Intimacy: Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This...

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 800

You deserved it 40 462

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/05/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 395

You deserved it 3 484

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 940

You deserved it 5 819

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 920

You deserved it 50 969

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 928

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 16:01

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 1 804

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 20:00

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 888

By ERnightmare - 02/08/2018 21:00 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 114

You deserved it 4 253

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 805

You deserved it 3 067

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 2 167

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 15:42 - Belgium

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 509

You deserved it 2 885

UnluckyIrishKid 9

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:06

Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?

eggmarie 25

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:11

I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.

Comments

dragonlord354 4

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:36

Is it still your special one?

OhDearBetrayal 25

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:32

Now it's her very special one. The memories that come with it now will last her a lifetime.

dragonlord354 4

Sunday 2 September 2012 4:19

Lol she should get it framed and put on the wall.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:42

You forgot to use lube, didn't you? Tisk, tisk.

supportcommand 17

Saturday 1 September 2012 17:47

Probably too much lube. Slipped right in. Op sounds like a lot of fun though.

moofukmoocowmilk 3

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:47

Doesn't matter, had sex...?

KiddNYC1O 20

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:27

Nahh, give it a rest for a while.

berryblizzard 11

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:48

I wouldn't be able to take you seriously if I was the doctor... Lol

ObeyAlliance 7

Saturday 1 September 2012 8:37

That is why you are not a doctor.

berryblizzard 11

Saturday 1 September 2012 18:46

Thank goodness, I could never be a doctor.

Kaleigh090 11

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:48

I guess drinking in excess and inserting something into your ass don't mix well... I'm sorry O.P.

Frank_H83 6

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:51

dayyuumm OP, go a little easier next time lol...

Frank_H83 6

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:57

I will but it won't be a toy I'm sticking in her, dear god I hope this is a her lol....

OhDearBetrayal 25

Saturday 1 September 2012 8:16

Maybe OP lied about their gender so that it would seem maybe a little less embarrassing.

goose12321 11

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:16

Hahahahahahahahhaaha

nora111197 8

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:18

Maaaaan that's the most embarassing thing i've ever heard. Fyl big time. Hilarious tho :D

sougstad 7

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:20

That sounds like you have come full circle. Now you can't say you haven't tried it all...

rhpsfan9 10

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:21

I have to ask. How did you get to the hospital? Idk how you could drive in that situation and I defiantly don't know how you would bare facing someone you know to drive you... Just wondering..