Intimacy and School: Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that...

By Should have stayed in the closet - 07/06/2018 06:00

Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that he "needed me inside him" before I left. Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex. Only later did I learn about the floor-wide bet about me being gay. I still don’t know if my roommate fucked me for fun or for 5 cases of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 329

You deserved it 1 071

Intimacy School

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Stop talking!

Dream baby dream

By UHLSucksSTL - 06/10/2016 15:50 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 233

You deserved it 743

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 78 744

By itssomething - 01/03/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 503

You deserved it 2 612

By bewitched and bothered - 02/02/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 423

You deserved it 2 596

By Lovers lost... - 24/03/2018 19:00

Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 931

You deserved it 4 753

By JuggaloSlasher15 - 08/08/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 672

You deserved it 6 779

By brycepetrillo - 07/09/2013 16:08 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 107

You deserved it 3 966

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 931

You deserved it 8 695

By Lily - 02/09/2015 10:09 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 852

You deserved it 1 527

Awkward pause

By MothmanKirbaby - 10/04/2021 14:00

Today, a close friend called me to inform me of his newest relationship, and why he's kept it from me - he's been seeing his male cousin for several months and was tired of hiding it from the world. I had to keep my shock in check over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 123

By SenescentSouthernBoy - 17/08/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 463

You deserved it 60 673

A boy can dream

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 00:30

Today, I told my family about my dreams to get a modern car and house with my girlfriend, since I'm tired of fixing my '90s car and paying for my dad's rent and doing all his housework. They then told me I'm selfish for trying to leave them and that I don't care about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 19:19 - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 369

You deserved it 3 523

By jwz - 16/02/2009 15:25 - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 401

You deserved it 79 999

By Cookie_monster - 08/03/2017 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 2 098

By tgpgs - 19/01/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 080

You deserved it 3 961

Social media was a mistake

By Gorgonzola - 13/11/2021 07:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me because I refuse to open an account on Facebook, Instagram or whatever. Four years ago, I had to retire from social media for good because another ex-girlfriend was harassing me frequently. No, I didn't have any children with that ex, if that's what you think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 81

By jajaja - 01/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 713

You deserved it 4 656

By Jessica - 23/03/2013 19:00 - United States - Brighton

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said, "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 714

You deserved it 41 162

By puppielover - 21/08/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 894

You deserved it 3 707

By Can I press charges? - 15/01/2015 17:23 - Australia - Hamilton

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 519

You deserved it 4 643

Accidentally?

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 14:00

Today, my brother sprayed the entire kitchen, including all the dishes, with industrial strength spray adhesive, thinking it was disinfectant. I'm the one who got to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 55

By Unteachable - 08/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 209

You deserved it 780

By 1gullible_bugger - 08/07/2019 20:00

Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 114

By guttedgirl - 04/06/2011 11:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend's band has become quite popular on YouTube. My friends and sister won't stop singing their songs. Most of them were written after I dumped him, and go on to say how much better off he is without me and how horrible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 315

You deserved it 23 507

By snarly1 - 06/12/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 771

You deserved it 2 091

By presente13 - 17/05/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 808

You deserved it 3 826

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 21:45 - United States - Plainsboro

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 825

You deserved it 5 934

Say my name, say my name

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, after being unemployed for over four months, I got a call from a company I've wanted to work for for over 2 years. After they were about to set up an interview, they called me by a different name. After correcting them, they hung up on me. Turns out they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 157

Off to a good start!

By lovergirl - 27/07/2017 12:00 - United States - Orem

Today, I received an email from a potential employer with an awesome job opportunity. I was so excited, I immediately went to forward the email to my husband. My email included a lot of "I love you" and "we are going to celebrate tonight ;)". In my excitement, I hit reply instead of forward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 936

You deserved it 1 922

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 5 379

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 316

You deserved it 5 037

It's the new thing!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 06:02

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 981

By dog_day - 19/12/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 326

You deserved it 2 687

By solitaire - 20/07/2013 08:14 - United States - Enumclaw

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 108

You deserved it 8 205

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 10:06 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 475

You deserved it 8 269

By unlucky - 06/02/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 663

You deserved it 25 693

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 31 369

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 488

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 440

You deserved it 5 195

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 May 2018 1:23

Here's what you do: Tell him you deserve half the beer, then as you walk out, let everyone on your floor overhear you mocking his tiny, tiny, tiny penis. Walk out with your head held high, and find someone worthwhile to share your beer with.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 7:04

Doesn't matter, had sex.

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 May 2018 1:23

interesting33 36

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 May 2018 18:04

Confront him over it. I'm so sorry that happened OP. It is very likely that despite the bet, he found you very attractive but it is horrible to feel uses. It is disgraceful. I suggest confronting him if you feel able and hearing what he has to say about it.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 7:04

Doesn't matter, had sex.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 7:04

Why can’t it be both? Try not to be so butt hurt!

manb91uk 22

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 8:02

Doesn't matter. You had sex *high five*

BrotherPhil 33

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 8:12

Doesn't matter: had sex.

thatslifeiguess7 16

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 8:54

He's in the closet. Keep an eye on him if he gets married to a woman sneak in hide then yell "he's gay" just before they say I do. The first time story can then be told. Walk out like a boss. Bring a bull horn in case they throw ya out

Suaria 37

Tuesday 12 June 2018 2:03

Not every man who has sex with another man is gay. There is this thing called bisexuality.

Lobby_Bee 17

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 9:26

Shouldn't alcohol come before the sex?

user53658 15

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 10:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

manb91uk 22

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 10:53

Not a very sex positive response

Demon_of_Light 27

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 11:41

Was there supposed to be some sort of mourning period for his heterosexuality?

user53658 15

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 12:37

It just strikes me as odd to promptly decide to have sex with your roommate with which you don't have a romantic relationship, just because you can now.

Kaili McCoy 6

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 12:44

Now can? They always had the ability to have sex, they didn’t need to come out of the closet to do that.

user53658 15

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 13:04

Well, OP says himself; ' Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex'.

julfunky 29

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 15:42

When you’ve suppressed a lifetime’s worth of sexuality you’d want to bone as soon as possible too. He’s not more promiscuous, he just never had the chance to satiate his desires.

DragonMaiden7 15

Send a private message

Thursday 7 June 2018 20:52

Um, it’s college numbnut. People have sex. Even straight people. Stop being a bigoted asshole, I know more people who have random sex that are straight then gay people. It was also his roommate, so it’s not like it was some random dude.