Miscellaneous: Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class....

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 409

You deserved it 7 936

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Batman

Dysfunctional

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 912

You deserved it 13 014

By Toothless - 07/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 6 376

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 369

You deserved it 4 197

By yourmom - 16/06/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 397

You deserved it 4 732

By SophieGray - 20/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 814

You deserved it 5 047

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 20:42 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 947

You deserved it 888

By justmyluck - 12/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 418

You deserved it 4 859

By let it go! - 01/12/2018 13:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my ex from high school is married and has kids but still found time to make yet another fake profile to berate me for cheating on him when we were 17. I've already blocked him, moved states, and changed my number twice. We're in our 30s. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3 404

You deserved it 1 477

By Ew?Really? - 04/08/2014 05:42 - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 4 970

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 276

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 001

You deserved it 25 553

By fuckmyliiiiiiife - 01/05/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 371

You deserved it 25 912

By danrocketman - 05/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 899

You deserved it 4 609

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 17:02 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 082

You deserved it 1 712

By Hahaha - 29/01/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 680

You deserved it 40 144

By sochunky - 05/01/2016 22:23 - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 972

You deserved it 3 372

By superb12345 - 12/05/2016 02:50 - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 342

You deserved it 911

By bitter cherry - 29/09/2010 21:29 - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 062

You deserved it 3 721

By NoTeddies - 21/09/2016 22:48 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 928

You deserved it 1 279

By YeahWhatOkay - 09/02/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 332

You deserved it 4 808

Give Me Novacaine

By implantme - 11/05/2017 14:00

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 005

You deserved it 231

Am I the asshole?

By Yanil - 20/06/2021 16:02

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 2 188

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 500

You deserved it 10 712

By grannygirlfriend - 06/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 5 066

By Ace - 21/05/2014 21:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 143

You deserved it 8 925

By annoyedguy - 30/06/2009 11:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 403

You deserved it 96 170

By A - 23/05/2015 03:25 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 2 545

By jeremyr5678 - 18/07/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 4 525

By RainbowSuck - 07/02/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 124

You deserved it 685

By mishyb - 28/07/2013 04:28 - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 404

You deserved it 4 325

By the_pheasant66 - 26/06/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 050

You deserved it 10 997

By Anonymous - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 134

By imatotalloser - 28/07/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 325

By SphereMaiden - 22/02/2018 01:30

Today, after ignoring me for about a week, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Why? He discovered that I use prescription deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 674

You deserved it 370

By MouseChaser - 26/11/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 945

You deserved it 28 242

By Bathroom Problems - 02/01/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 668

You deserved it 3 920

By tannerpaul - 25/03/2011 01:30

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriend's emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 4 517

By fuckmee - 01/08/2017 05:00

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 20 498

By lonelyandbored - 31/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 232

You deserved it 11 156

By Forgotten Birthday Girl - 11/07/2018 20:30

Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 892

You deserved it 266

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

FacePalm69 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 April 2011 22:30

69 hahahahah

ohhboyy 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P

TouchDown_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

ouch, Did she say it in a bitchy tone or not? She may have just been kidding... 1st

heyyyjune 11

Send a private message

Sunday 12 August 2012 13:40

I don't think it was meant to sound bitchy. Maybe she falls asleep when stories are told to her. Just a thought

ohhboyy 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P

heatrider986 1

Send a private message

Monday 17 May 2010 13:48

lol

FacePalm69 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 April 2011 22:30

69 hahahahah

bellababe69 0

Send a private message

Friday 2 December 2011 5:42

I agree!! :)

kissothis 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

seems like she's a bitch and you need to just get rid of her... you could do better than that.

hiyaa 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:09

good sense of humor, keep her!!!

stonerchu 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:14

Put her to sleep then have your way with her

Frlf 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:15

Maybe she was grumpy because of no sleep :/

gesseniasxangel 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:15

lol #6 :D

TouchDown_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:16

#2 I know ur jealous I beat you =-P...9th HAHA at #6

zargon 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:17

I don't see the problem here, really, unless she said it in a mean way. I've been told the same thing before, but what she meant was that listening to me talk made her feel safe and comfortable and relaxed her so she could rest more easily, and by telling her about my day I could just talk without her having to worry about responding. This is actually a really good thing; relish in it.