Overfamiliar

Happy family

Today, I happily introduced my stepfather to my friends as my dad. He told me, "Don't ever fucking call me that." FML

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

New hire

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "Mom" while at work. FML

Or so you thought…

Today, my mom called me by the wrong name. This isn't the first time. It wouldn't be so bad, except I'm her only kid. FML

Influencer brain

Today, my stepdaughter called me "Dad" for the first time. It was quite an emotional moment, until I realised she was just recording my reaction for a stupid TikTok, and didn’t really mean it. She’s pulled some pranks before, but this time I’m done with her, she can fuck right off from now on. FML

Patronising

Today, my dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "Mom." I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me "something nice." FML

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

The Leftovers

Today, my mom asked me why I barely talk to her anymore. Well, mom, maybe it's because you nicknamed my stepdaughter "Leftovers," and call her that in public, like at family gatherings or school events. FML

This isn't relevant to my interests

Today, I wanted to call my mom to ask for advice but called my boss instead. I panicked and ended up talking about weekend plans like nothing was wrong. She now knows way too much about my personal life. FML