Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML
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Top comments
relaxedninja 18
What do you mean they rarely happen!!??! D:
ballettillidie 8
They rarely happen in YOUR world...
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Comments (137)
TiffGreen 11
Oh he'll get over it. No reason to put yourself down
jamesrod885 6
I know plenty of people who have.....just let him the lower the bar the better the opportunity
SilencioIsTheKey 12
Crying? I doubt anyone sexually/ mentally mature enough would be crying. Plus, Love making is for married couples. Go marriages!
Kyle_Kawi27 7
I wouldnt say rarely...
fordneagles 34
It's not that they rarely happen in real life... You're just sheltered, OP.
buckdharma 38
If you want to have threesomes you have to be a total bitchin' rock star from Mars and have tiger blood.
Epikouros 32
Do I look like a rock star to you?
kitsune309 15
Yes. Yes you do.
SleeplessBeauty 12
If you want to have a threesome you go on Craigslist. Tell him that.
cmarina 3
When your son watches **** he is helping the sex trafficking of these poor girls who are drugged abused and traded like objects. Just a thought. Maybe you should tell him that.
ciaraohagan94 5
Sorry most **** isn't some girl with a gun pointed to her head giving a ******* in a Ukranian dungeon. It's girls being paid to do it, who willingly joined the industry.
Epikouros 32
And let's hope the boy is not so stupid that he pays for **** when you can find tons of free **** videos on the internet.
emuexport 4
I wouldn't say rarely either, l've had heaps, me and 2 girls , and they were all great :):):)
kt520 7
It's nice to hear about an OP that actually gave their child the sex talk. You may have crushed a dream, but you did the good responsible thing by educating your son :)