Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML
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Top comments
relaxedninja 18
What do you mean they rarely happen!!??! D:
ballettillidie 8
They rarely happen in YOUR world...
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Comments (137)
miSsFlien 15
If my son thought that's how sex is, I would punch him. Seriously, guys in their teenage years are the ultimate douchebags and we need to extinguish them. Good job, OP.
angeluv_2014 22
Maybe he was crying because his mom caught him with **** and then decided to go all anal (excuse the pun) and analyize the shit out of it, forcing him to talk with his mother about sex. Maybe. :|
LissaMccracken 23
But he talked to his DAD. Sigh, it says the gender people!
mr_jack_meoff 5
That's because in your generation, they were extremely rare, in today's world, you can get one on the bus to church.
kitsune309 15
I have the suspicion that all the commenters that say threesomes are a dime a dozen have never had one...
Pukhalove 4
that's not true a lot of my friends have threesomes :P
thatnucca 36
On the bright side, he won't be finding out who "Wesley Pipes" is...
Shepardspie71 8
Don't lie to the boy. Whole world of sex to be explored
LifeFailure 16
Ummm, I had 6 threesomes by the time I was 22 years old. But then again, I'm a girl and the threesomes were with 2 guys. Guess that's more common. Also can't be too rare for a **** star... your son may now have new career goals.
LissaMccracken 23
All I'm gonna say is wow... Seriously... Wow to this comment...
graphicstyle7 17
It actually really depends on what you are into, where you hang out, and who you know. I know people who do that sort of thing all the time... Maybe you should explain to him that the EMOTIONS and ways of going about finding a lover in a **** film are the un-realistic part. Have him read the "Savage Love" column, that should give him a pretty realistic view of the world of current sex.
patriciadusud_fml 8
It happens more than you think.... lots of girls are curious trying with another girl... and ask their boyfriend to try a threesome.... the girl is here more for the girl than for the boy.... and not all the guys accepts that...