Health: Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby... - FML

25/01/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 081

You deserved it 24 401

Empathy lives

Sorry…

Walk the line

10/08/2012 11:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while housesitting my neighbor's dogs the phone rang. I answered it and a voice said, "Stop checking your Facebook and take care of my dogs. They look like they need to go out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 278

You deserved it 32 965

01/12/2016 08:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 774

You deserved it 747

03/10/2014 07:00 - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 2 714

23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 748

You deserved it 3 170

Dealbreaker

By banarama - 05/02/2021 07:54

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 168

14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 171

You deserved it 5 588

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 20/03/2020 00:01

Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 222

05/02/2016 16:36 - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 319

You deserved it 2 713

27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 951

You deserved it 6 226

14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 776

You deserved it 7 008

The Candidate

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 158

08/02/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 016

You deserved it 5 865

31/10/2013 02:59 - United States - Greensboro

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 369

You deserved it 5 863

Mission: Do it all over

By SonjaPea - 27/08/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I spent 5 hours working on emails for work in a desperate attempt to get back on top of my task list. Having written about 45 emails waiting in my outbox to go out first thing Monday morning, Outlook has "stopped responding". I might've just lost them all and worked through the day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 128

05/01/2012 11:43 - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 329

You deserved it 2 453

Should be interesting at the office tomorrow…

By confused_lemon - 04/06/2019 00:00

Today, I got thrown out by a guy I really like, with the words "Can you leave me the fuck alone, please?" I took my stuff and left as quickly as I could, just to fall down the stairs on his doorway and twist my ankle really bad. He's someone from work as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 604

01/12/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I was the only employee at a video store where I work when it got robbed. After crying, shaking and spending two hours and dealing with the police, my boss called and told me it was good experience and I would know what to do next time, then made me finish my shift, the night shift, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 611

You deserved it 3 274

16/12/2012 00:03 - Germany - Mannheim

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 211

You deserved it 8 136

31/03/2016 17:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 024

You deserved it 1 310

21/06/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 461

You deserved it 8 258

17/06/2017 14:00

Today, a customer passed out in the bathroom, so we didn't realize he was there until after closing. I don't know what he'd shot up, but whatever it was told him he should run around naked. It's been two hours and the cops still haven't shown up. I can't leave until he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 737

You deserved it 236

03/01/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 989

You deserved it 6 681

06/03/2017 15:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 816

You deserved it 427

Anyone there?

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 11:01

Today, I'm still waiting for my current job, which gaslit me in various ways for a year, to acknowledge my month's notice. My new job starts in 3 weeks. I'm genuinely not sure if my (ex) managers and HR are all on furlough, or if they're just fucking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 63

02/07/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 428

You deserved it 3 859

26/01/2016 09:18 - United States - Lancaster

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 612

You deserved it 2 111

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 08:08

Today, a salesman came to the door and I assumed the guy was peddling solar stuff. Before the poor guy had a chance to say anything, I blurted out, "We don't need any, we only spend $80 on electricity in the summer." He pointed to his shirt and replied, "I'm an exterminator." I then tried to awkwardly apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 1 573

28/06/2019 07:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I thought our CEO had clearly stated that I will only be focusing on my job, and all other stuff will not be my problem. Apparently, I was wrong, because I still get blamed for all the other departments' mistakes, even though I don't manage them. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 125

09/04/2014 22:38 - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 598

You deserved it 22 643

01/02/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 052

You deserved it 5 311

26/10/2017 01:30

Today, a good friend refuses to speak to me because she found out that I slept with her husband. It happened twelve years before they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 507

You deserved it 710

22/01/2013 07:20 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 091

You deserved it 7 021

01/10/2013 12:32 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 067

You deserved it 3 992

10/06/2012 00:24 - United States

Today, is the third day since I opened my small coffee shop. My parents had given me a nice frame to put my first dollar from working in. I had to sneak in a dollar from my own wallet so they wouldn't know how bad business was when they came to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 147

You deserved it 2 811

28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 489

26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 214

You deserved it 20 092

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 416

08/09/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 932

You deserved it 4 872

22/02/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 855

You deserved it 3 346

04/11/2014 22:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 2 699

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nadsm 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:18

i do this all the time. haha. well.. maybe not actually kick them... but definitely pull it away and kind of kick the air. so embarrassing.

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:37

Today some dumb fuck kicked me in the face for doing my job FML

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nadsm 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:18

i do this all the time. haha. well.. maybe not actually kick them... but definitely pull it away and kind of kick the air. so embarrassing.

BlueJeans2626 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:44

that's so funny!

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Monday 25 January 2010 14:04

seen this one before

nadsm 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 14:04

yeah, it's actually quite hilarious.. but i look like a chicken, ya know doing the chicken dance with my legs? i'd sort of love to have it on tape. it's a good laugh.

PottentialFML 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:20

Looks like she got "nailed".

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 20:45

lmao i would have dont the same

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Saturday 2 April 2011 21:24

Toenails? If fingernails, that's some leg you have.

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:23

lmao

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 2:02

hahah ik i do it ALL THE TIME

nadsm 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 12:26

uhm let's see, maybe because being ticklish isn't something you can control? it's not "fucked up" to sympathize with somebody.

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:26

haha sounds like something right out of a movie.

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Monday 25 January 2010 23:31

it happened on Desperate Housewives LOL

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Monday 25 January 2010 23:33

it happened on Desperate Housewives LOL

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:26

I hope you gave her a big tip after that

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:20

agreed

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:27

At least you didn't pee yourself too like the last person that posted a fml like this.

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:54

Lol. I don't understand how this is a FML or YDI. She deserves kicking someone on the face for getting a pedicure?

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:43

I think that the fml was how embarassing it was for her.

joal 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:01

Today at work I was giving a customer a pedicure. Turns out her feet are ticklish. She kicked me in the face. FML.

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Saturday 3 April 2010 2:34

now that I would find a lot more amusing.

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:01

i know what you mean OP but you could of told the person you ticklish by foot and they would of made it easier or use another method lol. ...<.< shhh but OP this could be your chance >.> tell them its a warning that if they dont do their job right next time it more then kicking you'll do and >:) .

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:19

I guess asking her to stop for a moment was out of the question. Very out of place, as opposed to a kick in the face =P If it makes you feel better OP, just imagine the lady has been a bit of a bitch and you were nothing but an instrument of karma.

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:25

Isn't this her FML?

Idontcare123456 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 14:56

Yes..Thats exactly what i was thinking..Your not the one who got kicked in the face.

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Monday 25 January 2010 13:32

she must love you, number one customer XD

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 43

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 111