Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML
Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
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Top comments
porcelainkisses 5
Congratulations, you've raised a dumbass!
GhettoXmuffin 7
I'd say eating cocks is more accurate
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Comments (208)
cuddlypuppies21 4
Have you enrolled her in school or is she still in preschool?
graham11 14
32- hate to break it to you but that joke failed..
debatingalways 0
I work at a yogurt shop where we actually serve "chocolate rocks" that look pretty real. Don't let her confuse them should you ever come across the candy.
JoeLouisBomber 9
Ya just give her rocks. they will help her digest the pellets of styrofoam
desireev 18
Actually, OP.. I'd say cocaine is next. White styrofoam.. White drug? Eeeeh.... Give it a couple years...
desireev 18
Geez guys!! I was just kidding! I'd never wish that (or think it, for that matter) on anyone! Sorry for the rude comment OP.
upyourzlolz 11
We know you were kidding. People thumb you down when you're unfunny and stupid.
Makeeasweet25 0
why do people associate stupid wtih being a "****".even a person with a high i.q could be a so called ****.
ohmandapants 17
^ what? I haven't read all the comments, but pretty much all the ones I read had nothing about her being a ****.
KissMyFurryAss 10
Stupid freshman.
xcarxcrashx 9
This is my fav type of FML. Silly teenagers!
mryoyo9 0
This fml sucks. Its more of a fhl
El_it_means_tha 0
I am smart, I am smart " s m r t " I am smart. Oh boy you have a good one there.
Jewnut 0
Seriously. Try beating the intelligence in he. You can only blame your self or her dad. I suggest blaming him. or give her a drug test and blame the drugs