Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman.... - FML

By lolatmylovelife - 11/06/2015 20:51 - United States - Del Valle

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 928

You deserved it 3 148

Stop talking!

Another great day to be alive

Judge and jury

By couchsurfer - 10/08/2012 00:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 040

You deserved it 29 899

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 18:13 - United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 137

You deserved it 42 601

By igiveup - 21/12/2012 03:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 914

You deserved it 3 903

By dumper - 05/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 075

You deserved it 5 564

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 977

You deserved it 8 308

By crazy_bitch122 - 29/06/2011 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 503

You deserved it 6 278

By eggs - 28/02/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 269

You deserved it 9 180

By Loveless - 09/04/2018 13:00 - United States - Ashland

Today, I asked my girlfriend of 8 years if we should get a bigger place. She responded by insisting she get her own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 158

You deserved it 411

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 022

You deserved it 6 187

By sad face - 24/11/2012 11:54 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 5 278

By ColdFoot - 03/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 083

You deserved it 2 721

By twelvie - 23/03/2015 14:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 2 895

By Anonymous - 01/12/2015 09:49 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 657

You deserved it 6 578

By nomfuck - 09/09/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 3 161

By DarkChild - 11/02/2016 22:18 - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 366

You deserved it 1 605

By Oops - 14/01/2010 15:55 - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 753

You deserved it 33 009

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 629

You deserved it 2 897

By Andy - 16/12/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 281

You deserved it 2 718

By DeepFriedZombie - 09/08/2016 00:18

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 893

You deserved it 1 149

By Uhh - 13/06/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 075

You deserved it 3 804

By kippis05 - 17/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 8 982

Boom, headshot!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 02:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 271

By Moe - 23/01/2009 12:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 315

You deserved it 24 746

By LivingInMisery - 12/04/2017 21:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, I was supposed to have my advising appointment for my next semester of college. When I got to campus, it was windy and raining so heavily that my clothes were sopping wet within a minute of stepping out of my car. My advisor didn't show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 910

You deserved it 256

Nepotism rules

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 11:01 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got notice that I didn't get the new position I applied for at work. After two interviews, pay negotiation and paperwork, as well as years of giving this place all my time, I found out my boss gave it to his friend's daughter, who has no experience or credentials needed for the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 65

By sorry... - 02/03/2015 16:31 - United States - Newark

Today, I realized I hate my boyfriend's little sister enough to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 319

You deserved it 7 540

By failedexam - 06/11/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 683

You deserved it 6 134

I can't eat these

By brokedude - 13/03/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I got my birthday present from my dad. Instead of buying me things I told him I needed, he bought me collectible coins. I’m already stretched thin on my budget, and very stressed out. Looks like I’m living off Ramen and Oatmeal for the next 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 156

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Spicy

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 594

You deserved it 960

By Vgameboi - 15/02/2010 03:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 4 240

Enjoy!

By sad and hungry - 06/06/2015 14:37 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 465

You deserved it 6 526

By kitkat3308 - 30/03/2015 05:06 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 034

You deserved it 2 180

By nonfreehugs - 04/10/2012 05:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 639

You deserved it 2 507

By Noname - 06/02/2009 18:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 52 498

By mommabuser - 01/07/2012 15:59

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 492

You deserved it 28 856

By sad sack. - 18/01/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 2 850

Two states of matter

By Anonymous - 15/09/2020 05:02 - Germany

Today, I learned that is it possible to be constipated and have diarrhea at the same time. You run to the toilet every half-hour, but almost nothing comes out and you feel so bloated you could burst, while eating almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 124

By zain - 04/06/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 837

You deserved it 3 675

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 10:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 114 909

By clublulu - 10/04/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 760

You deserved it 76 982

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

WellThatWasRude 27

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:04

Slam the door shut on your marriage. I'm sorry OP, you don't deserve that.

aukaylaheath 16

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:03

I'm so sorry. You deserve SO much better. What a douche!

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:02

first!

aukaylaheath 16

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:03

I'm so sorry. You deserve SO much better. What a douche!

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:23

Well, on the bright side, you can look forward to slamming the door in HIS face once you kick him out

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:45

#19you commented way2fast.

BananaCoconutty 26

Friday 12 June 2015 7:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:21

trying to be funny, eh?

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 8:08

Hahaha the best.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 8:23

No... He locked OP out of the room with him and the other woman inside.

khoov19 20

Friday 12 June 2015 9:02

ur an idiot dude...wtf

A07 48

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 14:34

You're * If you're calling someone an idiot atleast do it right

khoov19 20

Saturday 13 June 2015 18:36

who the hell cares how I get my point across if it's grammatically correct or not this site is for humor nd to pass the time

WellThatWasRude 27

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:04

Slam the door shut on your marriage. I'm sorry OP, you don't deserve that.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:06

Should have just opened it again.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 9:21

And record it. or take a photo. I know it's not pleasant, but hey, it facilitates the divorce case.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 17:24

Haha should have open it and close it and open it. That will bother them.

Norja 33

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:07

What an asshole! He's gotta go.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:08

" These H*** ain't loyal " Referring to your A-hole husband.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 10:34

These hams? These hats? The suspense is unbearable! :o

SubparAtBest 23

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 11:53

I'm gonna guess hoes?

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 16:50

horses? hamsters?

Send a private message

Saturday 13 June 2015 2:08

Horses and hamsters don't even fit in the asterisks

silverstream20 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:08

Wow! I'm so sorry you had to witness that OP. Clearly, he didn't care about you and more importantly he shows his true colours. You deserve better. Leave him and find someone who cherishes you.

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:09

So much of what you just mentioned is fucked up OP... But it's ok consider it a second chance, now you know, and you can look for someone that actually deserves to have you

Send a private message

Friday 12 June 2015 7:09

Thats cold hearted ....damn that's really cold

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 145

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 47