Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the... - FML

By 12incher - 15/3/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

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Breaking Badly

Spooky

Risky business

By CheeseAndCrackers - 30/4/2020 08:00

Everyone loves a weepie

Today, my always over-emotional husband burst into sobs when I thanked him for making me lunch. Apparently, I did not compliment his cooking enough. He microwaved me a Hot Pocket; it was still frozen in the middle. FML

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By blargggggg - 10/11/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a company I interviewed with three weeks ago. They didn't mention giving my $200 portfolio back. Guess I'll keep using my 4-year degree to wait tables. FML

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By Yudith - 27/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

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By Fonzie34 - 1/3/2010 02:42 - United States

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

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By fatty - 9/6/2009 08:39 - Germany

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2014 19:40 - United States - Clive

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

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By oxjessiiox - 11/10/2009 15:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

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By milamadeleine243 - 22/10/2020 14:00

Runner up

Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML

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By dancingqueef - 22/6/2016 02:39 - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

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By ActuallyDoneFor - 10/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "...if I was single." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

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By failure as a parent - 11/5/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

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By scruffy - 10/5/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

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By shark - 27/11/2012 03:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

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By Eheath12Jheath14 - 12/7/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML

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By hatemebeforetheyevenhatch - 24/2/2015 00:08 - United Kingdom - Clydebank

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

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By Emily - 17/12/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

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By Singlelady - 21/9/2016 19:16 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

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By cat_loser - 9/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

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By BirthdayTeeth - 16/6/2009 11:14 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

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By YouAREthefather - 18/3/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

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By killmenow - 3/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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By RubyRed213 - 30/5/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

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By Lil Bro - 17/7/2016 02:05 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

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By jjhach - 12/9/2014 22:27 - Canada - Aldouane

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

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By search_me - 16/7/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

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By Keith walk - 12/2/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

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By lifesux - 31/12/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

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By Sarah220 - 12/7/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

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By haley - 16/11/2018 14:00

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2016 16:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML

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By Kutakito - 15/4/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

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By Almost Fired - 15/8/2019 12:00

Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML

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By Ringless - 25/2/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

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By ChubbyTubby - 17/1/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

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Top comments

By Dr_Chronic | 0

#32709 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:12

Hahah that fuckin suxs, u just have to look at a fugly chick to get it to go away

By ohwowthatsucks25 | 0

#32798 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:33

can't you be like "DOWN BOY" and control it with your mind?

COMMENTS

By Dr_Chronic | 0

#32709 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

vgmaster | 0

#794390 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:27

haha!!!! this is why i love fml's!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

BlueJeans2626 | 0

#794920 - Sunday 24 January 2010 6:17

did you get wet?

Reply

cocopuff96 | 0

#933292 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 22:30

hah ttly

Reply

MyNameIsTheBest | 0

#1087461 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 5:45

tried flicking and got way harder but now more girls ask me out

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1315085 - Sunday 29 August 2010 6:58

haha I love how his name is 12incher. yeah right :P this reminds me of that one song... boner by straight out of junior high

Reply

smdbeeach | 0

#1354026 - Sunday 5 September 2010 7:24

i never wear basketball shorts for that exzact reason. and if i do wear it and i get a boner you just lift it up to i think its called the waistband so its held between your skin and shorts :)

Reply

Randen_fml | 0

#1502645 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 15:39

self control my friend. insta boner? haha just act like your sleeping an ignore the teacher.

Reply

DeadSorrow | 3

#5025235 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 6:45

You obviously have never been a guy.

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5047563 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:22

People don't decide when they get an erection, it just happens when your aroused.

By suckmybrain | 0

#32721 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:25

Hot! :D

Reply

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#2301316 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:53

I like his username...12incher!

By Yuuhi | 0

#32723 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:26

kinda hot hahahaha.....you teenagers lolz

By TheAntiComment | 0

#32732 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:33

I woulda sported it like a Champ. Then to make it better say:

"Sorry Mr./Mrs. -teachers name-, but I have more important things to do. [walk over to hot chick]. I am sorry but I couldn't help but notice that your very attractive, and my penis could satisfy a whale. What should we do about this?"

Reply

PinkNmetal | 0

#389872 - Sunday 12 July 2009 12:40

Attracted to sluts much? Yuck. You need some class.

Anyway, i'm glad i'm a girl- if I was a boy, i'd have a boner ALL THE TIME. :'D

Reply

moglobalsoccer | 0

#817477 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 3:39

Nancy drew u r hott

Reply

050294 | 0

#873086 - Friday 19 February 2010 20:43

Yes it does

Reply

baby_val | 0

#916321 - Friday 5 March 2010 8:05

hahaha same here

Reply

Jinxy21 | 0

#1029952 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:31

I throughly love your name miss

Reply

Jinxy21 | 0

#1029961 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:41

And by miss I mean 153

Reply

nhormuss | 17

#5818046 - Sunday 5 January 2014 22:33

Lol u horny little bastard ;-)

By Checkitawwt | 0

#32737 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:39

Somebody likes to think they're manly huh, 12incher? ;) But anyways, that's hilarious. Reminds me of this person that does this constantly... Haha.

By HotAsIce99 | 0

#32780 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:20

LOLZ

By ohwowthatsucks25 | 0

#32797 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:34

but that sux haha

By ohwowthatsucks25 | 0

#32798 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:33

can't you be like "DOWN BOY" and control it with your mind?

Reply

justine470 | 0

#1071791 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 20:33

This^

Reply

Nadinek98 | 0

#1728418 - Saturday 20 November 2010 20:13

win!! hahahhahah

Reply

hyatt97 | 0

#4492580 - Monday 28 May 2012 23:06

No just.... No

Reply

ReturnOfTheRat | 6

#4770743 - Saturday 4 August 2012 5:03

8 this comment just... it made me so happy. Thank you:)

Reply

thatoneguy500 | 8

#6589636 - Tuesday 26 April 2016 20:56

Either your a girl who hardly know what a boner is, or your just fucking stupid.

By totalx | 0

#32813 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:42

Put it in your elastic waist band. You wouldn't be the first one to have that happen to them.

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#908925 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:20

exactly what i was going to suggest :)

Reply

liveitup1247 | 0

#1047299 - Monday 28 June 2010 19:33

how do u tuck it in ur waistband?? is tht possible?

Reply

zac12345 | 0

#1139470 - Sunday 25 July 2010 20:16

not unless your over 2 inches

Reply

t52280 | 2

#4680192 - Thursday 12 July 2012 20:55

Your dick is obviously small, or your a girl, if you have never tucked it into your waistband.

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#32820 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:46

Gosh, I'm glad I'm a girl. ;)

Reply

nightELFassasin6 | 0

#985303 - Monday 26 April 2010 22:46

u look more like a man to me

Reply

TheAftermath | 0

#2012234 - Thursday 27 January 2011 10:41

Her picture doesn't even look like a man. Not one bit. Get a eye checkup.

Reply

mcr22dnb | 4

#3464777 - Friday 21 October 2011 6:10

Yeah don't go hating on random people, she's clearly a girl