By almyric - 2/10/2019 12:02 Headshot! Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1315 You deserved it 229 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brinty - 13/3/2010 05:18 - Australia Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 28080 You deserved it 3357 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML I agree, your life sucks 60592 You deserved it 8829 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 1/1/2009 17:54 - France Today, me and my sister hear a buzzing noise in our parent's bedroom. We go to investigate. It's coming from a drawer. We open it up. Battery operated dildo. FML I agree, your life sucks 38348 You deserved it 5537 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By supergirl7 - 27/7/2011 22:21 - United States Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML I agree, your life sucks 27314 You deserved it 8639 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By William - 25/11/2008 04:27 - France Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 15570 You deserved it 36061 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 14:00 Cats gonna cat Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1357 You deserved it 333 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jessica238 - 8/4/2009 05:38 - Canada Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML I agree, your life sucks 21923 You deserved it 47210 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - 4/10/2010 05:48 - France Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML I agree, your life sucks 35230 You deserved it 5262 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Raspution - 16/6/2019 04:42 Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML I agree, your life sucks 2269 You deserved it 140 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ColdMN - 3/2/2011 17:02 - United States Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML I agree, your life sucks 24174 You deserved it 11067 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML I agree, your life sucks 29211 You deserved it 3781 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alealovespurple - 16/8/2009 20:04 - Canada Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 53709 You deserved it 17171 401 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/11/2015 13:34 Today, I was reading comments on an FML, and saw some made from my girlfriend's account. Now I know she's one of those people who say "Dump him!" even when the situation clearly doesn't warrant dumping. Looks like I might be in for a sudden breakup in the future. FML I agree, your life sucks 24490 You deserved it 2635 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wormsmeat - 17/9/2015 21:08 - Canada - Kingston Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 27883 You deserved it 1744 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By icantdrive - 19/3/2009 04:22 - Canada Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML I agree, your life sucks 18240 You deserved it 73163 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Whoopsie - 25/7/2018 05:00 Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML I agree, your life sucks 4219 You deserved it 547 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/6/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML I agree, your life sucks 13312 You deserved it 1669 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohemgee - 11/3/2010 03:03 - United States Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 22581 You deserved it 4845 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pissed - 4/5/2009 04:25 - United States Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML I agree, your life sucks 63018 You deserved it 4909 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By andy - 1/1/2010 14:12 - United States Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 36446 You deserved it 4737 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sad - 7/9/2011 05:05 - Canada Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML I agree, your life sucks 10020 You deserved it 45792 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kat - 24/12/2015 21:51 - Australia Today, I made a typo in a line of code, bringing the company website down. Our admin was already pissed about having to work over Christmas, and he started yelling at me and ended up punching my supervisor when he got between us. Pretty sure my screw up indirectly got the poor guy fired. FML I agree, your life sucks 22225 You deserved it 3252 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 08:19 - United States Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML I agree, your life sucks 37187 You deserved it 5554 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mick - 6/6/2011 14:18 Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML I agree, your life sucks 39936 You deserved it 4054 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 14/1/2012 11:42 - Australia Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML I agree, your life sucks 29542 You deserved it 3613 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/11/2009 17:28 - United States Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML I agree, your life sucks 35718 You deserved it 4177 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Le Dookie - 19/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Sugar Land Today, I got denied a refund for my dream coffee machine. I've overdrafted my bank account to buy it on Offer Up for an excellent price, but USPS delivered the package to a wrong address. Someone got it for free. Offer Up won't refund me because it says "delivered" on the tracking page. FML I agree, your life sucks 3137 You deserved it 715 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck - 18/4/2015 14:38 - United States - Saint Thomas Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML I agree, your life sucks 25399 You deserved it 34412 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Coolios - 24/6/2013 14:16 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML I agree, your life sucks 63714 You deserved it 3883 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 2/4/2016 04:11 - United States - Westminster Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML I agree, your life sucks 20853 You deserved it 1673 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bobby - 14/3/2010 03:17 - Australia Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML I agree, your life sucks 34541 You deserved it 3475 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mook - 15/7/2009 19:33 - United States Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML I agree, your life sucks 58707 You deserved it 5479 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoStarbucks4Me - 21/2/2017 02:00 - Germany - M?hldorf Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML I agree, your life sucks 6340 You deserved it 1237 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadlife - 9/7/2009 18:50 - Canada Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 21249 You deserved it 66311 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada - Prince George Naughty girl Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 1822 You deserved it 441 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mudy247 - 27/4/2017 20:00 Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 3346 You deserved it 831 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nickname - 28/7/2011 02:02 - United States Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML I agree, your life sucks 42794 You deserved it 6191 300 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Madagascar - 19/12/2009 10:18 - Australia Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML I agree, your life sucks 30772 You deserved it 4857 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 02:30 Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML I agree, your life sucks 2326 You deserved it 115 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Conner Johnson - 28/11/2017 05:00 The Customer Is Clueless Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML I agree, your life sucks 3078 You deserved it 272 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's... I agree, your life sucks 576 You deserved it 24 6 Comments
Today, my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for a year, decided to tell me that he has herpes and has not taken any precautions to stop it from passing... I agree, your life sucks 1149 You deserved it 235 10 Comments
