Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML
Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
porcelainkisses 5
Congratulations, you've raised a dumbass!
GhettoXmuffin 7
I'd say eating cocks is more accurate
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (208)
TraceCase_ 19
Sure she told you that. Sounds like a strange addiction, like that woman that eats couch cushion.
CaptainPickles72 18
That is strange! But I can top that....this one time I heard about these girls who eat carpet, then I heard about these others who munch on cardboard.... that's just plain weird!
FarSide 23
Carpetmunchers?
ashtonkay 7
Pica.. Google that shit.
boohbah1789 0
Or the chalk eater / laundry detergent drinker xD
Gringe 1
Pica is a mental disorder that gives people the irrisistable urge to eat things that are not edible. Usually its coins
EllyMo 15
I don't blame her... They're tasty!
cheerluv15 0
Your daughter has issues.
TeamDazu 5
No shit Sherlock.
tmd4L 7
At least she hasn't eaten anything poisonous...yet.
ninjacapo 2
Defend the rocks!
perdix 31
Binge drinking Compulsive overeating Random sex with strangers Crack addiction with a petty crime career to support her habit Need I go on? With morons, you can't predict what stupid, self-destructive shit they'll do.
BruisedGiraffe 15
So she very well could turn out to be an obese, alcoholic prostitute
perdix 31
The options on that list are neither exhaustive nor mutually exclusive. The idiot kid could take on any or all of those vices. Add to those: Identity theft Pyromania Glory-hole attendant
CaptainPickles72 18
Wow, I must be really screwed up then! I've done four of those things at one time.... 1. Glory-Hole attendant. 2. Random sex with strangers... though this and glory-hole kinda go hand-in-hand 3. Pyromania. I was lighting toilet paper on fire while using the almighty glory-hole! 4. I was also munching down on a cheese-burger.... or eight.
perdix 31
Did it start with packing peanuts? The gateway drug to everything else.
mapletree 8
She will do great things.
Bekll 31
Wouldn't the off texture give her a clue it's not edible?
nerdsgetmehot 23
Tomorrow: "I thought they were pop rocks!"
dirtylemonz 0
You raised her.