By almyric Headshot! Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1332 You deserved it 237 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML I agree, your life sucks 59075 You deserved it 8487 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - South Africa Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML I agree, your life sucks 25015 You deserved it 2512 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - Hungary - Budapest Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 23442 You deserved it 1294 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tariel Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML I agree, your life sucks 4032 You deserved it 386 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unloved - United States Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML I agree, your life sucks 42249 You deserved it 6793 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rawr - Switzerland Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 33541 You deserved it 2873 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wolfwhowanders - United States - Grand Junction Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML I agree, your life sucks 9338 You deserved it 1605 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheoBuckner - United States Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML I agree, your life sucks 29833 You deserved it 2276 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML I agree, your life sucks 36375 You deserved it 3351 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By j Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 32483 You deserved it 4525 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jen - Canada Today, I was watching 'Caillou'. It was a Christmas special for pre-schoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML I agree, your life sucks 26782 You deserved it 6441 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Seems fair Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML I agree, your life sucks 3462 You deserved it 282 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Salvation711 - United States Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 9864 You deserved it 33669 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LMN - United States Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML I agree, your life sucks 43865 You deserved it 2930 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By preggo eggo MAKE UP YOUR MIND Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 4020 You deserved it 498 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sam - United States Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 9403 You deserved it 52039 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jolene11 - United States Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML I agree, your life sucks 37610 You deserved it 3841 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotSarahConnor - United States - Staten Island Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML I agree, your life sucks 4819 You deserved it 368 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CrackHouseBaby - United Kingdom - Manchester This Is Us Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML I agree, your life sucks 1510 You deserved it 136 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML I agree, your life sucks 29451 You deserved it 5343 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IronMonkey - United States Useless tools Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML I agree, your life sucks 46584 You deserved it 7003 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Nepal Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML I agree, your life sucks 12527 You deserved it 33556 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AirOne - United States Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML I agree, your life sucks 50517 You deserved it 10759 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML I agree, your life sucks 23967 You deserved it 4626 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmldr - United States Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML I agree, your life sucks 42692 You deserved it 2763 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Fight! Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML I agree, your life sucks 2009 You deserved it 153 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fnfantastic - United States - Warsaw Today, I woke up with a vague memory of buying something last night while drunk. According to my credit card summary I made a $270 purchase from a home shopping channel. I guess in 5-7 days I'll find out what it was. FML I agree, your life sucks 11321 You deserved it 30125 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML I agree, your life sucks 23136 You deserved it 2100 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noah Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML I agree, your life sucks 9396 You deserved it 811 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 34146 You deserved it 5121 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I finally got the courage to tell the guy I liked how I felt by making him a mixed CD. Confident, I gave it to him. After class, I went to the trash can to throw some paper away. I saw my mixed CD in the trash. FML I agree, your life sucks 36114 You deserved it 8156 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By :-( - Australia - Rozelle Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 53937 You deserved it 3619 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jaivolétonnez - France - La Courneuve Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML I agree, your life sucks 30375 You deserved it 6984 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jane - Australia Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML I agree, your life sucks 40677 You deserved it 6181 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck - 22/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie Late reaction Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML I agree, your life sucks 2186 You deserved it 624 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cantcloselegs - United States Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML I agree, your life sucks 49748 You deserved it 6125 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Hebron Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 47780 You deserved it 16268 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bob the builders pissed off daughter - United States - Campbell Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML I agree, your life sucks 21868 You deserved it 1381 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vikingunicorn - Canada Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML I agree, your life sucks 39777 You deserved it 7502 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tooearly - United States Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML I agree, your life sucks 39906 You deserved it 3355 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and... I agree, your life sucks 266 You deserved it 20 6 Comments
Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend.... I agree, your life sucks 588 You deserved it 182 7 Comments
