Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing...

By florisvanlent - 12/2/2009 16:17 - Netherlands

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29502

You deserved it

56127

Favorite

Intimacy

Alternative medicine is bull

A beautiful truck decoration

Lockdown is driving us down

By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32410

You deserved it

6098

Favorite

By youngsamoo92 - 7/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11471

You deserved it

2917

Favorite

By Yikes - 27/9/2016 04:34 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16794

You deserved it

1697

Favorite

By bobuhbeartoe - 24/8/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33777

You deserved it

19881

Favorite

By CheesyCasey - 30/5/2013 00:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37752

You deserved it

5904

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40061

You deserved it

3244

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 05:55 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16312

You deserved it

13341

Favorite

By dentedmercedes - 20/4/2013 13:43 - United States - Berkley

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59529

You deserved it

8207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51319

You deserved it

8371

Favorite

By Screamslikeagirl - 27/9/2016 19:17 - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13039

You deserved it

1155

Favorite

By Jigll - 13/10/2008 08:26

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12638

You deserved it

76752

Favorite

By newniece - 27/1/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39848

You deserved it

2476

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33974

You deserved it

11165

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 15:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By Username - 25/9/2010 04:49 - France

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32406

You deserved it

6558

Favorite

By singingintherain - 1/7/2017 20:00

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5804

You deserved it

670

Favorite

By samba_spaz - 19/9/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Groove is in the Heart

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

639

You deserved it

1937

Favorite

By pandaface - 18/2/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27581

You deserved it

5762

Favorite

By thanks, Nemo. - 11/7/2013 23:13 - United States - Hayward

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51473

You deserved it

18683

Favorite

By Charlayyyy - 16/12/2010 02:30

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37533

You deserved it

7251

Favorite

By ps3isbetterthanme - 11/12/2009 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25754

You deserved it

4282

Favorite

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7781

You deserved it

51437

Favorite

By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51657

You deserved it

9837

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 19:53 - United States

Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42099

You deserved it

4038

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 20:17 - United States - Fresno

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9212

You deserved it

26049

Favorite

By Scorned Employee - 2/1/2012 03:38 - United States

Today, it finally became clear to me that before you start dating a co-worker, it's best to figure out who they've already dated from work, just in case one of her exes is your new manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26957

You deserved it

7565

Favorite

By - 13/1/2020 18:00

Science teacher

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2559

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2019 04:04 - United States

Heavy

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1643

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/7/2016 20:33

Sexy time

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16752

You deserved it

1642

Favorite

By rockstarohyeah - 2/7/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

I agree, your life sucks

82803

You deserved it

4827

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/1/2011 11:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7339

You deserved it

44724

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 05:56 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48784

You deserved it

3894

Favorite

By bitch - 27/8/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Tracked

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1071

You deserved it

684

Favorite

By Brightbulb - 16/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I went to work feeling great. I'd just paid off my student loans and was planning a trip to see friends in Italy. I left work unemployed because a fraud case I exposed 3 years ago got the company sued for slander. It was thrown out because everything was fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3675

You deserved it

321

Favorite

By love_letter - 29/8/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33662

You deserved it

3795

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 23:47 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22146

You deserved it

2128

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Holmdel

Miscommunication

Today, I went to a going away party for a coworker. I had brought weed for the party and at one point a guy asked me if I have a Grindr. I replied, "No, I don't use those dating apps. I do have a Fetlife but that's it, if you want it." He apparently meant a weed grinder. Most awkward 3 hours ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

463

You deserved it

923

Favorite

By Teen With No Money - 3/8/2011 15:49 - United States

Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31271

You deserved it

3096

Favorite

By kat - 25/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31421

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By annon - 11/2/2012 06:23 - Canada

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34344

You deserved it

3354

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sniperpie | 0

#1609 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:47

hahaha... wow, I'm sorry, but you did get pretty owned there

By Jali_Malcolm | 0

#38027 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:50

I bet your penis has never gone from erect to non-existent so fast in your LIFE

COMMENTS

By sniperpie | 0

#1609 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:47

hahaha... wow, I'm sorry, but you did get pretty owned there

Jiplo | 18

#4568703 - Friday 15 June 2012 4:02

Anti-boner.

By mleugim | 0

#1611 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:50

jajaja! XD!

By nffd23 | 0

#1621 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:02

gross

By takingxoverxme | 0

#1623 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:07

Lawl.

By president_benson | 0

#1641 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:40

he's totally into you

By greenman_fml | 0

#1651 - Thursday 12 February 2009 20:09

haha now you're gay

dannyboy66 | 7

#1678377 - Wednesday 10 November 2010 18:51

bisexual

Lachiew | 11

#3744442 - Saturday 17 December 2011 7:55

60- say it like Stewey for it to be funnier

By ToastedOats | 0

#1663 - Thursday 12 February 2009 20:56

What a sick fagot! You're queer! Better get used to it because now you know that you're gay. If I were you, I'd drink a gallon of bleach.

InfiniteSecret | 20

#7538560 - Thursday 7 September 2017 18:21

You do realise that there are other sexualities besides gay or straight.
They could be bi

By charpanda007 | 0

#1829 - Friday 13 February 2009 9:18

HAHAHA MOOB!!

By hardcore_fml | 0

#6502 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 18:08

Yeah chicks do this, especially young chicks (he says he's in school). This is funny. Advice: Try to be more discerning with future erections.

By genericnickname | 0

#7950 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:37

Lol, #27. "Icy witch-nip" sounds like some sort of a salted snack.