Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
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Top comments
MateRicks 18
God I hate it when that happens
EverestMelting 23
Get a dog. They lick. Not maul.
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Comments (209)
Goblin182 26
Need someone to kiss it and make it better?
gremlin_bros 19
I do feel so sorry your pain but I did need a laff thanks!
miss_sqwert 19
No matter how hot it is its a bit ridiculousness to sit around completely naked
whoracle_fml 12
Oh it is.... Well this is embarrassing
ShoyuSauceSoup 26
If she is alone or used to be naked at home, it is not embarassing.
phatdaddy62 23
I'm naked right now. Hmmm. Maybe I should leave the mall and go home . . .
lalaney 14
I'm sorry, but anytime an FML reads "I have a cat..." I have to say YDI. Cats are jerks. If you don't like it, why did you get one?
trbuson 11
OP never said they hated their cat. Why are you feline so hateful to the pussy-loving community?
lalaney 14
They may not hate their cat, but they're complaining about it being a jerk. Don't have a cat if you don't want an animal that's a jerk.
trbuson 11
OP is not complaining about the cat being a jerk. Cats land with claws out to avoid falling and the startled owner made the landing a catastrophe.
lochiamochia 25
Lalaney is a mouse. He has good reason to hate on cats.
buckdharma 37
Due to a heatwave, and lack of AC you were naked with your cat? Damn op, if I didn't know any better I'd say you're a purrr-vert.
reveal 10
pics or it didn't happen
etishuman22 32
Let me just say, that although I agree that when it's miserably hot inside a home it's awful to be clothed, I'm one of those people who feel weird naked in front of their pets. I can't explain it. Maybe this strange condition would have prevented OP's cat from accidentally attacking her lady parts.
etishuman22 32
I meant if OP had the same problem I do then she wouldn't have been mauled in her private parts! I have finally realized the afternoon is my peak point of the day to comment...the mornings and evenings I might as well just scroll through and read the comments. Goodness, etishuman22...get your head in the game.
blubberfish 10
Sounds like your cat didn't like having to compete with another pussy.
Longshott 4
It's Pussception!
The_Piquerist 7
brings scissoring to a whole new level
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
I really hate the misconception that lesbian sex = scissoring. Most people don't realize that lesbians rarely use the "scissor" position and that the technical name for genital on genital contact between two women (whether in scissor position or some other position) is called tribadism. I know this is in no way relevant to the FML but I figured might as well take the chance to dispel some myths/misinformation.
dontgivafuk 9
why are lesbians... especially the butch ones... always angry about something? has anyone else noticed that?
AngrySailor 17
113- everyone knows its called "bumpin' donuts"