Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the... - FML

By 12incher - 15/3/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

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Body issues

Time don't heal nothing

Live dumping

By caroline - 29/10/2015 20:02 - Germany

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2015 12:27 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

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By Jgfenix - 22/9/2015 00:24 - United States - Aurora

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

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By AccidentalToiletSpy - 21/8/2018 20:30

Today, in the bathroom at work, I heard two co-workers enter and begin a very private discussion. Not wanting to embarrass either of them, I figured I'd sit quietly until they left. Big mistake. They talked for an hour and a half. I couldn't feel my legs. FML

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By womanoski - 20/2/2016 17:56 - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

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By ledentist - 12/9/2012 02:24 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2016 21:02 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

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By dez - 16/10/2016 05:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't have an email, I have a Gmail." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 10:28 - United States - Richmond

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

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By monsterdanceman - 23/10/2013 23:16 - United States - Ozark

Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML

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By ozozl - 7/11/2014 04:29 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

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By elow72 - 19/2/2016 21:47 - United States - Nashua

Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML

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By wtf yourself, cunt - 17/9/2012 23:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

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By balancestrikesagain - 24/4/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2012 10:32 - United States - Singapore

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

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By towelwindow - 5/8/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

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By Sadmom - 14/9/2016 02:15 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

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By downgirl - 4/11/2015 06:02 - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By obsessed - 27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

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By hunter168647 - 2/7/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

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By ThisGuy97 - 12/8/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 01:28

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

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By Gassy and sassy - 7/12/2014 06:15 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

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By ticketed - 28/8/2012 16:04 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned that several thousand people in my state got tickets this month for driving and talking on the phone. My mom called to tell me this while I was driving. I'm now part of that statistic. Thanks, mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2019 00:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

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By targe - 19/10/2011 09:40 - Australia

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

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By KrissyBearr - 31/12/2011 01:36 - United States

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

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By Kelly - 2/10/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

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By Pims - 15/4/2017 12:00

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

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By evilplatypus - 11/2/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

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By babypenguin00 - 29/8/2015 19:20 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

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By MM - 21/1/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

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By datingamoron - 14/2/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

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By jackskellington - 11/2/2015 04:34 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

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By oh for f*cks sake - 20/3/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

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Top comments

By Dr_Chronic | 0

#32709 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:12

Hahah that fuckin suxs, u just have to look at a fugly chick to get it to go away

By ohwowthatsucks25 | 0

#32798 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:33

can't you be like "DOWN BOY" and control it with your mind?

Comments

By Dr_Chronic | 0

#32709 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

vgmaster | 0

#794390 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:27

haha!!!! this is why i love fml's!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

BlueJeans2626 | 0

#794920 - Sunday 24 January 2010 6:17

did you get wet?

Reply

cocopuff96 | 0

#933292 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 22:30

hah ttly

Reply

MyNameIsTheBest | 0

#1087461 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 5:45

tried flicking and got way harder but now more girls ask me out

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1315085 - Sunday 29 August 2010 6:58

haha I love how his name is 12incher. yeah right :P this reminds me of that one song... boner by straight out of junior high

Reply

smdbeeach | 0

#1354026 - Sunday 5 September 2010 7:24

i never wear basketball shorts for that exzact reason. and if i do wear it and i get a boner you just lift it up to i think its called the waistband so its held between your skin and shorts :)

Reply

Randen_fml | 0

#1502645 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 15:39

self control my friend. insta boner? haha just act like your sleeping an ignore the teacher.

Reply

DeadSorrow | 3

#5025235 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 6:45

You obviously have never been a guy.

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5047563 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:22

People don't decide when they get an erection, it just happens when your aroused.

Reply

Ifuckedthefeartu | 30

#6549927 - Wednesday 2 March 2016 0:26

You're a douche kid

By suckmybrain | 0

#32721 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:25

Hot! :D

Reply

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#2301316 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:53

I like his username...12incher!

By Yuuhi | 0

#32723 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:26

kinda hot hahahaha.....you teenagers lolz

By TheAntiComment | 0

#32732 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:33

I woulda sported it like a Champ. Then to make it better say:

"Sorry Mr./Mrs. -teachers name-, but I have more important things to do. [walk over to hot chick]. I am sorry but I couldn't help but notice that your very attractive, and my penis could satisfy a whale. What should we do about this?"

Reply

PinkNmetal | 0

#389872 - Sunday 12 July 2009 12:40

Attracted to sluts much? Yuck. You need some class.

Anyway, i'm glad i'm a girl- if I was a boy, i'd have a boner ALL THE TIME. :'D

Reply

moglobalsoccer | 0

#817477 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 3:39

Nancy drew u r hott

Reply

050294 | 0

#873086 - Friday 19 February 2010 20:43

Yes it does

Reply

baby_val | 0

#916321 - Friday 5 March 2010 8:05

hahaha same here

Reply

Jinxy21 | 0

#1029952 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:31

I throughly love your name miss

Reply

Jinxy21 | 0

#1029961 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:41

And by miss I mean 153

Reply

nhormuss | 17

#5818046 - Sunday 5 January 2014 22:33

Lol u horny little bastard ;-)

By Checkitawwt | 0

#32737 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:39

Somebody likes to think they're manly huh, 12incher? ;) But anyways, that's hilarious. Reminds me of this person that does this constantly... Haha.

By HotAsIce99 | 0

#32780 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:20

LOLZ

By ohwowthatsucks25 | 0

#32797 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:34

but that sux haha

By ohwowthatsucks25 | 0

#32798 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:33

can't you be like "DOWN BOY" and control it with your mind?

Reply

justine470 | 0

#1071791 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 20:33

This^

Reply

Nadinek98 | 0

#1728418 - Saturday 20 November 2010 20:13

win!! hahahhahah

Reply

hyatt97 | 0

#4492580 - Monday 28 May 2012 23:06

No just.... No

Reply

ReturnOfTheRat | 6

#4770743 - Saturday 4 August 2012 5:03

8 this comment just... it made me so happy. Thank you:)

Reply

thatoneguy500 | 8

#6589636 - Tuesday 26 April 2016 20:56

Either your a girl who hardly know what a boner is, or your just fucking stupid.

By totalx | 0

#32813 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:42

Put it in your elastic waist band. You wouldn't be the first one to have that happen to them.

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#908925 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:20

exactly what i was going to suggest :)

Reply

liveitup1247 | 0

#1047299 - Monday 28 June 2010 19:33

how do u tuck it in ur waistband?? is tht possible?

Reply

zac12345 | 0

#1139470 - Sunday 25 July 2010 20:16

not unless your over 2 inches

Reply

t52280 | 2

#4680192 - Thursday 12 July 2012 20:55

Your dick is obviously small, or your a girl, if you have never tucked it into your waistband.

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#32820 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:46

Gosh, I'm glad I'm a girl. ;)

Reply

nightELFassasin6 | 0

#985303 - Monday 26 April 2010 22:46

u look more like a man to me

Reply

TheAftermath | 0

#2012234 - Thursday 27 January 2011 10:41

Her picture doesn't even look like a man. Not one bit. Get a eye checkup.

Reply

mcr22dnb | 4

#3464777 - Friday 21 October 2011 6:10

Yeah don't go hating on random people, she's clearly a girl