Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML
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By
EndOfSekrets
| 13
Talk shit, get laid.
By
Big_Pickle
| 18
You win some, you lose some.
COMMENTS
By
Big_Pickle
| 18
You win some, you lose some.
Reply
J215B
| 33
Was there really any competition? I mean that guy has a great digestive system!!!
Reply
DraconicFeline
| 31
And...what did OP win, exactly?
Reply
oddities
| 20
Not screwing a girl who finds "really healthy shits" attractive. Or maybe OP is into that kind of stuff.
Reply
incoherentrmblr
| 21
Perhaps said girl is a nutritionist.
Reply
Vlen_fml
| 20
my thoughts exactly, dating people in the medical field is bound to bring out weird quirks and fetishes.
Reply
thefastnfuryass
| 14
She's a maker of probiotics, 'nuff said.
Reply
PIGaming
| 21
#51, are you saying that if someone works in a morgue they are likely to have a necrophilia fetish?
Reply
Credibleskills
| 28
#36 plot twist
By
ZombieRaptor
| 5
That's one of the weirder things I've seen today.
Reply
wastedpenguin
| 14
thanks to the internet though not the wierdest
Reply
kmaeh
| 8
"I think it's time for the next step in our relationship. . want you to poop on me"
o.O
o.O
By
EndOfSekrets
| 13
Talk shit, get laid.
Reply
GnomeInSpace
| 11
True
Reply
whiteboy896
| 9
I think you're a very rude person and you probably have no friends too!!!
My turn?
My turn?
Reply
TiiBags
| 15
No wonder I don't have a girlfriend...
Reply
EndOfSekrets
| 13
It was a play on words. A joke. Relax.
Reply
thefastnfuryass
| 14
"Hey ladies.. I had TWO bowel movements yesterday. Pretty sexy, right? I know."
Reply
lbguitarist
| 7
this is generating so much false hope it's hilarious
Reply
icandothecancan
| 24
This not where I wanted this comment to be.
Reply
597mph
| 10
This made my day.
By
SammyS2012
| 21
wait... what is this FML about...? i honestly dont understand it.
Reply
jazzy_123
| 20
Yeah that first sentence is really throwing me off
Reply
zBLAKEz
| 23
It confused me too. I think he meant to say "that he has" instead of "that has."
Reply
SammyS2012
| 21
I guess so too because it was changed. O.o why would he add the last part though? is it really relevant? lol
Reply
Sirin_fml
| 46
Guy makes a creepy remark to the girl. OP wants to make fun of him for blowing his chance at sleeping with her by being so weird, but the girl sleeps with him anyway. "Even he can get a girl, but I can't." What's not to get?
Reply
zBLAKEz
| 23
The first sentence had poor grammar before it was corrected, so it was hard to understand.
Reply
Sirin_fml
| 46
It was only missing one word. Be fair: it's hard for the OP to type properly one-handed.
Reply
BoltTheSuperdog
| 22
#32 I really wish I could like your comment right now.
Reply
SammyS2012
| 21
oh! i kept reading it as "laid off", so i kept thinking she fired him. i see my mistake now
Reply
savannaaahh
| 10
that's what I got from it.. hahaha
By
WizzleMan17
| 11
His shit don't stank
Reply
thefastnfuryass
| 14
He must be using poo pourii.
By
ced443_fml
| 9
"I have healthy bowels"
"Omg I love healthy bowels. My place ;)"
Kinda like that?
"Omg I love healthy bowels. My place ;)"
Kinda like that?
Reply
kurodansei
| 16
I'm not sure why but I laughed a little too hard at that potential exchange.
Reply
phatdaddy62
| 23
You forgot "bow chicka wow wow!"
By
golferman72
| 16
Well that's depressing...
By
BoltTheSuperdog
| 22
Your digestive system (and its waste products) would be such a weird thing to talk about to a girlfriend. Definitely not my first topic of choice.
Reply
Ki11erC
| 18
Wasn't even a girlfriend so even weirder as an opener, unless she's into the whole 2girls1cup thing....
By
pratikp03
| 22
Not your day, try again tomorrow.
By
Senseless_487
| 29
Huh, I guess I've been doing it all wrong.