By almyric Headshot! Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1348 You deserved it 255 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By howdoesthatmakesense - United States - San Francisco Today, we were doing research on contraceptives in class. Afterwards, the girl next to me starts explaining how "cringey" and "grossed out" she gets when she sees/hears "the words for the private parts." She then tells me all about her getting her period that morning in explicit detail. FML I agree, your life sucks 13322 You deserved it 1075 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Switzerland Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML I agree, your life sucks 34972 You deserved it 4205 295 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sore - Australia Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML I agree, your life sucks 43158 You deserved it 6656 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Pittsford Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML I agree, your life sucks 2073 You deserved it 471 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By foreveralone - 10/7/2020 17:04 Waiting for that special someone Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML I agree, your life sucks 1542 You deserved it 192 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML I agree, your life sucks 23406 You deserved it 1555 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bleh - Canada - Brantford Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML I agree, your life sucks 2019 You deserved it 230 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - Luxembourg Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML I agree, your life sucks 28882 You deserved it 2859 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fucked - United States - San Francisco Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML I agree, your life sucks 41289 You deserved it 6171 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanks sis - 3/7/2020 05:02 Role model Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1418 You deserved it 331 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lesley - United Kingdom Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML I agree, your life sucks 42904 You deserved it 6055 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MiserableGradStudent Triple Dog Dare Today, I was teaching my microbiology lab class as a graduate TA. Some dumbass frat boy dared his friend to drink a tube of E. coli and the idiot did it. Now everything in the lab is contaminated with vomit. FML I agree, your life sucks 5620 You deserved it 332 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 20:02 Live from Salt Lake City Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML I agree, your life sucks 1436 You deserved it 2493 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nikki My package Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML I agree, your life sucks 2359 You deserved it 672 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By failfailfail - United Kingdom Leave me alone ! Today, I had a big exam. Twenty minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled, "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML I agree, your life sucks 10992 You deserved it 51419 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WronglySad619 - United States Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML I agree, your life sucks 18895 You deserved it 28487 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By homealone - Canada Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML I agree, your life sucks 28689 You deserved it 3795 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brentwood Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML I agree, your life sucks 23904 You deserved it 3632 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Overlord247 - South Africa - Cape Town Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 1366 You deserved it 434 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stupidoldcar - United States Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML I agree, your life sucks 34141 You deserved it 4378 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - United States - Arlington Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 14579 You deserved it 1006 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 51902 You deserved it 4857 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Bensenville Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML I agree, your life sucks 44039 You deserved it 3435 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Carly4244 Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML I agree, your life sucks 6220 You deserved it 509 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By manda8484 - United States Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML I agree, your life sucks 10681 You deserved it 790 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DogStew Pumped-up Tanks Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML I agree, your life sucks 596 You deserved it 1771 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML I agree, your life sucks 24044 You deserved it 37398 359 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bumpyroad - Australia Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML I agree, your life sucks 55335 You deserved it 7613 826 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ew - United States Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML I agree, your life sucks 50992 You deserved it 9162 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By confusedmofo - Indonesia Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML I agree, your life sucks 55675 You deserved it 8115 170 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Glasgow I don't know why Today I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got bug bit on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 1511 You deserved it 476 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By link - United States - Edmond Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML I agree, your life sucks 2545 You deserved it 4327 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peaaaak - United Kingdom Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML I agree, your life sucks 49057 You deserved it 5026 216 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Early show Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML I agree, your life sucks 2405 You deserved it 480 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By just physical - Canada - Sarnia Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML I agree, your life sucks 31285 You deserved it 10332 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouch Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML I agree, your life sucks 1666 You deserved it 313 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BoredRunner42 - United States Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML I agree, your life sucks 72501 You deserved it 6555 338 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mrosewrosem Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 3618 You deserved it 314 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Soon2beexhr Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML I agree, your life sucks 4399 You deserved it 201 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sam Stuhlinger - United States - Denver Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML I agree, your life sucks 2399 You deserved it 800 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like... I agree, your life sucks 279 You deserved it 57 7 Comments
Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling... I agree, your life sucks 394 You deserved it 45 2 Comments
