Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
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Top comments
MateRicks 18
God I hate it when that happens
EverestMelting 23
Get a dog. They lick. Not maul.
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Comments (209)
buckdharma 37
all these FMLs about guy's not knowing how to find things, but the cat mauled it. Well, okay then.
Greenmarsh 31
These comments are just so damn creative and full of new thoughts and ideas.
trbuson 11
It was the perfect oppurrtunity to strike.
Donat96 20
She thought she was catching a fish, most likely. Or maybe she saw a peeping tom and was trying to cover you from exposure.
dontgivafuk 9
tastes like chicken.... smells like fish.... hold yer nose and have a dish...
TheRealPitBoss 17
You should spank that pussy!
sp4ksu_fml 9
That's the greatest thing I have read in a while!
Poetaster 10
Personally, if that happened I would just eat the pussy.
AGuyNamedI 7
Maybe you should trim your pussy's claws?
nultyshakes 3
Remember they have teeth also
nultyshakes 3
I laughed so hard at the end I bit my tongue and spilt koolaid everywhere. I hope both ******* are fine.
Jazer22 10
That's last quote istm too funny Hahahahahahaha OP
jimmywithsalt 19
Even in a heat wave, it's generally a safe idea to keep the panties on to prevent such.. attacks. But maybe you like to live dangerously?