Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
relaxedninja 18
What do you mean they rarely happen!!??! D:
ballettillidie 8
They rarely happen in YOUR world...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (137)
Jemm_fml 29
IT ISN'T TRUE *covers ears*
UnluckyGenius 21
Does your son dream of being Charlie Sheen?
EmsyyyRose13 24
Poor guy. How could you crush his dreams like that? You're horrible! But in all seriousness, it's probably best that you explained. Now he will have realistic expectations when he does have sex.
worldclassrager 41
You did the right thing...it's better than having a massive surprise early..,
graceinsheepwear 34
If the son has a "massive surprise," he might be able to score threesomes rather easily.
LissaMccracken 23
Tell him to become a pornstar... And then he can have a threesome!
Silent_Thrill 17
And get paid for it! It's a win-win situation.
Schiffy 18
At least you didn't tell him not to watch it.
Merylwen 24
If it was my son, I would have told him not to watch any. And OP probably did, as he/she was explaining that it's not a realistic representation of sex. I would add "demeaning" and "unhealthy". My guess is that OP's son isn't even 18 yet, so I wouldn't want my child's heald to be filled with such images. Seriously, what good can it do?
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Orgasms, that's what good it can do.
archnarquibquib 21
#38- So exploring sexuality early on is unhealthy? O_o I must be really messed up for starting to watch **** at 16.
Alicestraza 33
There's a difference between exploring sexuality and consuming the mainstream violent and unrealistic ****. A lot of **** companies say they can't keep up with the demand for violent **** and studies have been done that show the effect of **** on teenage boys, namely that they're pressuring girls to reenact the **** they watch as well as it obviously setting unrealistic expectations and contributing to the prevalence of early erectile dysfunction as young men are unable to get hard from normal girls.
ManInTheMachine 20
What the **** does any of this have to do with violent ****? I understand the unrealistic expectations portion, but I imagine teenage bous and girls can, and most likely will figure out for themselves that 15-inch donkey cocks aren't the norm. Other than that, I'm sure you realize that not all **** is violent and demeaning, right?
ManInTheMachine 20
*boys
SilencioIsTheKey 12
#38 Agreed, minus spelling mistakes. " You're a sad sexually controlled little world.".
Alicestraza 33
Violent **** is essentially mainstream **** now. I mean slapping, choking, facials (degrading) as well as simply the manner in which the woman is treated is often aggressive and violent even though it looks like fun. There's a good chance given the prevalence of **** that the first few videos a young boy watches could be of a violent nature which sets them up for more problems.
skip_m 6
Swinging = Threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes.
kurodansei 16
moresomes lol I like that, Ot shall replace orgy in my mental dictionary.
rexcanis 10
It honestly depends on the relationship. In the US there is a greatly increasing percentage of open relationships, which includes higher occurrences of threesomes (and more).
MerrikBarbarian 9
As an FYI, a threesome is an entirely different thing from open relationships and polyamoury. They can overlap, but threesomes are strictly about sex where as poly relationships... Well to give you an idea I have a couple long term partners and our relationship does allow for casual sex partners... And I don't have sex nearly as often as you would think. Threesome you are getting laid for sure. Polyamoury? I can go weeks without sex if everyone gets busy with conflicting schedules. Half the time we end up falling asleep talking in bed vs having sex. :p
EvilUndead 9
They do happen, they're just less likely to happen. Oh, and if sex services are legal in your country, and if you aren't looking for two soul-mates at once, it is even easier.
ViviMage 40
How old is this kid!? I work for a telecommunications tech support and we get curious kids watching some $60-250 USD in **** and then they ask some.... Questions later. They were too young to ask or understand sex so some dirty flick taught them and sex is misleading in those! **** is not love, or romance, its just dramatic acts that may not even be real by actors paid to make a show, within lots of intense music and lights. It is not a teacher to what sex and relations are. Maybe just a teacher for what a one night stand is. He will try to have sex like a **** star and then he will wonder why the girl has a less than porno reaction! There are screamers but each reacts differently. Also, sex is about a bond between mates. I'm sure there is no bond between actors, or a weak but not enough to make a stable home life for the hypothetical child. And if he found out on Pay per view, you can block it with a pin or rating or just wholesale no ppv. Call your TV company. Sorry you had to tell him sex fairy takes aren't real....
EvilUndead 9
And who exactly did you write this for?