Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping...

By Kole

Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping my head back in laughter at something that wasn't even funny. FML

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Messed up

Peaky Bladders

Insurance fraud

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

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By pregnantapparently - United States - Durham

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

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By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By boom - United States

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

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By InTheDoghouse23 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

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By Julie - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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By festival virgin - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Natrona Heights

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

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By TrueStories - United States

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

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By oldsoulyoungbody - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

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By Mash-brakketz

Goodbye, 7 years of sobriety...

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseous even though I went out for air constantly. I had a meltdown and was sent home. I'm still high. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Davis

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

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By Tired Girlfriend

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

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By Bebefer - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

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By TabbyCat87 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

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By manoloonfire - 21/12/2020 15:04 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Thanks, dad

Today, I'm a MD who graduated with honors. I can't work right now because I'm preparing myself for the medical residence exam. I want to be a cardiovascular surgeon. My dad is ashamed of me and treats me like shit, because I don't work and I'm 26 years-old, living with my parents while I'm studying. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

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By janie - United States

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

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By Anon - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Surprise

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

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By Ghettogirl4life - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

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By low_expectations - 19/8/2020 02:04

Zoom call from hell

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Midland

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

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By Colleen - United States

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Music nerds of the world unite!

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

The customer is always an ass

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

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By Anonymous

Love is strange

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

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By boredatwork - Canada

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

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By Cornbreesha - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

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By ardenm - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

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By Anonymous - Brunei Darussalam

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

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Top comments

By 399 | 41

#7388001 - Friday 13 January 2017 20:22

So, what were you laughing at OP?

By FrozenMusic | 26

#7388021 - Friday 13 January 2017 21:13

Laughter isn't always the best medicine

COMMENTS

By 399 | 41

#7388001 - Friday 13 January 2017 20:22

So, what were you laughing at OP?

Diveafall | 3

#7388194 - Saturday 14 January 2017 7:13

your profile pic ?

By FrozenMusic | 26

#7388021 - Friday 13 January 2017 21:13

Laughter isn't always the best medicine

By chirstinap325 | 21

#7388026 - Friday 13 January 2017 21:28

That's what you get for faking that someone's funny when they aren't lol

By Diveafall | 3

#7388193 - Saturday 14 January 2017 7:12

This was funny at least xD