Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking... - FML

By Kevin - United States

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Ghosted

Trans women are women

By unknown - United States

Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband, who has been in a coma for 5 weeks, woke up. When I went to visit him, the first thing he did was try and continue the argument we had been having before he crashed the car. FML

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By zAstonish - 28/11/2019 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Porn, comment

Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML

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By Anonymous

Hygiene 101

Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML

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By Sean Martin - 6/2/2020 05:00

Best uncle

Today, I realized that the last 3 months, I've been taking care of my girlfriends 1 year old kid. The other night, she told me that I was a good uncle to him. FML

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By BrisbaneCoop - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

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By jsquared - United States

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

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By chickennoodlesoup - Canada

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

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By Too fast. - Uruguay - Montevideo

Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put too much pressure on them. I'm taking a class in accounting for the first time in my life, we are all over 25 and so far we are doing basic math. FML

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By really - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

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By Randomm - 12/12/2019 20:00

So cute

Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML

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By AntiBobTheBuilder - United States

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

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By burnedboy - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

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By suckishbf - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend's present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

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By davka

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

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By SadMan - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 17:00

Let it all out

Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML

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By shuahwan - New Zealand

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

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By Audrey Anna Grace Somers

Today, I was trying on a dress at my grandmother's house. When I posed for her, she told me she would expand the waist, because I won't be sucking in the whole time I would be wearing it. The joke's on you Grandma, I've been sucking my stomach in since I was twelve years old. FML

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By Peach - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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By it's awkward - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

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By Girlygal32 - 13/9/2020 08:02 - United States

Contagion

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

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By sore - Ireland

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

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By BadassNinja - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

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By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

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By Hufflepuff girl

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying that last night was awesome. When I said, "What do you mean?" he answered, "Come on Jess, I bet you can't stand straight." My name is Britney, but my friend's name is Jessica. FML

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By UhhhUhhhRRRick - United States

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

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By Dan

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

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By heathenapparently

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

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By moose - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

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By u raised him

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

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By Lorena - United States - Kapolei

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

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By dannij08 - United States

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

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By HarvestMoon_gal - United States

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

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By Ally

shrinks into corner

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

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By jxfc - United States - Tracy

Today, as I was helping a customer, she asked if it was my first day and who was training me. Evidently, I'm bad at my job, because I've worked there for 7 months. FML

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Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#203154 - Saturday 16 May 2009 13:09

You don't get much, do you?

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#614 - Sunday 8 February 2009 5:59

i'd think after a while you'd think "huh this foot feels funny..."

COMMENTS

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#614 - Sunday 8 February 2009 5:59

i'd think after a while you'd think "huh this foot feels funny..."

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#1484 - Thursday 12 February 2009 5:29

LOL loser

By citylights | 0

#4253 - Friday 20 February 2009 4:08

HAHAHAHAHA

Reply

IWATCHYOUSLEEP | 7

#4822093 - Thursday 16 August 2012 18:05

Tht face your making reminds me of Toby :o

By Botron | 0

#9974 - Sunday 1 March 2009 8:18

Jhnjdfn'lkjadhHAHhHhHahhahahahahahAHHAHAH. that's about the funniest thing ive heard in a while.

By milatoboy92 | 0

#22234 - Monday 9 March 2009 0:14

lmfao dude ive done the same thing

By mister_moops | 0

#41114 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 22:58

hahaha wow

you loser

By azzh0le | 0

#121322 - Saturday 18 April 2009 5:17

You obviously aren't very smart...

By redbluegreen | 40

#203154 - Saturday 16 May 2009 13:09

You don't get much, do you?

By retrosaxaphone | 0

#452832 - Monday 3 August 2009 9:28

Oh my the comments are funnier than the FML hahaha. Sux for you bro -- youll find someone... eventually

By kornonthecobb | 0

#579376 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 1:43

wow u got horny by playing footsie lol ur 1 special dude lol