

By nonbelieber - 26/11/2012 00:55 - United States - Keenesburg

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 694

You deserved it 3 804

Brain fart Andy over here

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 16:01 - Italy

Today, as I was getting dressed after a shower, I spent a good 30 seconds searching for my underwear… which I'd already put on at that point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 111

You deserved it 3 641

By fucker43 - 02/06/2013 06:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 730

You deserved it 4 714

By rimenrezon - 06/01/2015 14:10 - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 865

You deserved it 2 465

By anonymous - 16/08/2015 03:16 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 228

You deserved it 2 072

By frankfukhergood - 09/07/2009 05:49 - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 993

You deserved it 3 331

By quinndulgent - 29/11/2015 21:10 - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 232

You deserved it 1 952

By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 895

You deserved it 1 216

By Stormy - 27/02/2011 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 968

You deserved it 13 953

By mrs.nerd - 23/10/2011 12:38 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 4 519

By Sweeney - 20/05/2009 17:54 - United States

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 924

You deserved it 76 161

Dr House

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 306

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:24

"Today, I witnessed a predator devouring what I thought was my hive's larval population, so I took it upon myself to defend the queen's honor and attacked. I nearly got eaten. Protecting rice. FML"

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:03

I'm sorry OP but if you want honey on your rice that's not the best way to go about it

Comments

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:03

I'm sorry OP but if you want honey on your rice that's not the best way to go about it

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:07

Just eat through your nose next time

FalloutScrolls 25

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:09

Hope you bit down and exacted your revenge. It actually would have been merciful, granting it a quicker death like that.

stevenJB 25

Thursday 20 October 2016 17:12

Gotta get your protein one way or the other!

species4872 19

Thursday 20 October 2016 17:13

I'm home honey!

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:24

"Today, I witnessed a predator devouring what I thought was my hive's larval population, so I took it upon myself to defend the queen's honor and attacked. I nearly got eaten. Protecting rice. FML"

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Thursday 20 October 2016 19:36

Plus he would've died, right? From stinging something. So it's ghost bee writing the fml.

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Thursday 20 October 2016 21:19

She. Some where around 90% of a hive is female

ShadowWyvern666 16

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Thursday 20 October 2016 22:52

Very few bees die from stinging something, it's mainly just bumblebees.

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Friday 21 October 2016 16:10

#17 Feel free to read the FML again.

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Thursday 20 October 2016 17:24

I guess the phrase "Bites without a sting" doesn't apply to you.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 20 October 2016 18:02

Are you sure it wasn't sriracha sauce? That shit is hot!

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Friday 21 October 2016 1:49

It's not very hot, actually.

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Friday 21 October 2016 4:30

I had Sriracha when Subway was doing the Hunger Games promo. It may depend on you but it was kinda there.

Yourheadache 19

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Thursday 20 October 2016 19:13

hope you ate the motherfucker too, lol!

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Thursday 20 October 2016 19:30

I'm cringing at the mental image of this. Ouch!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 2 256

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 193