Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML
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Top comments
relaxedninja 18
What do you mean they rarely happen!!??! D:
ballettillidie 8
They rarely happen in YOUR world...
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Comments (137)
KBurns207 17
Well don't COMPLETELY crush his dreams. Inform him on the wonders of college.
perdix 31
You're telling me! I have a hard time getting all but two of my ladies to go away for a while and give just three of us some alone time.
TwinkleToes7 15
Your boyfriend is a pansy
TwinkleToes7 15
No for crying over something so stupid, and I just realized it was her son I thought she said boyfriend.
summerguy97 16
They're both dudes.
LissaMccracken 23
Haha 2 fails in a row! Congratulations!
gameover18 17
They don't happen...???? EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!!!
arre2006 19
If he's crying over that then the kid has no hope in ever getting laid. What a wuss
stewpididiot 11
Soon he'll be wondering what else you were wrong about....
Iniezian 18
Not with the upcoming VR full-immersion sex game they aren't.
lbrown66 12
What a horrible thing to tell a young boy! The more the merrier I say!
inolongercare 19
Why are you talking about **** to your son? Hopefully he is young and you just caught him being curious....
BromineAddict 7
Saw this on iFunny xD