Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML
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Top comments
relaxedninja 18
What do you mean they rarely happen!!??! D:
ballettillidie 8
They rarely happen in YOUR world...
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Comments (137)
sugarbaby9908 20
At least he has high hopes
Omniprism 15
Don't feel bad. He needs to know so he doesn't put unrealistic expectations on a girl and creating problems in his relationships.
AshAsh014 4
Why were you talking to your son about that in the firat place...
LissaMccracken 23
Yes, because its weird for a parent to give their child the sex talk. He probably walked in on him watching ****
QueenOrangeSoda 21
Because it's crucial for teens to know. It regards establishing a healthy, realistic view of sex and what to expect, and goes right along with the safe sex talk.
NotSoPerfecTgirl 10
False!! I'm a girl. I live with my boyfriend and girlfriend. We are a faithful poly traid, and we have 3somes DAILY. :)
LissaMccracken 23
He didn't say they never happen, he said rarely, and I have a feeling you posted this comment for attention.
QueenOrangeSoda 21
Exactly. And the fact that you mentioned your (irrelevant) gender just proves it more.
mld4657 28
Umm maybe in your life they rarely happen but they happen in my life.. And I'm even married :-P
kalbrek009 20
The fact that he started crying tells me that he is not only (probably) too young to be watching **** (much less having sex) but he's also not mature enough mentally/emotionally to be attempting such things.
Phsycodude12 0
They happen a lot I have had three. Though now I have 2 kids. Different moms.
mparrish397 0
I just had one last night... Lol
nevaeh_dewdrop 12
how old is ur son?
ohnobitch 8
Jeezus luweezus how old is this kid