Love: Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched...

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 050

You deserved it 12 981

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Same thing different taste

By Liav - 23/01/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 878

You deserved it 1 700

By Anon - 30/01/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 334

You deserved it 7 438

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 585

You deserved it 23 395

Excuses, excuses

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 02:00

Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 325

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 603

You deserved it 7 718

By KWM - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 133

You deserved it 39 050

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 280

By oops - 19/11/2014 17:03 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 101

You deserved it 8 350

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 402

You deserved it 3 889

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 775

You deserved it 1 382

infantrygirl 0

Monday 9 February 2009 18:49

Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.

popcorn_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 1:18

it may be hard for some of you to believe but you CAN have a relationship without sex.

Comments

sunkist324 3

Saturday 18 December 2010 9:30

lmfao

icecreamandcooki 0

Saturday 29 January 2011 6:11

Or maybe, she's not a *****. Thought of that?

zakkyzebra 11

Monday 7 February 2011 4:47

some people don't understand sarcasm. kthxbai.

zourwolfe 0

Monday 14 February 2011 18:29

go #88!

Moogleabuse 0

Friday 25 February 2011 2:39

Not every girl wants to touch her boyfriend or be sexually involved.

Mira1234 0

Friday 25 March 2011 18:55

That's not really an Fml. Not everyone has sex with every boyfriend or girlfriend they get.

eraintime 0

Friday 29 April 2011 10:36

LMAO coolest kid! your the definition of "white trash".

eraintime 0

Friday 29 April 2011 10:39

oh wait your a mexican, that explains it better. pretty much all beaners are trash

kGoatly 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 6:14

Ever think you might be doing something wrong?

NomiKat 9

Monday 11 July 2011 7:00

I hope you're lieke 12, 'cause if you're not, fyld.

Keywords

Parents Education Public freakouts Mother in law Love Argument AITA Miscellaneous Fear Insects Health Skincare Cats Jealousy Work Gross Coworkers Drugs Dogs Animals Awkward Fire Transportation Cars Scams Money Bikes Scary Neighbours Sex

The Top

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 494

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 3 581

The Top

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 015

You deserved it 5 207

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 167

You deserved it 3 407

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 138

You deserved it 16 372

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 502

You deserved it 38 077

Today, I got hit by a car while I was on the phone. I was sat at a bus stop. The driver was high and lost focus lighting another blunt. My family and some friends are mad that I'm pressing charges and making weed look bad in the media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 361

Today, some rando guy from a chat room asked me if I played Smash Bros or Mario Kart and I was like, "FUCK YEAH I play." Then they said, “Add me on Discord and Nintendo!” and I replied, “You bet.” He didn’t want to play Smash Bros, he just wanted the "smash." I ended up having to block him and disinfect my headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 148

Same thing different taste

Excuses, excuses

Newbie

Show and tell

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