Miscellaneous: Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking... - FML

By Kevin - United States

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10129

You deserved it

46581

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Crushed

Genius, definitely

By j_Lauren - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37493

You deserved it

3295

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5161

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By DaddysGirl - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33303

You deserved it

2590

Tweet

Share

By cmd102 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40312

You deserved it

3336

Tweet

Share

By PositiveElectron - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22568

You deserved it

1500

Tweet

Share

By mylifeisahell - Norway

Today, I found garbage in my postbox. In amongst the garbage, I found a note saying ''This is all you ever will get. Stay away from me!'', from the girl I sent a love poem to the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28276

You deserved it

7177

Tweet

Share

By bob - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34314

You deserved it

2702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 08:00

There's insane and then there's this guy

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2079

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while going up a ski-lift I accidentally dropped my ticket. The ticket I needed at the top to come back down. I had to hike down the mountain in flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34513

You deserved it

16080

Tweet

Share

By tony1401 - United States

Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32789

You deserved it

2741

Tweet

Share

By drunk under 18 teenager - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27048

You deserved it

50089

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45480

You deserved it

3179

Tweet

Share

By dogshavenipples - United Kingdom

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35501

You deserved it

2683

Tweet

Share

By spacemanspiff78

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30896

You deserved it

4132

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23228

You deserved it

28202

Tweet

Share

By Pups4Cups

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10310

You deserved it

1754

Tweet

Share

By lotrgeek - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38046

You deserved it

6982

Tweet

Share

By American Idiot - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12776

You deserved it

1433

Tweet

Share

By MonsieurH - France - Perros-guirec

Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22563

You deserved it

48095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden - Guayanilla

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25237

You deserved it

4360

Tweet

Share

By Loved

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2494

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25233

You deserved it

6717

Tweet

Share

By duderboi99 - United States

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45179

You deserved it

40061

Tweet

Share

By useyourownbed - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35725

You deserved it

2470

Tweet

Share

By meesmees - United States - Severna Park

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43711

You deserved it

6778

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29605

You deserved it

2121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35362

You deserved it

3829

Tweet

Share

By Anonytard - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57620

You deserved it

15067

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44383

You deserved it

5374

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 19:58

Tetchy

Today, my partner got mad at me for forgetting to turn off the bedroom light when coming back from brushing my teeth, and has chosen to sleep in our spare bedroom over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

739

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By Secret Isis supporter - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24970

You deserved it

1955

Tweet

Share

By CEO - United States - Bristow

Dating is hell

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54501

You deserved it

6466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40563

You deserved it

3645

Tweet

Share

By asuramaru

Knowledge is power

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

537

You deserved it

1169

Tweet

Share

By AnnoyedandAutistic

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2778

You deserved it

517

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44679

You deserved it

3838

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Saint Leonards

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20472

You deserved it

7160

Tweet

Share

By Millian2 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24948

You deserved it

3691

Tweet

Share

By pregz - United States

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33324

You deserved it

2615

Tweet

Share

By 99jellybean - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21134

You deserved it

1416

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#203154 - Saturday 16 May 2009 13:09

You don't get much, do you?

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#614 - Sunday 8 February 2009 5:59

i'd think after a while you'd think "huh this foot feels funny..."

COMMENTS

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#614 - Sunday 8 February 2009 5:59

i'd think after a while you'd think "huh this foot feels funny..."

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#1484 - Thursday 12 February 2009 5:29

LOL loser

By citylights | 0

#4253 - Friday 20 February 2009 4:08

HAHAHAHAHA

Reply

IWATCHYOUSLEEP | 7

#4822093 - Thursday 16 August 2012 18:05

Tht face your making reminds me of Toby :o

By Botron | 0

#9974 - Sunday 1 March 2009 8:18

Jhnjdfn'lkjadhHAHhHhHahhahahahahahAHHAHAH. that's about the funniest thing ive heard in a while.

By milatoboy92 | 0

#22234 - Monday 9 March 2009 0:14

lmfao dude ive done the same thing

By mister_moops | 0

#41114 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 22:58

hahaha wow

you loser

By azzh0le | 0

#121322 - Saturday 18 April 2009 5:17

You obviously aren't very smart...

By redbluegreen | 40

#203154 - Saturday 16 May 2009 13:09

You don't get much, do you?

By retrosaxaphone | 0

#452832 - Monday 3 August 2009 9:28

Oh my the comments are funnier than the FML hahaha. Sux for you bro -- youll find someone... eventually

By kornonthecobb | 0

#579376 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 1:43

wow u got horny by playing footsie lol ur 1 special dude lol